To Love Again
by Sweet Little Bullet
Summary: When 23 year old Alice loses her husband, she thinks her life too has come to an end. So when the mysterious and sometimes infuriating Jasper Hale enters her life, will she push him away like she has so many others or will she be able to love again? OOC/A
1. Don't Forget to Remember Me

**Innumerable thanks to irritablegrizzlylover, brandtishot, and kaypgirl. And of course my biffle/wifey/nwbs co-owner WeasleyWeakness.  
Up early because I have no patience. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything...**

* * *

**_  
"Just one more thing before you leave  
Don't forget to remember me" -Carrie Underwood_**

**_Alice  
August 6th _**

_**(Flashback)**_

_It was a day full of laughter and tears, joy and sadness. It was the day I left my old life behind and started a brand new one. It was the day my dad walked me down the aisle and kissed me on the cheek. His own tears staining my cheeks as he said goodbye to his baby girl and then went to sit beside my mother, holding her as she smiled and sobbed at the same time. It was a happy day and it was my day._

"_I love you so much." He mouthed as he held my hands tightly in his._

"_Me too." I mouthed back, earning his perfect grin right back. It was my normal response and one that made him laugh hysterically every time. It was our thing._

_The words the minister said as we stood in front of our family and friends and the rest of the town were drowned out. I only had eyes for the man before me. The man who had eyes only for me. The man who had stolen my heart the first time I met him._

_I only zoned in enough to say "I do" and hear him say it too, before my heart raced, my palms started to sweat, and all I wanted to do was hold the man that was now my husband. So when he pulled me close and kissed me with all he had, I was fit to burst._

"_I love you Alice." He nuzzled me as everyone in the church applauded and wolf whistled so much that I thought the roof might collapse with the noise._

"_I love you too Jack."_

_And so began our happily ever after._

_**(End Flashback)**_

"Al...Al you have to get out of bed sometime." I could feel Bella shaking me, but I didn't move. I knew my eyes were open, but honestly, I could only see the one thing I wanted to: the picture of Jack and I on our wedding day as he held me in his arms.

"Alice, get out of bed now." That was Emmett. I should have known Bella would bring him. He was the brawn while she was the brain. They had resorted to forceful tactics.

I sighed heavily and sat up. I couldn't feel my arm as I pulled it out from underneath my pillow and shook it slightly, wincing at the pain that it caused but not caring enough to do anything about it.

My eyes were still trained on the picture. The picture I loved so much. The one I insisted sit right by my side of the bed despite his protests. He hated that picture, though I never knew why. It had been five months. Five long excruciating months that never seemed to want to end. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually gotten out of bed and I knew my hair was greasy and I probably smelled bad, but again, I couldn't make myself care. That's why my friends were here. An intervention. Only they weren't here to save me from booze or drugs. No, they were here to save me from myself. And the fact was, I didn't want to be saved. I wanted to wallow. I wanted to cry. I wanted to break something, or someone. I wanted to hurt them like they had hurt me. Most importantly, I wanted to go where he was. I didn't want to be whole without him. It didn't feel right.

"He wouldn't want this Alice." Emmett said and I turned my face to look at him. "He wouldn't want to see you like this. Do you know what he would say? Well, first he would punch me for letting you get like this, and then he would say 'Ali, now you listen here. You get out of that damned bed and start doing something.'"

He was right. That's exactly what he would say. He would drawl it out, accenting every word and he would scrunch up his nose and probably kiss the tip of mine. But I didn't want him to be right. "Fuck you." I spat and I saw him flinch from the venom that those two simple words held.

"Alice." Bella said. Her voice was pained and I looked down at my hands to keep from looking at my best friend, scared of what her face would hold. "Alice, I miss you. I need you."

I made the mistake of looking at her and I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I remembered the day it had happened perfectly, if not because of what it meant, but because of how it reminded me that things could change in an instant and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

_**(Flashback)**_

"_That one looks great on you." Angela said from where she sat on the couch, sipping on a latté. Leah agreed as she flipped through the pages of the bridal magazine in her hands._

"_Great but not perfect." I shook my head and gestured to the lady to get the next one. Bella had long given up on going back into the dressing room. She was wearing a slip and we were the only ones left in the whole store anyway._

_I helped her down from the pedestal and we unzipped her dress letting it fall to the ground and pool at her feet. The sales lady had returned with the next dress. It was the last one we had picked out and one that both Bella and I had loved from the moment we saw it, but it was a size smaller than Bella needed and the wedding was only three months away._

"_Here you go." The woman said as she pulled the dress out of it's protective covering and we helped Bella into it._

"_This is it." Bella breathed as I zipped the zipper the rest of the way and she smoothed out the front._

_It was fitted on the bodice but the bottom floated out around her body and she was right. This was it. The one we had been looking for, for weeks. The one we went to every bridal shop within a four hundred mile radius. The one she would be wearing as she married the man of her dreams._

_We paid for the dress then and there and Bella sat it lovingly in the backseat of my car as we all drove back to my place for the night. It was Leah's last night in town and Angela had left Ben alone for the night, though how she managed that, I'd never know. We were all planning on having a great time. The drive back was fun. We danced along to the radio and Angela called us from her car telling us to pay attention so we wouldn't miss the turn off to my house. We laughed at her, telling her we could do it blindfolded and drove the rest of the way with the windows down, soaking up the last of the March sunshine. And in the three minutes it took to get from the highway to my driveway, everything changed._

_I knew the car that sat in my driveway. I had seen it at Kara's house when they came about Aaron. I had been there when I had to take her children to my house for the night and let her grieve by herself. This couldn't be happening. My foot hit the brakes so fast I didn't know how Angela didn't hit me. Bella slammed back against the seat and started bitching, until her eyes saw it. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I wouldn't move. If I didn't go then they couldn't tell me. They couldn't make me hear their words or see the fake sympathy on their faces._

"_Alice, slide over here and let me..."_

"_No." I shouted and I slammed the gear into park. I saw Bella's face change from one of sadness to one of fright. I didn't know if she was scared for me, or of me. I didn't care._

"_Alice please."_

_I stuck my fingers in my ears, humming loudly and ignoring how childish I felt. I wanted it to go away. I closed my eyes as tight as I could. That would make it go away. But when I opened them again, they were still there. The car was still there. Bella was still beside me. And Angela was out of her car, making her way to mine._

_My stomach clenched and I opened my door quickly, throwing up everything I had in my stomach and hoping I wouldn't get my hair in it. I felt Bella' s hands on my back as she held my hair up and rubbed circles there gently. Angela sprinted away, up the driveway across the street. She was going to get Emmett. I knew she would, and I was right. He came soon and pulled me out of the car and into his arms, despite the way my hands slapped and clawed at his chest._

_He didn't stop at the door and I couldn't figure out how he got in without the Brinks going off until I saw Bella standing in front, holding the door open for us. Of course, she knew where the key was. The men came. Like I knew they would._

'_I'm sorry to have to inform you ma'am..." They said in their voices dripping with the empathy it was their duty to show. They had a box of his things and I refused to take them. Emmett did it for me. And that was when I realized that life would never be the same. No matter how much I wanted it to be._

_**(End Flashback)**_

I looked back to my best friend. Her hair was longer than it had been five months ago. She looked paler than normal and the deep bruises under her eyes showed her loss of sleep. Looking at her, I didn't understand where my friend had gone. The friend I was supposed to be matron of honor for. The friend who was going to name her first born after me. I realized that I had missed so much, and all because he had left me. Jack had left me.

"He's gone." I finally croaked and the reality of those two words was like a knife that had been thrust into my gut and wrenched round and round. The tears finally came and I felt them fall down my cheeks like they had never done before. Emmett's arms were the first to find me and Bella's soon joined them as we sat on my bed and cried. All three of us. Over the loss of a husband, the loss of a best friend, the loss of a 'brother'.

XxxxX

"Emmett met someone." Bella sighed into my neck as we lay on the floor of my living room. We had migrated out there after Bella had forced me into the shower and a clean pair of shorts and a tank top. My hair was piled up on top of my head and though I felt clean, I didn't feel better.

"No way? The infamous Emmett McCarty met someone?" I asked, trying to make my voice sound airy and light. The way it had before, and even though I knew it never would sound like that again, I still was pleased to see a shy smile appear on his lips.

Bella laughed and reached over me to poke her half brother in the ribs. "Yeah, she's great." Emmett said quietly as he lay on his stomach on my left side, playing absentmindedly with the ends of my hair.

"Tell me more." I sang in true Grease fashion.

"Well her name is Rosalie Hale. She's a preschool teacher where Renee works." I nodded my head. It was weird that Bella and Emmett always called their parents by their first names but I was used to it. "She's blonde...and beautiful."

"Can you believe he said beautiful and not 'damn fine' or 'sexy'?" Bella asked. And I shook my head slightly.

"So have you asked her out?"

"No... I'm waiting for the right moment."

"In other words he's trying to grow a pair."

"I have her number though."

"Yeah because she needs someone to fix her computer." Bella snorted.

It was easy to stay quiet when they got like this. I had always missed having siblings growing up, and it was times like these that made me miss it even more. And then, before I could stop myself, I said the words that were flowing between my mind and my tongue.

"We were trying to have a baby before he left."

Both of my friends froze mid banter and turned their deep brown eyes onto me. It was something I hadn't wanted to share when Jack was here. Something I thought should have been kept quiet until we were actually pregnant. So why I said it now I had no idea.

"Oh Al." Bella whispered and Emmett was uncharacteristically quiet.

I didn't say anymore as they both held me there on my living room floor. I didn't want to get back up and go back into that room. To our room. The room we had been trying to conceive in. The room that each attempt seemed to fail in. The place where we had gotten into a fight about it not long before he left. The sun had set again and Emmett got up to go order pizza while Bella helped me onto the couch and covered me with a blanket from the hall closet before going to pour some drinks. When they both came back they crawled under the big blanket with me. Emmett burrowed his toes under my bum and Bella put her feet on my lap. It was like high school, how we had always watched movies then. When things were simpler and life didn't feel so hard.

Sometime between the time the main character finally realized what was happening in the small England town he had been sent to work in as a cop and the end of the movie, I fell asleep. Emmett picked me up easily and carried me into bed. I grabbed onto the front of his shirt as he set me down and somehow, without words he understood just what I needed. He pushed me over as he climbed in beside me and pulled the covers up over our bodies. I felt the bed dip down on the other side of me and I snuggled in closer to Emmett to get out of the way of Bella's flailing body parts. She was dangerous when she was asleep.

"Jake dumped me." Bella whispered into my ear. "He and Leah are together now."

"I'm sorry." I whimpered as I fell deeper into unconsciousness.

"I think it was for the better." She sighed. "I loved him, but not like... well not like I should have. I just thought you should know."

"I love you." I whispered to the both of them and I heard them faintly reply as I fell into the arms of the one I missed. The one I needed so badly. I knew it was only for a few hours, but that was enough for me as I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"I love this song." He whispered into my ear as the speakers played the upbeat tune. I laughed as I leaned my head back against his chest.

It was our "baby making music" as he had called it. Usually I was all for listening to tunes while we had sex but when he put in the CD he had bought that day and turned it up full volume, I had immediately objected. He had insisted it made his 'little swimmers' happy and after much bickering he had won. Of course he had won. He was Jack.

**Other dancers may be on the floor****  
Dear, but my eyes will see only you****  
Only you have that magic technique  
When we sway I go weak**

**I can hear the sounds of violins  
Long before it begins  
Make me thrill as only you know how  
Sway me smooth, sway me now  
You know how  
Sway me smooth, sway me now**

"I always loved this song." He whispered into my ear and I smiled as his warm breath blew across my cheeks. "I wanted our first child to be conceived to it too."

"I'm sorry Jack."

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one that made you listen to it."

I laughed lightly but turned to face him, to look up into his green eyes and press myself into him. "I wanted to give you your baby so bad. And I couldn't."

"Aw, baby. Don't worry about that. It wasn't meant to be."

"But I do worry about it. Because we had that fight before you left and... and you were right. I didn't see it until now but you were right."

His hold loosened on me and I tried to make up for it as I pushed myself into him further. I couldn't let him go yet. I needed him longer.

"Listen to me Ali-cat." I looked up again to see him smiling at me. "Do you remember what I said when I left?"

"Yes." I replied automatically. It was the same thing he had said to me every time we parted for the last five years. How could I not remember it.

"Do you remember everything I said? Think hard now." I rolled my eyes but closed them tightly as I let the words from that day flit through my head. The argument, the tears, the goodbye. I remembered every bit of it like it had happened yesterday. As though reading my mind I felt Jacks lips press into mine as he whispered softly.

"Good. Hold on to that for me and don't forget."

His arms completely left me and I reached out frantically trying to find him. But I couldn't. He was gone, and I was alone. Just like it was in reality. Even in my dreams I couldn't escape that fact.

"I love you." I whispered one last time. And before I had time to collapse in on myself I heard it. The faintest of whispers, of a voice I would know anywhere. A voice I would walk through heaven and hell for.

"Me too."

* * *

**the Song is called "Sway". There are versions by Michael Buble and Dean Martin. In this chapter however it was by the Pussycat Dolls version, hence Alice's reaction. You know the drill lovlies. **


	2. Only My Memories

_**A/N: Posted early because I'm a "fictease"**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own it. **_

* * *

_**Alice**_

_**September 13th **_

"That's her." Bella whispered as she pointed over the top of her glass to a pretty blonde who sat tapping her fingers on the top of the counter.

"Really?" I asked almost in disbelief. This girl was gorgeous. Her long blonde hair cascaded down her back, half of it pulled up and held in place by a few bobby pins. Her makeup was light and barely there and her dress was to die for.

"Yup." Bella laughed as she took another drink. I laughed at the face she made and handed her my glass of ice water. Whatever Emmett had convinced her to drink was obviously horrible. "She's gorgeous."

I turned my head to see Bella staring at the girl in front of her like she was the Queen of England and not some chick her brother wanted to bang. Although, I had to admit, this girl, whoever she was, had changed something in Emmett. No longer did he come home talking about his 'lays' that he met at the bar that night. No, he was talking about flowers and candy and how he could woo this woman. With all his effort, I was surprised she hadn't faltered in her game yet.

"I want to talk to her." I said as I slid from the bar stool and started in that direction. Before I could make it very far though, Bella's hand caught my arm and pulled me back. I was surprised she didn't fall off of her own barstool with the force she exerted on me.

"You can't just go talk to her."

"Why not?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because...because Emmett will kill you."

I rolled my eyes at her logic and crossed my arms over my chest as I stared at my best friend. It was her birthday after all. Her birthday and here we were staking out the object of Emmett's desire as she waited for someone. Of course, it was my fault we were doing this anyway. I had been at Emmett's house earlier in the evening as I made the three of us dinner when Emmett whined about the way 'Rose' had been talking on her cell phone to some guy that she was supposed to meet downtown later. If I had just kept my mouth shut we would be celebrating Bella's birthday we had been doing for the past twelve years: with rainbow sorbet and a butt load of cake as we popped in every movie Audrey Hepburn had ever been in and lost ourselves in a blissful daze of simpler times.

But no. I had to be a smart aleck and witty. I just_had_ to laugh when he said "I wish I knew what she was doing," and then proceed to just blurt out that we could always _stalk_ her. Yeah, real smart Alice. I wanted to kick myself. So that is why we found ourselves in the middle of some "Irish pub" in downtown Seattle where the smoke was so thick it could give you black lung in two minutes tops and the only Irish thing about it was the name. O'Grady's, O'Tooles, Wifey McBeaty's. I wasn't sure anymore.

Bella's cell phone was on the table, Emmett's number on the screen ready to go. We were supposed to wait until whoever she was meeting showed up and then call him, at which point he would just _happen_ to meet us here– wherever _here_ was– after work. Yeah, really great plan. I could see several holes in it already. One for example, being that this Rose girl was meeting her boyfriend here. Her _really_ jealous, over bearing, protective boyfriend. In that case, I wasn't worried so much for our sakes, or even Emmett's, Lord knows he could protect himself. But more for the poor boyfriend who would be spending the next four to six months in ICU.

"Oh look, he's here." Bella's elbow to my ribs pulled me out of my trance long enough to send her a death glare before I picked up her cell phone to give Emmett the 'signal'. His idea, not mine. "He is... damn fine."

I had just put the phone to my ear when Bella's words radiated through my skull. I didn't know whether to be shocked and appalled at my best friend who had just shouted out her opinions to the rest of the bar. Or to be proud that my little Bella was finally growing up and giving in to the female libido she'd been hiding from as she played nun. I didn't have much time to ponder however as I let my eyes dart to whoever she happened to be talking about and I froze. His back was to me but all I could see were the locks of honey blonde hair that framed his head. It was the exact same shade as _his_. Suddenly the walls were closing in around me and I couldn't see anything but the way his hair was slightly damp from the inevitable rain outside. The way it curled up and he was trying to smooth it out. The breath felt like it had been knocked out of me as

I dropped Bella's phone and scooted out of the booth, trying to make a run for the door.

Too many people were blocking my path and I was too small to move them myself so I stopped right where I was as I tried to keep my knees from shaking so bad. The lights were blinding me and I could feel sweat on my forehead as my chest constricted. Bella's voice was close and I could hear her shout something to me. I tried to turn to find her but the bodies around me were swaying. Or was it me that was swaying? Why couldn't I hold still? I felt the cool wood of the floor beneath my hands and it was quivering from the bass of the speakers. My stomach was twisted in knots and I could feel the vomit rising up in my throat but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it to go one way or another.

"Alice? Al come on." I felt my head lift up off the ground and I looked up to see the deep chocolate brown of Emmett's eyes. Now that his hands were holding me to him I could feel that it wasn't the floor that had been quivering, it was me. I was shaking and Emmett's hands were trying to hold me still. "What is it baby?"

My breathing was staggered and hitched and I felt another set of cool hands touch my forehead. Smoothing, caressing. Then the same hands were on my neck and my wrists and I was terrified because I didn't know who was touching me and I couldn't explain the little fires that seemed to be burning in the wake of each brush. Emmett's eyes had wandered away from mine to whoever was now holding my wrist tightly between his fingers. Em's lips were moving but my ears felt like they had been stuffed with cotton, it was so garbled. I looked down and saw a flash of gold as the person sitting beside me looked down at the watch on his wrist.

"Ja...Jack." I muttered and then the world went black.

XxxxxX

The beeping was annoying. It was one of those ridiculous high-pitched keening bleeps too. The ones that make dogs howl and babies cry. My eyes were still closed but already the events of what happened before that awful sound woke me up were replaying through my mind. I didn't want to open my eyes at all, even though I knew eventually I'd have to. But it felt easier this way, although that damn beeping noise would _have_ to go.

"Will she be okay?" My ears perked as I heard Bella's soft voice echo through the small space I knew I'd find myself confined too once I did finally open my eyes.

"She should be alright..." I had never heard this voice before. It was smooth and nice and velvety. "I would like to talk to her though about... perhaps some grief counseling."

I felt my heart tug at those words. Bella had said them a few months back and I had shot her down. I didn't need it. I didn't need the help, I didn't want someone telling me to let go. I didn't want to let go. And most importantly I didn't want to forget and that's what you always did eventually. You forgot.

"I just... I don't understand. She seemed to be doing so well with everything these past few weeks. It was a bit of a rough start at first, but that's normal isn't it? I mean she just lost her husband for Christ's sake."

I could almost see this mystery person bobbing his head up and down as Bella sighed quietly. I felt like an invalid, and I wanted to open my eyes and talk to them myself. To let them know I was awake, but was it really so bad to let them think I was still blissfully unaware of my surroundings? I wished I still was.

"I can't even begin to imagine the pain she's been going through." There goes that voice again. "And the panic attack she had just proves that despite the facade she may wear around the ones she loves, she's still hurt."

"I know." Bella's voice was sad. Pained. "I wish I knew how to help her."

"Sometimes, the only thing you can do is be there."

There was some shuffling and a few papers rustled and I wanted to peek so desperately to see what was going on. But I couldn't make myself do it. It was like my eyes had a mind of their own and then again, they probably did because it felt like my own mind wasn't mine anymore.

"I'm just so glad that he was there."

"He's a great man." The man conceded and I immediately wondered who _he_ was. Emmett? Surely not. "I have to go make my rounds now but if there is anything you need. Anything at all, please don't hesitate to call me Bella."

"I know...and thank you, Dr. Masen. For everything."

I heard the door close and the soft squeaks of Bella's shoes against the linoleum as she made her way to my side.

"Alice? Alice can you hear me?" She asked softly and I despite the way my heart hurt just thinking it, I wished she would let me alone for awhile. "Alice, you need to wake up. We're worried about you."

"Bella..." I croaked out, not realizing just how hoarse and gritty my throat was until after I'd tried to use it.

"I'm right here." I felt her small hand fold into mine and I squeezed it tightly. "You scared the shit out of us. Emmett just about had a heart attack when he saw you, and I've never seen that boy cry so much..." Her voice cracked at the end and I let my eyes flutter open. Thankfully it was dark in the room.

"What happened?" Bella bit her lip as she stared at me. Obviously wondering how addled my brain was. "Apart from the serious panic attack I mean."

She nodded her head and cleared her throat before launching into a detailed explanation of how Emmett had gotten tired of waiting down the street at the bagel shop so he had moved to sit on the park bench a few doors down. When I had called I hadn't said anything, and he had known something was off as he sprinted towards the pub. By the time he had reached the door he could see me standing in the middle of the crowded dance floor and then watched as my knees buckled before he barreled into the room and screamed for an ambulance or a doctor. Bella had already been on the phone to 911 when a doctor had pushed through the crowd. He also happened to be the guy Rosalie had been waiting for. Her twin brother.

"So what happened to you?" Bella asked timidly once she had recounted her tale.

I shook my head and turned my eyes out of my window, watching as a blinking light in the sky grew bigger and bigger and I realized it was probably a medical helicopter bringing in a patient. "Alice, you have to talk about it sometime."

"I'd rather not." I sighed and closed my eyes against the tears that had pooled in them.

"Al..."

"No Bella. I don't want to okay?"

There was a pause and for a moment I thought I might have been a little too harsh. "Alright. But I want you to see a grief counselor."

"No." I said immediately.

"Alice, it will help..."

"No."

"Mary Alice Brandon."

"Bella stop alright?" I snapped. "I'm not going to see a counselor or a shrink or any other kind of doctor. I'm fine, so you can stop acting like I'm not."

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly as we engaged in a stare down. Something that wasn't entirely new to us. And then her face softened a bit and she nodded her head.

"Alright. That's just fine. But I called your mom and dad."

"You did what?" I roared.

"They deserve to know that their daughter is..."

"I can't believe you."

"They love you Alice. They're worried about you... we all are. You haven't been the same since he died. He's gone Alice. Yes it's unfair, yes it's shitty and I know you'd rather be dead than living without him Al, but he's _gone_."

"Get out."

"What?"

"_Get the hell out of my room_."

She stared at me in blank shock for what felt like an eternity before she finally nodded, picked up her things and left without another word, but not before I heard the suppressed sob she tried to hide as a cough. Sure she was my best friend but she was wrong. I didn't need a counselor and I wasn't going to go to one. And I couldn't believe she had called my parents. That's all I needed was for mom to coddle me while dad was constantly throwing me worried glances. He was a doctor, it was what he did. I sighed and turned on the television above me and flipped mindlessly through the channels. The infomercials were incredibly bad and I caught myself laughing at a few of them and how ridiculously cheesy they were. Not only do you get a diet pill that makes you lose twenty pounds overnight, you also get a nose job...no wait, you become an entirely new person.

It was something Jack would have said. I winced as the name cut through my thoughts like a butcher's knife, severing everything and making it hurt. It shouldn't be like this. He should be here. With me. He should have been right by Emmett's side as we "stalked" that Rosalie girl and he would have been there to force me out on to the dance floor. It just wasn't fair. I rolled over on my side and pulled the pillow around my face, muffling the sound as I screamed into it with all my might.

"Hey Ali-cat." I jumped and pulled the pillow away from my face quickly, looking up to see him sitting in the chair Bella had just left. The chair that only seconds before had been empty. I was certain of it. "I always hated it when you did that to our pillows ya know. The drool on them afterwards was unbelievable"

"What are you doing here?" I choked as I fought the urge to jump out of the bed and into his arms.

"What am I _not_ doing here? You're in the hospital Ali. Never knew you were that bad of a dancer, thought that was Bella's job."

"They want me to go to a counselor Jack." I cried and I saw his lips pull up into that smirk that always let me know when he was going to flash me his dimples.

"I know."

"I don't want to go."

"I know that too."

"What do I do?"

"Bella's stubborn. Whether you like it or not she'll find a way to get you there." He chuckled quietly as he stood up and leaned over me, his dog tags gleaming in the light from the moon outside. "And that way will probably involve Emmett."

"So I go?"

"Either way." He laughed as he bent down to press his lips to my hair and I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling. "And remember what I said before I left."

"You keep saying that, but I don't..."

"Ah.." He cut me off. "Remember what I said."

"'K"

I heard his soft laugh and I felt my lips pull up into the tiniest of smiles as I breathed in deeply, trying to smell him. That wonderful smell of cookies and hay, that I had come to love so much. But I couldn't smell it. He was gone.

"Alice? Alice wake up."

"Mom?' I asked and my eyes flew open to see her standing beside me, her eyes moistened with tears, my dad standing behind her by the door, his arms crossed over his chest. "Oh sweetie." I turned my head to see that the sun was shining brightly in the sky. "Are you okay?"

"Esme, let the girl breathe." My dad said quietly as he walked forward to run his finger down the length of my nose. He had done it since I was born. "Hey munchkin."

"Hey daddy." I sighed softly as I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. It had all been a dream. And apart from my memories, that's all I would ever have left of him.

* * *

**A/N: Review for a sneak peek of the next chapter. **


	3. They Can Never Have Yesterday

_**A/N: I love this chapter, and thanks so much to irritablegrizzlylover for pointing out the difference between a bunny and Marilyn Monroe. Love ya chick. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **_

* * *

**_They can take tomorrow and the plans we made  
They can take the music that we'll never play  
All the broken dreams  
Take everything  
Just take it away  
But they can never have yesterday  
They can take the future that we'll never know  
They can take the places that we said we will go  
All the broken dreams  
Take everything  
Just take it away  
But they can never have yesterday  
-Leona Lewis_**

_**Alice**_

_**October 31st. **_

I sighed as I ran a hand through my now incredibly short hair. Bella was going to kill me, but I didn't care. I actually liked it like this. It was easier to work with and surprisingly looked really good with my face shape. Jack would have flipped though, and that's all I could think about now.

My counselor had suggested I do things different. Try to break out of my shell a little more. Be someone Jack would be proud of. But when I went shopping this afternoon and popped by the salon, I hadn't expected to chop eight inches off of my hair. It had just happened. Spur of the moment. I heard the front door unlock and Emmett's booming laughter fill the hallway as I kept pulling at the thin strands, as though willing it to grow back would make it happen any faster. I could hear Bella's soft voice as she reprimanded her brother for something. I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath as I stepped out of the bedroom and walked into the hallway.

"Oh my God!" Bella cried when she saw me and I cringed, biting my lip and holding my hands behind my back as I waited like a two year old for a scolding. "Alice it looks great! When did you do it?"

My brow furrowed as I opened one eye to look at my best friend. The same best friend whose hair was now to the middle of her back and pulled back in a long plait. The same best friend who told me I shouldn't cut my hair ever again since the last time I had, it had taken forever to grow out.

"Today..." I said uneasily and she came forward to run her fingers through my now spiky locks.

"I love it. It looks really good on you."

"Thanks? Are you okay?" I asked as I chanced a glance toward Emmett to see him holding his stomach tightly as though trying not to laugh. "Okay, what's going on?"

"Nothing." Bella said a little too quickly as she turned and made a mad dash for it into the living room behind her.

"Emmett?"

"She's getting laid." Emmett choked out and I felt my eyes widen as Bella groaned from where she was hidden on the couch.

"Since when? More importantly with who?" I shouted as I jumped over the back of the couch and landed smack dab on Bella before Emmett came and joined us making an Alice sandwich.

"He's no one."

"I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate you talking about him like that Bells." Emmett chuckled as he mussed her hair with his hand. "He is a doctor and what not."

"A doctor? Bella!"

"Okay, okay. Get off me and I'll spill."

Emmett clambered off me and seated himself on the coffee table. Something Jack would have killed him for...

"So you know when you...well on my birthday?"

"Yes." I said, trying to avoid any mention of what exactly had happened that night at O'Malley's. I had never really apologized for acting like a bitch to Bella and that's probably why I had yet to hear about this mystery man of hers.

"Well, he was the doctor on call at the hospital when we got there."

"Dr. Masen?"

"Edward." Bella mumbled as her cheeks flamed that familiar red color I felt like I hadn't seen in so long. "Well after you umm..."

She looked over at her brother uncomfortably. I knew she hadn't told him that I had flipped out on her and ordered her from the room. That was just between the two of us and besides, she knew Emmett would most likely jump to her side.

"After I left. He found me upset and took me out to eat at this diner across the road..."

I was utterly shell shocked. This was Bella. The very same girl who hadn't had a boyfriend until her sophomore year of high school. The girl who was so shy that she wouldn't go out on a date unless I went with her. And here she was screwing some doctor she had just met a month ago.

"He had better be hot." I finally said and Bella's face went from worried and anxious to embarrassed and happy in three point five seconds. "And good in bed. I want details."

Emmett covered his ears with his hands, humming loudly as he jumped up from the couch and ran from the room making both Bella and I laugh. Like he hadn't subjected us to every one of his gory details after almost every 'score'. I leaned back on the couch as Bella launched into the story of how Edward had been her shoulder to cry on that night and ended up being so much more. He was coming to the Halloween party that night and apparently she wouldn't say yes to his request to become an 'item' unless I approved. Not something that shocked me since we had been doing it since middle school when Jeremy Tucker asked me to go out with him and Bella had hated his guts.

"Hello my little pervy darlings." Emmett sang as he reappeared in the doorway with three garment bags in his hands. "Are you done talking about Bella's debauchery or do you need more time? Because the costume party starts in about half an hour and..."

I nearly groaned as I remembered why my two best friends were here this evening. Emmett had cornered me a few days ago, demanding that I dress up as his other half at the Halloween party. Of course when he pouted the way he did I hadn't been able to say no, which is why I was now being forced into a skimpy, barely there costume and dragged to the same place where I had had my 'episode' last month.

"Coming big bear." Bella sighed as she pushed herself off of my couch and stretched herself.

"Alice?"

"Coming." I muttered as I followed Bella out of the living room and took the bag Emmett handed to me.

"This is going to be great!" Emmett boomed as he locked himself in the bathroom and giggled like a little girl.

I hesitated as I walked into my room and Bella smiled as she slung her arm around my shoulder.

"I'm sorry you know..." I said quietly. "About what happened at the hospital."

"I know." Bella matched my tone as she dropped her bag and wrapped her other arm around me too. "And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you, but I'm glad you went."

"I know." I smiled as I pulled away and held up the bag in my hand. "I guess we should get this out of the way."

"It'll be great. I promise." Bella laughed. And I could only hope she was right.

XxxxxX

"Love your…costume." I rolled my eyes at the blonde who now stood three inches away from me and took one giant step back.

"Thanks."

"Are you with Tarzan over there?" She asked as she thrust her thumb towards where Emmett was forcing Bella to dance to the song pumping through the loud speakers.

"Yes."

"Damn shame I tell you. He is one fine piece of ass..." She was so lost in her admiration of Emmett that she didn't even notice when I slipped off and made my way over to the bathroom in the back of the dark pub.

We hadn't even been here for twenty minutes and already I was ready to steal Emmett's jeep and go home. Of course, I had promised Bella I would wait for Edward to show up from work and Emmett had made me swear that I wouldn't sneak off without meeting Rosalie. Though how anyone expected me to get home without them, I had no idea. Why I had even agreed to this, I also had no idea. I made a mental note to figure out a way to become immune to Emmett's pouting as I pushed open the door to the ladies room and slipped inside.

I leaned on the counter of the sink and avoided the mirror like a plague. I knew I'd look like hell, even while I was dressed up in this ridiculous costume, and I didn't want to see just how bad I actually looked.

"Alice?" The door to the bathroom creaked open and Bella stuck her head inside, spotting me as the worried look on her face became less pronounced.

"Hey, sorry Bells. Just had to pee..." I trailed off as the door opened again and Rosalie stepped in, looking like a vision of perfection in what was clearly a Playboy bunny costume.

"Is she in there?" I heard Emmett boom from the other side of the door and I smiled my best 'I'm so happy it's Halloween' smile as I turned around and started washing my hands.

"You must be Alice." Rosalie held out a paper towel to me and I took it with a small smile before holding out my dry hand to her.

"Hi Rosalie, I've heard so much about you."

"Please, call me Rose." She said softly, shaking my hand.

"Hey, are you guys done bonding yet? I want to go get my drink on." I rolled my eyes at Emmett's booming voice and opened the door for Rosalie and Bella. The latter of the two gave me a questioning glance and I tried to reassure her with my eyes, though I wasn't even that sure myself.

"So, let's grab some drinks Rose, you two go grab us a table." Emmett commanded as he grabbed Rose's hand and pulled her off in the direction of the bar. "And don't forget there's two more coming."

"Two more?" I asked as I led Bella to a table I spotted in the corner of the pub, it's occupants were leaving as we marched toward them.

"Yes, Edward and Rose's twin brother. I forget his name." Bella called as we slid into the now empty booth. "And are you okay?"

"Fine. Why?" I said quickly.

"Alice..."

"I'm fine Bells." I said hastily as I tried to avoid any further interrogation. Luckily Emmett and Rose decided to appear at that very moment and set their beers down on the table before going out to dance.

It was funny to watch Emmett with Rose. Before he had met her he was definitely what one would consider a 'playboy' and he had been proud of it. Now however, as he held Rose by the waist and swayed gently in time with the music, he only had eyes for the woman in his hands. It was like the beautiful blonde had made him do a complete one-eighty. Something Bella, Jack and I had been trying to do for years. I was happy for him.

"Bella?" I snapped my eyes away from the couple on the dance floor to see Bella doing the same as we both looked up into the green eyes of a bronze haired man.

"Edward!" Bella cried as she launched herself out of her seat and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He chuckled as he placed a few kisses on her cheeks and then held her face in his hands as he devoured her lips gently. I turned my eyes away from them quickly. It wasn't that I had anything against PDA, I had done my fair share of it. It was just that now instead of feeling like the mother hen of my group of friends, I felt like the fifth wheel.

I downed my drink in a few gulps and grabbed Emmett's before he could see me doing it. Bella was whispering to Edward where they stood and Emmett and Rosalie were now locked in a very passionate, very public kiss in the middle of the dance floor. I frowned as I realized the beer in Emmett's glass was gone and I quickly deposited the empty glass back on the table. Looping my fingers in the handle, I slid Bella's to me and sipped on it. I had always had a low tolerance for alcohol, and now I was starting to feel the buzz.

"Alice, I almost forgot you were there." Bella laughed as she slid back in next to me and looked at the empty glasses on the table. Her eyes narrowed for a brief second and I quickly tried to avert her attention.

"Hi. You must be Edward." I chirped and I was shocked that my voice sounded different. Better. Not as ugly.

"Yes, I am. And you're the Alice I've heard so much about." He smiled as he wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her closer. Like he was trying to pull her away from me. His arms were protecting her, shielding her and suddenly I felt sick.

"It's a pleasure to meet you..." I muttered and then said a silent 'To hell with it." As I tipped back Bella's glass and polished it off.

I turned my eyes back on Rosalie and Emmett. Rose's head was thrown back in laughter as Emmett smiled adoringly at her, his dimples deep and prominent.

"Please?" I turned my head to see Edward pouting, looking up through his lashes at Bella as he held on to both of her hands in his.

"No, I don't like dancing. Right Al?"

"What? Oh. Yeah." I nodded my head and then when Bella wasn't looking reached over and pulled Rosalie's abandoned drink into my clutches.

"For me?" Edward grinned and I could see in that moment why Bella had fallen so hard and so fast for him. He really was gorgeous.

Bella's head turned to me and I set down the cup quickly, taking care not to slosh any of the liquid over the top as I acted like I hadn't just stolen and downed two other drinks besides my own. "Go ahead." I said as she bit her lip in thought.

That seemed to be enough as she let Edward pull her in to his arms and out onto the dance floor. Away from me. Rosalie's glass wasn't as full as I thought it was and it only took me a minute to finish it. My head was swimming with the sounds of music, laughter, and clanking glasses. I was watching everyone around me dance, while a few of the more desperate creatures who called themselves men tried to hit on the poor girls at the bar.

"Hello sweetheart. You're looking a little lonely." I attempted to roll my eyes at the lame excuse of a person who was now trying to sidle up to me in the booth. "Mind if I keep you company?"

"Yes actually. I do." I said and again I was shocked that the voice coming out of my mouth was mine. It was like having a friend leave for a while and then come back. Like you didn't know how much you would miss her until she was gone.

"Oh, and why would that be Jane?" I scoffed at his lame attempt and turned to look at him for the first time.

He wasn't bad looking I suppose. His dark hair and light eyes looked nice together, but he was still a sleaze. That much I was sure.

"Because I'm married." I smiled as I held up my hand. It was the first time I had ever really remembered that I still wore it. It was like second nature to me to take it off and on. It had been for five years.

"I don't see him anywhere around." The sleaze said as he leaned in closer to me and slung his arm around the back of my seat. "And if that's him over there dressed as Tarzan, I'd be filing for a divorce real quick."

He nodded his head to where Rosalie now stood in Emmett's arms as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Dammit, I had forgotten that little flaw in my plan.

"Um..no...I mean, that's not him..he's uh.." My eyes were flitting around the entire pub at this point and I really wished I hadn't drank so much. My brain was too foggy.

"What do you say you and I get out of here and have our own little party." His hand slowly crept up my leg, my bare leg, as he made his way up to the tiny little thing that was supposed to be a skirt. Why, oh why had I let Emmett talk me into being Jane? More importantly why had I let him talk me into wearing something that would barely pass as a tea cozy. It had also required the underwear I had on under it to resemble dental floss than acceptable undergarments.

"No." I said and I reached down to push his hand away.

I cringed as his fingers dug into my thigh, hard, and I cried out in pain. "Oh baby, I love it when girls do that for me." He breathed into my ear and I tried hard not to gag. The alcohol was already rising back up my throat and I wished I had eaten more today.

"Stop." I tried again and this time his other hand came up to my neck as he pushed my head down and forward.

"I make the commands here bitch." He snarled and while I knew it was no use, I still tried to fight off his grip. "Now shut up and make this easy on the both of us."

"Why don't you let go of my wife and I'll go easy on you." The voice was loud and thunderous, even over the roar of the Friday night, Halloween party, pub crowd. It seemed that some of the bystanders around had stopped to listen to the commotion that was currently taking place at my table. I was frozen however, It was a new voice, one I had never heard before. It wasn't the same smooth drawl that my dreams always held for me. But I found that it comforted me, it made me want to turn and see who it was that was protecting my honor.

I felt the hand on my leg ease a bit and the one on my neck removed completely, but I knew that with just one wrong movement I could end up in his clutches again, so I stayed stalk still.

"Why don't you make me?" The sleaze hissed and it seemed that almost all the noise in the crowded pub had died out. So much so that I could easily hear the next words spoken. Though they were definitely not meant for my ears.

"Why don't you take your hands away from her before I remove them for you. And while I'm at it I might just shove them up your asshole and watch you bleed to death."

The menace was there, and I could feel the hand that was on my thigh slowly but surely release me. Though the sleaze obviously was afraid of the man who had threatened his all too feely hands, I wasn't.

"Just have the slut. I don't want her. She looks half dead anyway." The sleaze said loud enough for everyone else to hear.

I chanced a glance up then, and though Ol' Sleazy was blocking my view of the man who had rescued me, I could clearly see Emmett and Edward walking toward us. Both of their hands were balled up into fists and their jaws were clenched so tightly together I thought their teeth might shatter.

"Why don't you take a walk with us Demetri." Edward spat and I could see a few other men behind them take up positions as though waiting for a fight to break loose.

Emmett stood beside Edward, his face menacing, as he cracked his knuckles. It might have been funny to see someone as sweet as him looking all macho and manly, if I hadn't known how fiercely protective Em was and how he would do just about anything to protect the ones he loved.

"I'll just show myself out thank you." Demetri said as he pushed past Edward, as he tried to slink past Emmett, but Emmett had other plans. He pivoted around on one foot, something he had learned to do when he took ballet with me. He had claimed it was for football and the ladies, but I knew as well as Bella that he actually enjoyed it. Though he would never admit it.

"Next time... you won't be so lucky. I'm not as nice as my friend over here." Emmett growled before stepping aside lithely and letting the sleaze pass.

"You okay?" I looked away from Emmett to finally see the man who had saved me.

He wasn't in a costume. It was the first thing I noticed as I took in his appearance. He was kneeling down next to me and looking me directly in the eyes. His hair was hidden beneath a dark grey beanie. His black button up shirt was adorned with red and blue squares and was open to expose a tight white T-shirt underneath. He had a necklace on but it was tucked underneath his shirt and hidden from view. My eyes finally reached his face which was now creased with worry as he stared at me, obviously worried for my sanity as I stared like a complete idiot when he asked me a direct question.

"Fine." I finally mumbled and nodded my head. I heard a few sighs of relief and I turned to find Edwards arms wrapped around Bella who looked like she was going to cry at any second. Though I knew they would be tears of anger at Sleaze bag. Emmett was still in his older brother stance. His arms crossed over his huge chest, his muscles exploding from his arms. The Tarzan outfit he had on only accentuated his assets and from the looks Rosalie was shooting his way, I doubted she'd be keeping up her little game of "catch me if you can."

"Alice do you want to…"

"I'm fine, really." I said to Bella. "I think I'll get another drink. You guys go ahead." I nodded back out to the dance floor and waited until the guy with the hat moved out of my way so that I could go to the bar, ignoring the way Bella looked at the empty glasses on the table and then back to me. She wouldn't say anything. At least not tonight, and by the time she did, I'd already be paying for it with a hangover.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Edward dragged Bella back to the dance floor, and Emmett and Rosalie practically went at it in the darker part of the pub. It was after another two drinks that I realized I really had to go to the bathroom. I made my way carefully through the weaving, stumbling, staggering patrons and to the ladies room, cringing as the lights inside hurt my eyes. I didn't think they had been that bright the last time I was in here.

It took me a while to go to the bathroom and then I couldn't figure out how to flush the toilet, until I realized it had a sensor and would flush when I moved out of it's way.

By the time I reached the bar again, it seemed like most of the party had died down. There were still a lot of people dancing but as I looked around I realized I couldn't see the rippled chest of Emmett in his Tarzan outfit or Rosalie's bunny ears. They weren't in a dark corner and they weren't dancing. After I gave up looking for them, I went to my fail-safe. But I couldn't find her either. My heart was beating rapidly as I looked around for my friends. Bella was nowhere in sight in her vampire costume and I was scared. They wouldn't just leave me here would they?

"Alice?" I turned around quickly on my barstool. Too quickly apparently as I felt myself flying off of it and saw the floor rushing up to meet my face. I didn't hit it though as I felt two solid arms wrap around me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

Confused I looked up to see the guy who had saved me earlier. "It's okay." I mumbled though I wasn't sure if it came out that way at all.

"I'm Jasper by the way. Jasper Hale. I'm Rosalie's brother." He stopped and I nodded my head in understanding. "Rosalie wanted to...well she and Emmett left together and Edward said he'd take Bella home and…"

"They left me?" I asked, suddenly even more panicky as he set me upright and made sure I didn't fall over. The world wasn't spinning too badly. Yet.

"Well, they wanted me to take you home, if that's alright. If it's not I can call Emmett and he said he'd come right back and get you."

As I looked into his face, I knew I'd be okay going home with him. And I definitely didn't want to call Emmett to come back and rescue me. Not when he was so close to getting rid of his new alter-ego who seemed ready to break into song and dance at any moment.

"No, it's fine." I said and I think he understood because he smiled and let me walk to the front door by myself.

He held the door open for me and walked me down the street to where a sleek black Mercedes was parallel parked next to the Pizza Hut. He opened the passenger door and I slid in, relishing the feel of the cool leather on my overheated skin. Maybe I really did have too much to drink.

"Directions?"

"I have a GPS." He said as he pointed to something on his dashboard and I sighed, resting my head against the glass. "Just tell me if you're going to be sick."

"Okay Jason."

"It's Jasper."

"Okay."

I heard him sigh as we started driving and I closed my eyes against the harsh light from the street lamps that came through the window. We pulled up in front of my house soon enough and I opened the door, tumbling out onto the curb.

"Let me help you." He said as he appeared at my side and helped me stand up. He walked me all the way to the door and I managed to pull my key from where I had stuck it in my bra and unlock the door before stumbling inside.

"Thanks Jared."

"It's Jasper. Jasper Hale."

"Yup. I'm Alice. Alice Cullen." I said and I was pretty sure I had managed to say it all correctly. It had been a few weeks ago that I started using my maiden name again. Luckily for me, my friends had all understood my need for it. I held my hand out and he shook it gently before letting it go. I almost fell backwards when he did but managed to catch myself on the doorframe.

"Do you need help getting into bed or..."

"I'm fine." I tried to assure him.

"Okay. Well, goodbye Alice Cullen."

"Bye Justin."

I closed the door as I stumbled my way over to the couch, pulling off my costume as I went, then throwing on the sweatshirt Emmett always left over here before collapsing on the sofa, pulling the blanket over me and closing my eyes, wanting to see the love of my life. Waiting for Jack to come.

* * *

**A/N: I know I say I do this just for me but I am getting kind of nervous because this story isn't getting much of a response. Please let me know what you think guys. And in return I'll give you a sneak peek. **


	4. I Should Be Thankful For Everday

_**You always choose to stay  
I should be thankful for everyday  
Heaven knows what the future holds  
Or least where the story goes  
I never believed it until now  
I know I'll see you again I'm sure  
No it's not selfish to ask for more  
One more night one more day  
One more smile on your face  
-Leona Lewis**_

**Alice**

**November 27th **

"Yams. I can't find the yams." Bella nearly screamed as she flitted about the kitchen, trying to do too many things at once. I would have helped her, but she wouldn't let me, seeing as how I was a terrible cook. And Emmett wasn't allowed any where near the kitchen after the last incident.

"So whose idea was it to invite them over for lunch?" I asked around a mouthful of Cheez-It's as Emmett and I sat on the couch watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

"I have no idea." Emmett said honestly as he watched the screen.

"And whose idea was it to use my house?" I asked.

"Bella's." He sighed. "You have a bigger kitchen or something."

I rolled my eyes and laid back down on the couch after taking another handful of cheese crackers. It had been a long day since the two of them slept at my house last night and we all got ready for today. Whose ever idea it was to invite both Rose and Edward over, really didn't think this through.

"Alice. Phone." Bella called from the kitchen and I sighed as I rolled off the couch, my feet hitting the floor as I stayed in a hunched over position. I was almost tempted to just lay back down and pretend to be asleep. I probably wouldn't have even gotten out of bed today had it not been for Bella and Emmett and their refusal to let me wallow in my sorrow.

"Alice...now."

I groaned and stretched up to a full height position, popping my back and stretching my arms above my head. I nearly screamed when I felt Emmett's hand slap my ass and I turned to glare at him right as Bella decided to scream my name at the top of her lungs.

"Calm down." I yelled as I entered the kitchen and picked up the old phone we had in there. Complete with an extra long, Napoleon Dynamite cord as I liked to call it. "Hello?"

"Hey baby."

"Hi daddy." I sighed as soon as my dad's voice filled the speaker. "What's up?"

"Your mom wants me to tell you happy Thanksgiving." He said and before I could reply the phone was suddenly out of my grip and in Bella's.

"Hey Carlisle." She said and I narrowed my eyes as she smiled at me innocently. "Yup...yes she is…alright…no we'd love it…okay, here is she."

Bella kissed my head as she thrust the phone into my hands and went back to fixing the crust on her pie. Damn Betty Crocker.

"Hello?" I said again, not bothering to hide the irritation in my voice.

"Aw now Alice, don't get mad at Bella. She's just trying to make this day perfect."

"Yeah, yeah." I grumbled as I pulled myself onto one of the barstools that sat by the island in my kitchen.

"Really, she's your best friend." He scolded, though I could hear the underlying humor to his tone. He was used to Bella and me bickering like sisters. In fact, he'd probably be more worried if we didn't fight.

"I know." I sighed in defeat as I picked a black olive out of the tray in front of me and stuck it on the tip of my finger. "So what did you need?"

"Anxious to get rid of me?" He chuckled and I rolled my eyes as I stuck the tip of my finger in my mouth and sucked noisily on the olive. "Mary Alice that is disgusting."

"Oh, the full name." I laughed quietly. "I'm not anxious for anything but to get back to the parade. I think the New Kids on the Block are coming up soon."

"Right, well I'll let you go then." My dad said quickly. I knew how much he hated it when us girls would gush about things like boy bands, or hot sexy actors. The number one reason I had even mentioned it.

"Bye dad." I said as I slid off the stool and went to hang up the phone. But not before I heard the next thing he said.

"See you soon."

I heard the tell-tale click on his end that let me know he had hung up but I put the phone to my ear anyway, trying to call him back.

"Alice?" I turned to find Bella holding a bag of marshmallows in both hands, frozen in the act of trying to open it. Her forehead was creased in worry and I had no doubt that it wasn't for my sake, but for her own.

"You invited them?" I accused as I took three giant steps toward my best friend, fully prepared to launch anything and everything I could at her.

"Yes, a couple of weeks ago. I told you this."

"Liar." I snapped and I flung the olive that was still on my finger at her face. Of course, it hit her right in the eye and she dropped the bag and cursed quietly.

"Alice calm down."

"No, I won't calm down! How could you Bella?"

"You haven't seen your parents since they came down last month and it's a holiday…you can't avoid them like this."

"Oh I very well can avoid them like this. Which is what I've been doing for the past three weeks Bells!" I spat as Bella ran to the other side of the island. Away from me. "You have no idea what it was like when my mother was here last. How she looked at me. How she treated me. I've been avoiding that Bella. Plus, my mom already thinks I went off the deep end. How am I going to explain why I refuse to go by his name anymore? How can I explain to her why all his pictures are hidden in a box under my bed? Tell me Bella."

I knew I was being irrational. I knew I was being childish, and immature and mildly stupid, but I couldn't make myself care and slowly I felt myself drifting back to the girl I had become after Jack died. After I got the news about what had happened.

"Alice…we love you." Bella said as she came back around the island and put her hands on my shoulders. "We want you to be happy and we want what's best for you. Your parents know to let you handle this and Esme doesn't think you've gone off the deep end."

"Yeah, she knows you did. But that happened a long time ago." I turned to see Emmett leaning in the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and a small smile on his lips. "Look Alice, I'm not going to let anything happen to you and neither is Bella."

I felt my shoulders slump as he came forward to wrap his arms around my shoulders. "I know that." I said, slightly defeated.

"Do you?"

"Yes." I nodded as I turned to look at Bella. "Sorry. I just…I don't want to…today should be happy."

"It should." She nodded with a small smile.

"Remembering that he's gone on his favorite holiday doesn't make me happy." I choked back a sob and one of my hands came up to cup itself over my mouth.

"Then we won't remember he's gone." Emmett said quietly and I looked up to meet his deep chocolate brown eyes. "We'll have Thanksgiving with Pops and Momma Cullen and we'll pretend that we're in high school again. We'll have Rosalie and Edward and we'll talk about movies and sports and eat lots of Bella's famous brown bag turkey and we won't remember him. At least not today. But you have to promise me Alice that you will remember him. Because he would want that Al. He would want you to remember the good times. The times he made you laugh. The times he made you smile. And I'm fairly certain he would want you to remember why you loved him so much."

My lower lip was trembling and I was having a hard time holding back my tears as they threatened to spill forth onto my cheeks.

"Promise me Alice." Emmett whispered forcefully.

"Promise." I mumbled and he pulled me into his arms. I felt Bella join the hug seconds later, her arms wrapped firmly around my shoulders as the three of us stood in the middle of my kitchen, the smells of thanksgiving enveloping us. We probably could have stayed like that a lot longer, just holding each other. I would have stayed like that a lot longer. Just letting my two best friends hold me together. As it was, we were interrupted when some familiar lyrics started playing through the quiet atmosphere.

**Shorty had them apple bottom jeans**

**Boots with the fur, with the fur**

**The whole club was looking at her. **

**She hit the floor, she hit the floor**

**next thing you thing you know, **

**Shorty got low, low, low, low, low, low**

"That'd be for me." Emmett said as he pulled away quickly and reached into his jeans pocket for his cell phone.

Bella rolled her eyes as his smile got even wider as he pushed the send button and put the phone to his ear, leaving the room hastily.

"Rose." Bella laughed and I smiled as I went to pull a soda out of the fridge and then pulled myself up on the kitchen counter. "I really like her."

"Me too." I said, and though I had only really met her one time, I really had no doubt that I did like her. Anybody that could make Emmett give up his chauvinistic ways was alright by me.

"Change of plans." Emmett boomed as he came back in the kitchen, his fact crestfallen. "Rose won't be here tonight."

"What? Why?" Bella asked hurriedly and I knew she was thinking the worst. Of course, I was too. It was only a matter of time before Rose saw the real Emmett right?

"Her brother just moved in with her and she doesn't want him to be alone tonight…" He trailed off and something passed between him and Bella. Like their unspoken sibling bond or whatever.

"I'm sorry Em." She sighed and then went back to chopping the potatoes she had in her hand.

"Why doesn't she bring him?" I asked dryly from where I sat on the counter, my coke in my hand as I stared at the two of them, who were now looking at me as though I had just solved world hunger.

"You…you wouldn't mind would you?" Emmett asked and he sounded slightly nervous. It was cute really. The only time I'd ever seen Emmett nervous before was when we had gone to Hurricane Harbor in Texas a few years ago when we were visiting his family, and somehow Jack had managed to get Emmett and me up on the rip cord. Emmett had wanted to pull the cord so badly but once we were up there, he lost his nerve and Jack had to do it for him while Emmett screamed like a girl. Jack had ribbed him about it for days afterwards and somehow always managed to never let him live it down.

"Uh…yeah? Should I not be?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No. We just thought…well we didn't know if you'd…"

"If I'd want him here?" I finished for Emmett who nodded his head sheepishly. "Look, I didn't want my parents here because my mom mollycoddles me and my dad tries to analyze my every movement, every word…I just…it's fine okay?"

They both nodded their heads in agreement and I slid off the counter, throwing my can in the recycling bin and turning towards the stairs. "I'm going to get ready."

I heard a mumble from where Emmett had wandered back into the living room and collapsed back in front of the television and Bella humming to herself as she sliced and diced one vegetable or another. I dragged myself up to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and throwing myself on my bed. My eyes weren't heavy and my body just wouldn't relax. It had been three long days since I had heard from Jack and the feelings that was causing me were terrifying. It was like I was a drug addict who hadn't had a fix in awhile. Or a drunk who didn't have the money for their next shot. I would do just about anything to hear his voice, to feel his arms around me. I stretched my legs out on my bed, relishing in the popping and cracking of my back as I did it. My head lolled to the side and my eyes came to rest on the closet.

It had been a long time since I had used the closet. I hadn't been able to bear going in there, ruining the way his things were, letting his scent out and making me yearn for him more. So I had moved my things from my closet and into the wardrobe and the guest closet across the hall. The doors to my beautiful closet, the one I had designed so carefully when we first moved in. The one Jack had spent countless hours driving back and forth to Home Depot for, was left untouched, one of my belts holding the doors closed from when I had slammed it just a little bit too hard and broke the handle off. I felt my lips curve up into an involuntary smile as I thought about how hard he had laughed when the metal handle had fallen off and hit me directly in the toe. He had called it Karma and I had called him a jackass, and then we made love right there on the closet floor. With that thought, I let my mind fill with the memories of Jack. The ones Emmett had reminded me I still had. Like when we went kayaking and Bella had somehow managed to not only fall in, but bring everyone else in with her. Or when Emmett had accidentally dated twins at the same time and Jack had to help him get out of it. It was things like that, the simple things that made him smile, that I wanted to hold on to the most. But it was also how his hair looked right after he woke up in the morning. Or the way his cheeks would feel against mine after he'd forget to shave on the weekends. The way he kissed me, the way his hand fit in mine, the way he smelled and how he looked when he smiled. Those were the things I couldn't afford to let go of. Those were things I had to keep and if I should lose them, I wasn't sure what I would do.

XxxxxX

"So, Bella tells me that you're a doctor?" My dad asked Edward as the two sat in front of the television. Emmett was currently sitting on the chair by the window, glancing out the curtains every few seconds as though Rosalie and her brother would somehow magically appear.

"Yes I am…well, I'm on my last year of residency." Edward said and he and my dad were instantly engrossed in their own little bubble of medical related terminology. Bella and my mom were in the kitchen, no doubt putting the feast Bella had prepared onto my barely used china to set in the equally neglected dining room.

I stood up quietly from the couch and walked into the hallway, stopping and sitting on the bottom step, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. Emmett and Bella had been true to their word, and surprisingly enough my parents had yet to say anything about my husband. For which I was grateful. But I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Of course it's wrong. I scolded myself. Jack's gone. He should be here. He should be laughing it up with Emmett over the game on t.v. or teasing him about his current inability to sit still as he waited for Rosalie to show up. He should be helping Bella and Esme set the table and pull things out of the oven as he tried to win over my mom's affections though I knew he already had them. He should be right here, with me. And yet he isn't. Everything is wrong.

I didn't have much time to wallow however, as Emmett came bounding into the hallway, his face alight with pure, unadulterated joy. He slammed open the door against the wall and I groaned, cursing him and his mother, as he skipped out the front door and I went to inspect the damage.

"Sorry we're so late." I looked up from the dent in my wall and the scuff in my paint to see Rosalie walking in. "I brought this for you."

She handed me a bottle of red wine and I took it with a 'thank you' before glaring at Emmett who stood behind her. "You will fix this." I hissed as I pointed to the ding in my wall and he ducked his head like a little boy and muttered a quiet "yes Alice".

Rosalie laughed and winked at me before Emmett led her off to the kitchen to meet Bella and Esme and I went to shut the door before a hand shot out and stopped me.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." I apologized to Rosalie's brother who stood on my front porch.

"It's alright." He said and though his voice wasn't cold, his tone was flat and short.

"Come on in." I offered as I opened the door wide and let him pass by. It was only as I was going to ask if he wanted me to take his jacket that I realized I didn't remember his name. Joshua? Joseph? Jacob? Crap. I mentally kicked myself as we stood awkwardly in the hallway.

"I'm sorry…I just…I can't remember your name."

"Yeah, kind of figured that." He said quietly as he slipped his jacket off of his arms and pulled his sweater sleeves down so that they touched below his wrists. "I'm Jasper."

"Jasper, right. Thanks." I sighed as I held my hands out for his jacket and he handed it to me stiffly. "Thank you for the ride by the way. On Halloween."

He nodded his head without saying anything and I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach for some reason.

"Well the boys are in the living room and dinner will be ready shortly so you can go ahead and make yourself comfortable in there."

"Thanks." He replied as he walked into the living room, leaving me standing in the open doorway, holding his jacket. I quickly snapped myself out of it and closed the door, hanging his jacket up on a hanger in the hall closet before returning to my post on the steps. It wasn't long before my mom's soft voice called us all in for dinner and I stood up, purposefully lagging behind everyone as we made our way into the dining room. Apparently it had been a bad idea because by the time I got there, the only open seat left was next to Jasper. I resisted the urge to make my plate and run into the living room with it as I sat down in the seat next to him and pulled my napkin into my lap like the good lady I was taught to be.

"Happy Thanksgiving everyone." My mom said once we were all seated and comfortable. "It's a family tradition that before we eat and say grace everyone at the table says one thing they're thankful for. We've been doing it a long time so I hope you kids can humor us old folk."

Emmett's booming laugh echoed around the table and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was about to turn a glare in his direction when I noticed my mom had already done the honors. Figures.

"So I'll go first. I am thankful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with my kids and their friends. Because Bella and Emmett, I love you like my own and I thank you for all you've done for Alice." I felt the lump well in my throat and I begged her not to go there. Not to bring him up. Not now. Thankfully she leaned back in her chair and looked at Carlisle expectantly who cleared his throat and smiled adoringly at his wife.

"I am thankful for thirty wonderful years of marriage to a beautiful woman, a gorgeous daughter, two amazing kids who I somehow put up with, and just being with the people I love on such a day as this." My dad smiled at me as he reached over to pull my mom's hand into his.

It continued around the circle as we all said our little thanks to whatever we wanted. We were all slightly shocked when Emmett, who usually thanked the cook for the food he was about to devour, turned to Rosalie and said something actually heartfelt and thoughtful. Bella was thankful for her usual love and family and Edward was thankful for being able to experience 'home away from home'

After Edward had finished with a kiss to Bella's cheek, it was Jasper's turn. He looked positively blank faced as he looked around the table and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'm thankful for the invitation." He said quietly and then looked at me, his electric blue eyes meeting mine. Really? I thought as I stared at him. Everyone else pours their hearts into what they are truly thankful for and all you can come up with is "thanks for the invitation"? I bit back the urge to say something and forced myself to sit up straighter in my chair. My mom was watching me with wary eyes, and I didn't want to look at anyone else to see if they were as well.

"I'm thankful Bella found yams." I said as I picked up my glass and swished the liquid around in it. "Oh, and I'm thankful Rosalie brought the wine too."

I knew the silence that followed my declaration was because of my blatant disregard for my guests, but I honestly couldn't care less as I let my eyes drift to the man sitting beside me. I almost gasped out loud as soon as my head turned and I found him still staring at me, his eyes calculating, measuring.

"Cheers." I said as I tipped back my glass and drained it quickly, my eyes never leaving his.

He nodded his head in my direction before turning and doing the same to his own glass. The table fell into a comfortable silence after my father had given grace and we dug into our meals, talking quietly to each other and asking for something to be passed. I moved the food around on my plate, watching it more than eating it, as everyone else around me laughed and joked. I felt hopeless, and I felt helpless, and I felt alone.


	5. You'll Visit Me In My Sleep

_**Haley, I love you. I really really do. You are like the Brad to my Angelina, the Michael to my Kristen...the Camilla to my Rob and/or Joe Jonas. Either way, this story wouldn't be here without ya. Remember that chica.  
Katie: I love you and your debilitating unsmartness. mmkay?  
Wifey, I forget your name (kidding) I can not wait until we get our condo/loveshack with kitty cats and red shag carpeting. **_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **_

* * *

**_If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong and  
That last kiss  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes  
It harder  
I wish I could remember  
But I keep  
Your memory  
You'll visit me in my sleep  
-Pink_**

**Alice**

**December 25****th**

The presents were underneath the tree. Wrapped to perfection, their bows glistening from their waxy finish by the dim illumination of the Christmas tree lights. It had taken me forever to shop. Well, actually, it had taken me forever to _go_ shopping. Once I was there it had been easy to pick out what everyone might have wanted. I was in my element when I was there. When the only things around me were the indistinct babble of voices from the shoppers around me and the clicking sound of shoes against the tiled floor of the familiar mall. It was easy then, when my mind was busy trying to calculate how much money I had left in my bank account or how much use my mother would get out of a new electric mixer, to forget that it had been four weeks since Jack had been the star of my dreams. Twenty-eight long, excruciating, painful nights when all I wanted was to feel his arms around me and yet I couldn't. I called to him, I begged him to come, and yet he wouldn't.

I desperately clung to the memories I had of him, and yet they were all slipping away. Like water through my cupped hands. No matter how hard I tried to hold on to them, they found a way to escape through the cracks. I was having a hard time remembering things about him that used to be ingrained into my brain. And that terrified me. It wasn't until a few days ago, when I was busy scrubbing the counter tops in my kitchen when I thought of how he used to come home after work, fling the front door open and sing out the chorus to any song that came to mind. More often than not it was Johnny Cash. As I was standing there, my mind drifting back to happier times, I tried to recall his voice. That simple little thing. The way his deep bass could bring tears to my eyes with just a few words, the way his native Texan twang shone through so clearly when he was being melodic. And then it struck me. I couldn't remember it. I couldn't hear his voice like I had been able to only days before. I couldn't remember the way it sounded at all. I had then abandoned my cleaning and went on a quest to find it. To find him.

"Al?" I nearly fell off the couch as Bella poked her head into the living room. "What are you doing in here in the dark?"

"Nothing." I said, though it was only half true it was the best answer to appease her. Really, she'd become too nosey for her own good and I missed my shy, self-conscious best friend.

"Well everyone's probably already there, waiting. Don't you want to get ready?" She asked as she walked in and flipped on the light switch. I cringed as the harsh glow hurt my unadjusted eyes and covered them quickly.

"I am ready."

"No you aren't." She sighed as she reached down to pull the throw blanket off of me. Of course, I was in my sweats still. She knew that. I hardly ever left my sweats anymore. "We have a lot to do today, get up and get ready."

I raised an eyebrow and she rolled her eyes, pulling her cell phone out of her back pocket and giving me a pointed look.

"What are you going to do? Call my mommy again?" I scoffed as I turned my attention back to the gifts under the tree.

"Nope." She chuckled dryly as she pushed a button on her phone and held it up for me to see. The number '2' was big on the screen and that only meant one thing.

"Don't call Emmett." I groaned as I heaved myself up off the couch. "I'm going."

"Good."

I mumbled all the way down the hallway and to my room, mostly I didn't even know what I was saying, but I could just see Bella's smug smile in my head.

Eight changes of outfits later and I was ready to go. I had finally settled on a pair of dark gray, destroyed skinny jeans and a plain white fitted t-shirt with my teal cable cardigan sweater on over that. Bella was waiting in the living room, holding my black wool pea coat out to me.

"Thanks mom." I said sarcastically as she opened the door for me smiling.

"Someone has to help you or you'd never get out." She mumbled under her breath and I pretended not to hear her as I walked out and jumped in her red Ford pick-up truck.

I didn't ask where we were going as she drove down the snow-covered streets. She was biting the corner of her lip as she stared intently ahead at the road before us. The radio was creating background noise, playing some Christmas carol or another, but I wasn't really listening and I knew Bella wasn't either. That was her 'thinking face.' The face she got when she didn't know just how to say what was on her mind. I'd seen it many times before on her, I'd know it anywhere.

"So what's up?" I finally asked and Bella's head swiveled so quickly I was scared she had given herself whiplash.

"Nothing's up. Why would anything be up?" She asked, though her big brown doe eyes got even wider. If that were possible. Something was definitely up.

"No reason." I sighed and turned to look ahead of us once again.

The rest of the ride was quiet until finally we stopped and I realized too late where we were.

"No." I said, shaking my head fiercely.

"Alice…everyone's waiting already."

"So." I snapped.

"This is a tradition." Bella sighed as she pointed to the sign for the Oak Tree Cinemas that we were now parked in front of.

Emmett's jeep was next to us, and a shiny silver Volvo was beside that. Other than us there were a total of three other cars here. Bella was right. This was a tradition, but not mine. Not anymore. I clenched my jaw and bit down on my tongue until I could taste the blood. I couldn't do this, not now. Probably not ever and how anyone could expect me to, I didn't know.

"Fine. You don't have to go in." Bella said as she picked up her purse and slid from the driver's seat and out into the cold December air, making her way to the front doors to purchase her ticket for whichever movie Emmett had picked. It was his turn this year anyway.

"Fuck." I screamed as I slammed my hand down on the dashboard. I knew it was no use. I would only end up hurting myself, the truck would be fine, but it felt like I had to do something. I had to stop myself from feeling.

I swiped my hand at my cheeks as I felt the hot tears running down them. Bella had long disappeared through the front doors. The front doors I didn't want to look at anymore. So I did what any self-respecting twenty-three year old would do…I got out of the truck and started walking.

Of course, it was freezing and I had forgotten to factor that in when I decided to trek back to my house and curl up under a blanket and lose myself in a big mug of hot cocoa. "It's better than staying there," I told myself as I rubbed my hands together and blew on them to keep my fingers from developing hypothermia. I repeated the same thing over and over again as I slowly made my way up the street that lead to the theater, trying at the same time, to keep my various appendages warm and free from harm. I was working so hard on keeping all my fingers and toes that I didn't even notice a car pull up behind me and stop until the horn sounded and I nearly wet myself. I turned to glare only to be met by the bright blue eyes of none other than Jasper Hale.

"Yes?" I asked shortly.

"Get in." He replied just as shortly.

"No."

I didn't really wait as I started walking again, though this time I could hear him throw the car in drive and start creeping along beside me, his passenger side window even with me as I started intently forward and pretended that I didn't notice him following me like a creeper.

"Alice, get in the car." He growled and I ignored him once again and kept walking. "Now."

I stopped at that and spun around on my heel, trying to make my face look as menacing as possible. Usually it wasn't hard but for some reason I couldn't make my face contort the way I wanted it to when I looked at him. Though it probably had something to do with the way my nose was running, eyes were watering, and my teeth were chattering as I tried really, really hard not to break down and jump in his nice warm car. I didn't want to be pitied. I didn't want to be carried home after a long day. I wanted to get through this by myself. I didn't want to be saved.

"Or what?" I yelled loudly. "I don't want to get in your car Jasper. I don't know you. I don't want to…" I stomped my foot on the ground. Was it childish? Yes. Would it get my point across? Probably. Did it make me slip on the icy sidewalk and land flat on my ass? Definitely. "Fuck."

"Are you okay?" Jasper was hovering over me before I could even sit up.

"Just fine." I replied dryly as I tried to stand up and slipped again, falling with an "oomph."

"Here." He held his hand out to me and I glared at it for a short while without making a move to accept the offer.

He smirked and shook his head, pulling his arm back and looking up at the sky before finally staring back down at me. This time he didn't hold his hand out to help me up as he just reached down and lifted me up like a mother would her little child. He lifted me into his car effortlessly and shut the door behind me in one swift motion before appearing on his side and sliding into the driver's seat. I crossed my arms over my chest as he pulled off, staring out the passenger window, refusing to acknowledge the fact that I was now in a nice warm, toasty, comfortable car whereas before I had been praying the tips of my fingers didn't turn black and that I didn't freeze to death with every step. I was pouting, and I knew that, but I didn't care.

"You could say thank you, you know." Jasper finally sighed, breaking the tense silence.

"Why? So you can ignore me again like you did at Thanksgiving?" I snapped and though I didn't really want to, I chanced a glance in his direction.

For a second, it looked like his face fell. Like who he was, was suddenly out on the table before me and I could see so much there. But only for a second. He blinked hard and his eyes stayed closed a little longer than necessary, though the car never moved more than a centimeter from where it was. When his eyes opened again his face was composed and he turned his serious gaze upon me.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted when I last saw you. It was…reprehensible to say the least." He said quietly, before turning his eyes back on the road.

I sat in a slightly stunned silence as he stopped at a red light and turned his left blinker on. I wished I could roll my eyes and mutter something about his apology under my breath. But I couldn't. Not when it had been so…sincere. Not when I could tell he really meant it. Damn. So I went with the next best thing.

"So, were you following me then?"

"Excuse me?"

"Were you following me? How did you find me walking home?"

The light turned green and he turned onto the next street before running his long slender fingers through his honey blonde hair with a sigh.

"I was actually debating on whether or not to gate crash your party when I saw you storm out of Bella's truck and start your little trek." He turned his gaze on me again and this time it seemed almost…apologetic? "I thought you would appreciate a ride home by the way you were shivering."

I nodded my head curtly and chewed on the corner of my lip as I tried to figure out what it was about his explanation that bothered me so much. And then it hit me. "Gate crash?"

"Yeah, you know…ruin your party. Show up unannounced."

"You wouldn't have ruined it." I mumbled and a new feeling made an appearance. Was it guilt?

"Well I wasn't exactly invited…unless you count my bossy twin sister demanding that I show up."

I chuckled quietly as we pulled up in front of my house and he stopped his car. "Would you…uh…would you like to come in for a cup of hot cocoa?" I asked and my stomach twisted a little bit as I anticipated his answer.

His blue eyes met mine and he seemed to be searching for something as he stared at me. Like he was unsure of just what I was asking of him.

"Sure." He finally said as he turned off his key and I smiled, sliding out of the seat and heading up the walkway to my front door.

Once I had it unlocked, I walked in, ignoring the way my walls and the mantelpiece looked so incredibly empty without the pictures of Jack that had once been there. I had convinced myself that I didn't need them. That I could easily remember him without the aid of some piece of paper. A decision I was now regretting every time I walked into this house. Every time I realized just how much I was losing.

I heard the door shut behind me and I walked into the kitchen, pulling out the ingredients I would need for two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. I could feel Jasper's eyes boring into my back as I worked in front of the stove, mixing the cream and the cocoa in the pot I had placed there. I smiled to myself as I remembered that Jack had always hated it when I made the cocoa like this. He didn't have the patience to wait and he said he preferred the packaged kind. I shook my head of the thought and continued to mix and pour until the two mugs I had pulled out – plain white ones that held no reminder of who should be here drinking hot chocolate with me– were filled and on the table.

"Thank you." Jasper said quietly as he picked up his mug and took a tentative sip.

I nodded in reply and pulled my legs up under me on the chair, wrapping my hands around the warm glass and blowing softly at the steam rising from it. We both continued to drink our beverages in silence, though it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. And as much as I hated to admit it, it was nice to be able to sit and not talk about how I was getting along or how I was feeling. Jasper didn't treat me like a suicide risk, he treated me like a person.

"Merry Christmas, by the way." For the second time that day I almost fell out of my chair as Jasper's voice brought me out of my thoughts. It wasn't so much that he had spoken but the shock of hearing the way his words twisted and pulled into a clear twang as he forced those two simple words out.

"Where are you from?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. Though I didn't really care how the question was perceived.

"Texas." He answered and his brow furrowed as he looked at me. "Rose didn't tell you?"

"No." I said simply, shaking my head as I stared down at the mug in my hands and tried to stop my hands from shaking.

"Hmm…" Was all he said and I looked up to find him swirling the contents of his cup around as he looked anywhere but at me. "Well, thanks for the hot chocolate."

I watched as he stood up and I tried to smile but knew it probably looked more like a grimace and I gave up quickly.

"You're welcome." I followed him to the door as he pulled on his wool coat and buttoned it up. "And thank you…for the ride." I added quietly.

I heard him chuckle faintly as he opened the door and walked out into the bitter December air. I watched from the safety of my doorway until he was in his car and halfway down the street before pulling my cell phone from the depths of my purse and dialing Bella's number. I knew she was in a movie still but I didn't really care. Besides, she owed me an explanation and I was going to get it.

"Alice?" Bella hissed when she answered the phone. "I'm in a movie."

"I know that." I stated. "Why didn't you tell me Jasper and Rose were from Texas?"

"Why does it matter?" She asked quietly and I could hear her getting up and walking as the sound of the movie in the background faded.

"You damn well know why it matters." I yelled into the phone and I could picture her holding her cell and arms length away, cringing.

"Alice…I…" She sighed heavily. "I didn't want to upset you. They're not from the same town..."

"Fine. Talk to you later." I snapped, hanging up the phone and going to put on my sweats again.

* * *

_**A/N: I got a new computer on Black Friday (yay!) so I should be updating more often if my schedule allows! Just remember, the more you review, the more motivated I become. Get it? Reviews are love. And also, sneak peeks.  
besos. **_


	6. Love And Pain Go Hand In Hand

_**A/N: I'm trying to make this story go in a natural pace and I hope everyone understands that. It will start to pick up more, I promise. Just give it time. In other news, I'm having a sort of contest and if you're reading this story or any of my others you might want to read the author's note at the bottom. Thanks again to irritablegrizzlylover. She fixes my poor use of grammar and tells me when I need to use a semicolon. And without her, I don't know if this story would even keep going. and of course my Katiebug, you are an excellent reader. Em, you make my heart super happy!  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but an unhealthy obsession of the Cullen men and a love of bringing people to tears.  


* * *

**_

**_And I'm sorry to whichever man should meet my sorry state,  
Watch my steady, lonesome gait and be aware,  
I will never love a man 'cause love and pain go hand in hand,  
And I can't do it,  
Again.  
-Laura Marling_**

**Alice**

**December 31st**

If I could have, I probably would have stayed at home underneath the covers for this one. It wasn't like I didn't want to be here. Actually, quite the opposite, I felt like being here. I felt like I was ready. Like I needed to be here. It was the first time I had actually been excited about getting dressed up, playing Barbie with Bella, and hanging out with my friends. But it was also really hard for me to be here, waiting on Emmett to show up as Bella and Edward whispered and laughed in the corner. They were trying to keep me in the conversation. They were trying to play the good friends, and it wasn't all their fault that they got so caught up in each other that they forgot about me every so often. I didn't blame them. I was a fifth wheel, and I was slowly getting used to it.

When the invitation to Angela and Ben Cheney's New Years Eve party had arrived at my house four days ago, I had debated with myself for hours over whether I really wanted to go or not. I loved Angela dearly but I hadn't seen her since the memorial service and I was scared that I had lost her with my reclusive behavior. She wouldn't be the only one. In the end however, I had decided to go and at least act like I was having a good time. And for whatever reason, I wanted to be here. It was the first time I could say that in a long time.

So I had made Bella show up to my house bright and early this morning while I poked and prodded and fluffed her to near perfection and she whined about hating the way I played dress up with her. Though from the way she kept biting her lip to hide a smile I could tell she was enjoying it. And I had to admit it, I had been enjoying myself as well. Right up until we pulled up in front of Ang and Ben's house and saw just how many people were here. On top of that, most of them were couples.

"Hey Al?" I turned my head to see Bella smiling at me, Edward walking off towards the kitchen, probably for more drinks.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

I sighed heavily and resisted the urge to roll my eyes. For whatever reason Bella had taken to asking me this question every ten or fifteen minutes and though she probably had good reason with the way I was feeling right now, it was starting to get slightly irritating.

"Fine." I said through clenched teeth as I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest, looking anywhere but at my best friend.

"Are you…"

"Yes, I'm sure." I snapped and I saw her open her mouth to say something when a booming voice cut her off.

"The fun has arrived." Emmett sang out as he dramatically threw open the door and held his arms out. Once he had everyone's attention he chuckled and stepped into the room, Rosalie trailing after him. How she put up with him, I would never know. But I was glad she did.

"Hey guys!" Rose called as she made her way over to us, leaving Emmett behind as he tried to scope out the room for any fun and/or loud activities.

"Hi Rose." Bella waved and I nodded my head as I drained the last of my daiquiri and sat the glass down on the table brokenheartedly.

The two girls beside me started chattering instantly about who knows what and I saw Angela making her way over to us, smiling as she tried not to bring too much attention to herself and avoid spilling the contents of her cup.

"Hey Ang!" Bella said once she got close enough. "Rose, this is Angela. One of our best friends. Angela, this is Rosalie; the girl of Emmett's dreams."

All three of them laughed as I forced a smile and tried to ignore the way my stomach was twisting up in knots. I had wanted to be here, so why did I now feel like slinking back home and crawling into bed. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn't ready for this. The clock in the hallway chimed ten o'clock and the party kicked into full swing as yet another round of guests arrived and more people started raiding the kitchen for whatever cocktails they could find. Edward had managed, yet again, to drag Bella out on to the dance floor and Rose and Angela had gotten lost in their own conversation as Emmett tried to be the life of the party. I, on the other hand, was trying hard not to watch the minutes on the clock drag by ever so slowly.

"Hey Ro." I was so caught up in my clock gazing that I hadn't noticed it when a fourth party joined our little pow-wow until that familiar voice pulled me out of my trance.

"Hey Jay." I turned to see Rose kiss Jasper lightly before handing him a drink and turning to continue whatever it was that she and Angela were talking about. He was sitting right beside me but didn't acknowledge me as he watched the dancers and partygoers while sipping on whatever was in the glass his twin had shoved at him.

After a few seconds of pointless staring I turned my attention back to the clock on the wall, narrowing my eyes and trying fruitlessly to somehow develop super powers that would make it move faster. Or better yet, take me back in time.

"Hello Alice." He said quietly and I turned to see his blue eyes watching me intently, as though I were about to reveal the secret of life or the eleven herbs and spices in the secret KFC recipe.

"Hi." I muttered back lamely and I forced my eyes away from his, trying to focus back on the clock on the wall.

"It won't make it go any faster. Trust me." He mumbled and I sighed, knowing he was right and that I could at least try to make polite conversation with him. It didn't matter where he was from. Bella was right, it was trivial and pointless and something they couldn't help.

"I'm trying to prove that theory about time flying when you're having fun." I tried to joke and I thought I saw his lips twitch as he took another drink and then set his glass down on the coffee table in front of us.

"Any luck?"

"Nope."

"Damn."

I chuckled once but before I could think of anything clever or witty to say back to him the lights came on in the house and the big screen television in the corner closest to Rose and Angela came on; Times Square already alight with people eager to ring in the new year. It shocked me as I saw the countdown in the bottom of the screen with less than twenty minutes to go. Ben had enlisted Edward and Emmett's help as they moved around the room handing out flutes of champagne and those little party favors that make noise when you blow them.

Emmett thrust our glasses toward us as he picked up the last one from his tray and squished himself down in between the arm of the couch and his girlfriend, slinging an arm around her shoulder and watching the screen with rapt attention.

"Hey, Angela, you don't have a glass of champagne." Rosalie noted as the timer got lower and lower and the room's attention turned toward the television. "Want me to grab one for you?"

"Um…no. That's alright." Ang stuttered as she picked up her almost empty glass from the table in front of her. "I have some here."

"But it's not the same without champagne." Rose insisted with a smile and a delicate laugh.

"Yeah Angela. You want to ruin New Years Eve?" Emmett bellowed as he pushed his glass towards her. "Take mine. I insist."

"No guys. Really." Angela looked on the verge of tears as she glanced over to me and then down at the glass in her lap.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably beside me and ran his hand through his hair. It seemed that almost every set of eyes was on our corner of the room now as Emmett tried to coerce Angela into drinking the champagne and Angela resisted.

"Emmett. No." She finally said forcefully.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm pregnant okay! And I already had my glass of wine for the day!" I heard a collective gasp from around me and I saw Emmett's eyes fly to me as soon as the words had left her mouth.

It felt like I had been punched in the stomach and suddenly all the hors d'oeuvres I had eaten weren't sitting right in my gut and I could feel the alcohol trying to make an appearance. I quickly jumped up and pushed my way through the crowd, as I tried to reach the front door.

"Alice." Bella said as she grabbed my arm and tried to stop me.

"Not now Bella." I snapped and I yanked my arm free from her grip as I stumbled the last few steps and landed on the porch.

I breathed in and out deeply as I tried to keep myself from throwing up and crying at the same time. I heard the chatter pick up inside again and the sounds of congratulations filled the air. I couldn't help the sob that escaped my throat as I lifted myself up and stumbled away from the open windows and out onto the front lawn. I just needed to get away. I was wrong, dead wrong, I couldn't handle this.

I heard the door open behind me, then shut again and soft footsteps on the wood of the porch as I collapsed on my knees on the soft grass and wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to keep myself together. "I said not now Bella." I said adamantly, hoping she'd get the hint and just go.

"I'm not Bella." I turned my head quickly to see Jasper standing on the first step of the porch, his hands in his jeans pocket as he looked up at the sky. I turned my head down to look at the grass again. Trying to gather up the courage to tell him to 'fuck off'. To leave me alone. To do whatever the hell he wanted to do and just leave me be.

"I just…I need to be alone right now."

"I'm not here to bother you." I heard him whisper and I turned my head again to look at him.

It was then I noticed his posture. It wasn't like it had been the last times I had seen him. His shoulders were hunched and he looked so…helpless. It almost made me laugh to think of him like that. But then I saw his face. His normally pale skin was even more wan than usual in the pale moonlight shining in the crisp night sky. He looked sad. Broken almost. And suddenly, I didn't want to be alone anymore.

"She didn't even want kids." I blurted out and I felt the tears fall down my face again. "Her or Bella."

I heard his footsteps on the grass and I looked up from the place I had been staring to see him standing close to me. He bent down so that his elbows were resting on his knees as his hand came up to wipe the tears away from my cheeks. It was the first time I had let anyone touch me without instigating it first. The first time I hadn't jerked away from human contact. And yet, it was over before it started. He wiped away a tear and then stood up, holding his hand out for me. This time I didn't glare as I took it and let him lift me gently to my feet.

The ruckus from the house broke through the silence of the still night air and I heard them shouting down from ten as they welcomed in the new year. I felt like retching again as I remembered another tradition. One that wasn't just for Jack and I, and yet another one I wouldn't be having this year.

"5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!" The crowd chorused and Auld Lang Syne rang out through the windows.

"Alice…" I didn't have time to react as Jasper's lips touched mine softly and before I knew what was happening my lips were molding to his, working fervently to keep up with his movements and the way the soft skin on his full lips was caressing mine.

Shit.

I pulled away quickly and his eyes widened slightly as he took a step back. I growled as I reached my hand up and slapped him as hard as I could before marching past him into the house, ignoring the way my hand was stinging and the way my lips were tingling and burning.

"Alice…what happened…"

I cut Bella off as I grabbed my coat out of the closet and started slipping it on. "I want to go home. Now."

"Alright…well…"

"I'll take her." Edward offered quietly and I nodded in thanks as I grabbed my purse and marched out the front door.

"Are you alright Alice?" Edward asked once we were out of earshot and almost to his car. Jasper was nowhere in sight and though my brain was ecstatic, my stomach did a little flip and I was almost…guilty.

"Perfectly fine." I said curtly as I slid into the passenger seat and buckled up, letting him know the conversation was over. He seemed to understand my unspoken message as he started the car up, backed out of his parking spot smoothly and started driving down the road toward my house without another word.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

"Honey, I'm home!" I cringed as I heard the front door slam open and Emmett's booming voice announce his arrival.

Why I had ever given him a key, I didn't know, but I was sorely regretting that decision now as I cowered in my bed with the covers pulled up over my head. Maybe if I didn't answer, they'd leave me alone. Maybe they'd think I had gone home to visit like I used to or better yet, like I'd dropped everything to go to some of the new year sales at the mall.

"Mary Alice Cullen!" Emmett boomed again and I could have sworn I felt the bed shake with the force even though he was three rooms away.

"What?" I muttered pulling the pillow tighter to my head as I heard the thundering footsteps coming closer and I could tell he wasn't alone.

"Alice in Wonderland…" Emmett sang. "Come out, come out wherever you are."

"Emmett…"

"Yes Bella?"

"Shut up."

The door opened then and I pulled the covers down from my head to glare at my best friends. "What?" I snapped.

"We came to check on you…" Bella said tentatively.

"Yeah, make sure you hadn't od'd on twinkies or mountain dew or whatever." Emmett chuckled.

"Well thanks for that. You could have warned me when we went over there."

"We really didn't know." Both of them said at the same time, their eyes sincere as they waited for me to do something. Scream, yell, throw a lamp at their heads. I didn't have the energy for any of it. So instead I laid back down and rolled over, pulling the covers around me as I stared at the closet doors, trying to gather up the courage to open them. Maybe pull out one of Jack's t-shirts and slip it on.

"Alice, I know that it's probably hard on you right now…" Bella started softly, interrupting my internal pep talk as she came closer to me, "but Angela is one of your best friends. I really think you should call her. She was so worried about you last night and…"

"And what?" I yelled, sitting up in my bed. "She felt compelled to follow me to make sure I was okay. To call me? To come by? Bella, I haven't seen her since his memorial service. If she really was one of my best friends where was she?"

"She has a life Alice."

"Obviously."

"Look, just because she can't permanently attend the 'Alice Cullen pity party' doesn't mean she doesn't care. Other people have things to do you know. We have lives, we have jobs…we can't drop everything just to help you mope." Bella matched my tone as she stood in front of me, her hands on her tiny hips as she seethed. I couldn't remember a time my friend had ever been this pissed off.

"I don't expect you to." I snapped, her anger fueling my own. "I never asked you to help me Bella."

"And yet I did. Jack was like a brother to me Alice. And I helped you erase him from your life. And here I am dragging your sorry ass out of bed…"

"Bella." Emmett, who had been standing quietly by the door took a step forward toward his baby sister, his face weary as he looked between the two of us.

"No Em! I'm sick of this."

"And you don't think I am?" I yelled, cutting Bella off mid-rant as I jumped out of bed. "I lost my husband Bella. The love of my life. I don't expect you to understand that though."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that you and Jacob didn't mean shit to each other. You were getting married for the wedding, not the person."

"Oh, and your marriage was so great?"

"Bells…" Emmett warned again, but neither of us paid any attention to him as we both grew more livid with each other by the second.

"Yes, it was. I actually loved Jack and not just the idea of a husband."

"I'm sure he loved you Alice. You married after you knew him how long? And God Alice, you were only a kid."

"It was meant to be."

"You didn't even give it a chance to know if it was. Of course we all loved him but you hardly ever saw him."

"He was working!" I argued back, though my heart was pounding a tattoo onto my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"And you guys fought non-stop when he was home. I swear I lost track of what you guys were fighting about every hour or so."

"Shut up." Bella and I both jumped as Emmett bellowed. "God, I love you both so much. You're both my sisters and I can't stand this. Alice, He was my brother, matching DNA or not, and you guys were young and stupid when you got married yes, but you loved each other. But I can't handle this. I can't stand watching you waste away because you lost him. It's killing me. And we need you. We need Alice back." His lower lip trembled and Bella's cheeks were streaked with tears as they both looked at me expectantly.

As I looked at them, I wanted to pull them into my arms and tell them I was here, that I had never left. I wanted nothing more than to be the person I should be. But I couldn't. "I don't know who that is anymore." I whispered.

It was the truth. For so long my life had been about Jack. Everything had revolved around him. I was the army wife who waited for her husband's sparse calls. I was the girl who spent hours making herself look amazing in nothing but lingerie just to have it ripped off the night of her loves return. I cleaned and I tried to cook for my husband. He was all I had and now that I didn't have him anymore, I didn't know who I was.

* * *

**_A/N: Before I tell you the usual, review for a sneak peek..yada yada stuff I always do, I thought I'd let you guys in on a little challenge I'm having. If you are old enough to read it; Jandco and withthevampsofcourse are having a culleny christmas contest. Filled with lemons galore. I love it. Anyway, one of my dearest readers Jamie (mischeif_maker1, go check her out) wrote an amazing story with her partner in crime and ever since I have been yearning for a picture of Emmett in a Santa suit.  
So... to the first person that can make and/or find me a picture of Kellan Lutz in a Santa suit, I will reward them with the next unposted chapter of whichever story they may choose. So of course, review for a sneak peek and then get your photoshop on cause I want that picture!  
besos!_**


	7. Nothing But Your TShirt On

_**A/N: Posted early for Not Done Baking.  
Thanks so much to Haley, whom I will soon be committing some sort of felony with...in designer duds. Jamie, who provides me with endless laughs and a love of all things Kellmett, and of course Emily...because well... whether she knows it or not, she keeps me inspired! (and our story rawks!)  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but half of the NWBS-club and of course an unhealthy obsession with all things Cullen Men.**_

* * *

_**Nothing feels right when I'm not with you  
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos  
Taking them off, cause I feel a fool  
Trying to dress up, when I'm missing you  
I'ma step out of this lingerie  
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes  
In bed I lay, with nothing but, your T-Shirt on  
Oh, with nothing but, your T-Shirt on  
-Shontelle**_

**Alice POV**

**January 14th**

"That will be eight thirty-six please." I said to the woman in the tweed suit as I set her three coffees down in front of her.

She handed me her credit card with a bored expression and I ran it through the machine and printed out her receipt, handing it and a pen to her and waiting for her to sign as a line began to form behind her. It was my first time manning the register by myself and to say I was nervous was slightly understated. I was terrified.

"Thank you, have a nice day." I spouted off the required and memorized lines as she stalked off with her drink carrier. Probably off to some law office where she would slave away until five o'clock and then go home to feed her five cats. At least, that's what I liked to think.

It was easier to pass the days like that, making up stories for the people I was serving. Knowing that the grass wasn't always greener on the other side made my days all the more bearable. The next customer was a recovering alcoholic, and the one after that had a husband who cheated on her while she cared for the two sleeping kids in the double stroller. I was so lost in my imaginings that I began to get swamped in the cash register and I had to look down quickly to organize the drawer when I had a lull in the line. If my boss saw it like this there was no way she would let me work it again.

"Alice?" I froze with a few fives in my hand as that voice permeated my thoughts. The one I wanted to loathe so much; the one that I had tried to push out of my head as I fought to keep hold of Jack. The one that was haunting my dreams now and for whatever reason, refused to stop.

I looked up slowly and sure enough those bright blue eyes were staring me down. "Hi Jasper." I mumbled as I took out a sheet of paper to write down his order on it. "How may I help you?"

"I didn't know you worked here." He ran a hand over the back of his neck as he looked at me and I fought the urge to cross my arms over my chest and refuse to take his order.

"Just started." I stated and tapped the tip of my pen on the paper. "Can I help you?"

"I'll take a roasted espresso please." He sighed as I wrote it down on the paper and slipped it back on the line before turning back to ring up his total and wait for his beverage. "Look, Alice..."

"That will be three twelve please." I cut him off, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading and not particularly feeling like going there at the moment.

"I'm sorry." He snapped anyway, ignoring my look of annoyance and refusing to budge from his place in front of me or hand over the money. "I'm really, really sorry."

"Are you?"

"Terribly."

"Why did you do it?"

"I don't know."

I rolled my eyes and moved out of the way as Travis set the coffee down on the counter beside me and elbowed me out of the way before he started taking the order of the disgruntled customer behind Jasper.

"Travis..."

"Honey, go talk to him." Travis smiled as he wrote down the order like a pro and rang it up quicker than I could have dreamt of doing it. I had only worked with him for a week, but if I knew one thing about him it was once he decided something there was no swaying him.

"Fine." I sighed. I nodded my head towards the back of the counter where I slipped off my apron and went to sit at a table in the corner.

"So when did you start here?" Jasper asked as he slid into the seat opposite me and set his messenger bag down on the floor while his coffee sat in front of him, untouched.

"A week ago." I mumbled and I tried to look anywhere but at the man in front of me.

"So has it always been your dream to be a barista?" He said and though I knew he was only teasing, I couldn't hold back the feelings that were creeping up on me.

"It has been since I started going into debt." I snapped and before I could stop myself I looked across the table.

His mouth had been up in a half smirk and his blue eyes were slightly playful, though still guarded, but as soon as the words had left my mouth he changed back.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing." I sighed.

"What do you want me to say?" He hissed as he leaned slightly forward in his chair.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "Look can we just…can we just forget it ever happened?"

Jasper's eyes seemed to be burning into me as we engaged in a stare down there in the coffee house. I wanted him to say yes. I wanted him to get up and walk away and never speak to me again. But at the same time, I wanted someone to talk to who hadn't known Jack; someone who didn't know that every time one of my friends hit another milestone in their lives, a little part of me died.

"Okay." He finally said as he nodded his head. He picked up his bag and slung the strap over his head, sliding his chair back and standing up.

"Have you always wanted to be a paper boy?" I nodded toward his bag and he took a sip of his coffee as he started walking towards the door.

"No, but I've always wanted to be a doctor."

And with that he left. I sighed as I picked up my apron again and tightened the strings around my waist, heading back behind the counter to continue taking the orders and hopefully make enough tips to cover at least one of my bills this month without having to dip into my savings anymore.

XxxxxX

"We're gonna be late…" Emmett grumbled from his seat behind Bella. She rolled her eyes and turned the music up louder, ignoring his complaints and acting as though he weren't even in the car.

It was Rosalie's birthday party and somehow, though I had only met Rose three times, I was expected to attend. I looked down to the outfit that Bella had picked out for me. I had to admit, the years of forcing her to dress up had obviously taken some kind of toll on her. I was wrapped in a fire-engine red cocktail dress that was made specifically for me, and my feet were encased in my favorite pair of Jimmy Choo's. I was thoroughly impressed that Bells had managed to pick something like this out. I was also thoroughly pissed that both Emmett and Bella had managed to show up at my house without any warning and force me into the bathroom, the clothes, the car…

I sighed as I rested my head against the cool glass and watched the world fly by. Bella was signing along quietly to the radio while Em continued to mutter in the backseat about girls and their tardiness. It was a complete one-eighty from how we would have been acting this time last year. I would have been the one singing quietly as we drove along; while Bella moped about having to endure the pain of beauty and Emmett would have been…well Emmett would have been Emmett.

"What are you thinking about?" I turned my head to see Bella glancing at me from her periphery.

"The same thing I usually think about." I muttered and I turned to stare out the window again, ignoring the way my friends all seemed to think I was going to jump out of a moving vehicle, slash my wrists or throw myself off of a window ledge at any moment.

I knew they were just looking out for me, but sometimes I just wish they wouldn't.

"Hey Alice…" Emmett piped up from the backseat and I pulled down my visor and flipped the cover open to stare at him in the mirror without having to turn around.

"Yes?"

"I know that you aren't used to going out without Jack but…can you please just try to have a good time tonight?"

My breath caught in my throat as soon as the words left his mouth. It had been a while since Emmett had even mentioned Jack's name, let alone the fact that he was gone. I nodded my head in agreement and forced a smile onto my face. I could do this. I would do this. I would have fun, I would smile. I would eat, drink, and be merry. I wouldn't think of going home and curling up on the bed with one of the t-shirts I had pulled out of Jack's closet. I wouldn't let myself mope and feel sorry for myself. I was going to go, have fun. Get to know Rose and Edward better, and maybe, just maybe bring back some of the Mary Alice I had lost when my other half disappeared.

"Oh no." I yelled and Bella slammed on the brakes as Emmett burst into laughter from the backseat.

"What?" Bella asked worriedly as I rubbed the spot on my chest where the seatbelt had kept me from flying out of the windshield.

"Ow." I groaned. "I just…I didn't get Rosalie a present."

Emmett's booming laughter filled the car again and Bella sighed as she let her foot down slowly on the gas and started us moving again.

"Don't worry Alice, she knows…"

"No. You guys have been dating for…" I racked my brain, trying to think of exactly when they started dating but gave up when I drew a blank. "For a while now, and you're like my brother so that makes her like my sister-in-law."

I waited for Emmett's usual reaction to this. The one where he rolled his eyes and made gagging sounds like he was choking. When none came I turned to see his head down as he bit on his lip and examined the muscles in his arms.

"Emmett Christopher McCarty!" I yelled "Are you blushing?"

"No." He said quietly but as he turned his head away from me, I could see the rosy pink tint that so often colored his sister's cheeks. I hadn't even known it was possible for him to blush.

Bella laughed as she pulled into an empty parking spot and turned the car off, not even bothering to wait for us as she jumped out of the car, rather ungracefully, and sprinted towards the front of the building. I shook my head and straightened my dress as I opened the door. Before I could get out Edward was by my side, holding his hand out with a smile.

"Hello Alice." He said softly and I let him help me up and out of the passenger seat. "It's lovely to see you."

"You too."

He led me back over to Bella and put his arm around her waist, pulling her in close as we walked into the pub.

The sounds of the party were in full swing as we entered and made our way over the booth where we had sat before, the guys depositing us as they meandered their way over to the bar to grab some drinks.

"Hey you guys!" Rosalie sang as she came over to sit with us, her cheeks were red and her smile was radiant as she slid in beside Bella and hugged her shoulders.

"Happy Birthday!" Bella and I chorused and Rosalie's face didn't hide the surprise she felt as I smiled at her just as widely as she was smiling at us.

"I'm so glad you guys came!" I smiled once before turning my head to the side. I couldn't stand the way she was looking at me.

As though this were the first time I had ever been out in public, or I had just been miraculously saved from a life-threatening illness or something. I wondered just how much Emmett had told her. I sighed quietly as my eyes scanned the crowd, looking for the boys, and then I saw it. The brief glimmer of honey blonde hair that peeked out from beneath a black beanie. He was sitting at a table in the far corner, his drink untouched in front of him as he surveyed the crowd around him.

My breath caught in my throat and I wanted to kick myself. Something was wrong with me. There had to be, because ever since the night at Angela's my mind had been invaded by the man sitting there alone. I hated the fact that when I went to bed at night, the only thing I could think about was the way he smelled. Or the way his lips had felt against mine. I hated that when all I wanted to do was lay in bed curled up under my thick down comforter and think of the man I had loved and lost, I couldn't because he was there. Jasper Hale.

I loathed that my body and mind seemed to want to betray me, and that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't put him out of mind. Most of all I hated that I wanted to abhor him, but I couldn't.

"I'll be right back." I said to no one in particular as I stood up and started walking towards him.

I passed Emmett and Edward as they walked back to the table, but I didn't listen to whatever they were saying to me as I moved as quickly as I could through the pulsating bodies on the dance floor to the one person I needed to see. I was almost there when he looked up. His electric blue eyes caught mine and I saw him stiffen in his chair. I set my jaw as I stared back at him and didn't falter in my steps as I inched closer and closer.

Before I could reach him, however, he stood up and moved in the direction of the front doors, pulling on his coat as he went. I quickened my pace as I followed suit, ignoring the fact that my pea coat was still in the booth beside Bella and a light snow had begun to fall. The snowflakes swirled around me as I wrapped my arms around myself and flew out of the door behind Jasper, trying to catch up.

"Wait." I called out as I watched his dark back getting farther and farther away from me. I half expected him to break out into a sprint at any given moment just to get away from me. "Please wait."

He didn't stop as he reached the end of the corner and disappeared around it. I stopped where I was, already four blocks away from the pub in the middle of winter in a sleeveless, barely there dress. Great, just great.

I resigned myself to walking back to the pub and turned around, sighing as I started the trek back, ignoring the way the snowflakes were attaching themselves to my lashes and how my cheeks were getting wet, ruining my makeup, as the snow melted when it hit my warm skin.

"Here." I squeaked as I felt something come in contact with my shoulders and I jerked around just as Jasper put his coat around me.

My hands had flown up to my throat and I gulped loudly as I tried to remember how to breathe without gasping.

"Sorry." He sighed and used his hand to move his beanie around on his head. "Didn't mean to frighten you."

"S'alright." I breathed and I leaned up against the brick wall of an abandoned building behind me.

The silence around us was heavy as I stared down at my feet, fighting the urge to look up at his face. I was already dreaming about the man, and God knows why I was doing that, I wasn't about to let my eyes wander.

"You should go back inside." He finally broke the stillness with his musical voice.

"Why did you leave?" I asked quietly before I could stop myself or even question why I was asking. He pulled his gaze away from me as he stared down at his feet and the snow that was slowly starting to stick to the sidewalk below us.

"I thought you wanted to forget about what happened." He answered so quietly I almost couldn't hear him over the tenor of the snow falling lightly from the sky.

"I did…I mean…I do. I just…look, I never apologized myself." He looked up then, surprised and I didn't bother to wait for him to ask why as I let myself go. "I'm usually not violent. I mean…obviously I can be. I just wasn't expecting you to kiss me and it shocked me and, well, when I slapped you it wasn't because I didn't like it. I mean, you. It wasn't because I didn't like you. I was just…surprised. But I really am sorry." I took a deep breath as I stopped talking and I realized only afterward that I had said it all in one breath.

He didn't say anything as his eyes roamed over my face, and I shifted slightly uncomfortably under his gaze. Not because he was looking at me, but because I was scared what the next words out of his mouth would be.

"You really have nothing to be sorry for." He finally said and one corner of his mouth turned up into a lazy smile, though I could see in the dim lighting from the street lamp above us, that it didn't reach his eyes.

"I do." I breathed, watching my breath fog the air between us and trying to keep my tears at bay. "I've been a terrible friend. I've been a terrible person. I just get so sick and tired of doing this day in and day out. It's like it never ends."

I had no idea why I was pouring my heart and soul out to this almost stranger, but instead of being embarrassed at my emotional outburst, I felt…relieved. I let my legs give out slowly as I sank down to sit on the cold sidewalk, ignoring the stab of pain that came when my leg connected with the cold cement. I watched as Jasper took a tentative step forward and slid down next to me.

"Ro told me about your husband…" He said once he was situated.

"And you're very sorry for my loss right?" I asked sarcastically.

"Should I not be?"

"Sorry," I sighed. "I've just heard that so much in the past ten months. And most of the time you hear it, you know they aren't. They just don't know what else to say."

"I know." Jasper nodded and his hands came up to his head again, slipping his hat off of his head and running through his messy mane.

I swiped at the few tears that were in my eyes, and wiped away the snowflakes that had caught in my lashes but hadn't melted yet.

"Let's go back inside." Jasper finally said quietly and he unfolded himself and stood gracefully to his feet, holding out his hand to me. I took it gratefully and let him help me up and lead me back to the pub where all of our friends were waiting.

Nothing had changed, I was still the same person I was when I left my house that evening. I was still the same person who had lost her husband and who still wanted nothing more than to lay down in bed and curl up in a ball with something Hanes. But as I looked beside me, to the man who was now without a coat so that I didn't freeze to death, to the man whose hand was hovering over the small of my back, yet not touching it, I knew I wasn't alone anymore.

* * *

_**A/N: Sneak peeks are ready to go, so you know what to do! **_  
_**Besos!**_


	8. The Beauty of His Death Will Carry On

_**A/N: I really have no excuse for not posting this last night when I said I would, other than I worked all day yesterday to take care of six children under the age of four. By. Myself. It was torture in and of itself and I was completely exhausted. So I accidentally on purpose fell asleep at nine with the intention of a nap. And like Lay's...I can never have just one. I am terribly sorry, but I really hope this chapter makes up for it. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, unless you count an unhealthy obsession with all things 'Cullen Men'. **_

* * *

_**He wants to die in a lake in Geneva, the mountains can cover the shape of his nose.  
He wants to die where nobody can see him but the beauty of his death  
will carry on so I don't believe him.  
-Laura Marling**_

**Emmett POV**

**January 31st**

The insistent knocking wouldn't stop and it was beginning to piss me off. I groaned as I rolled my body to the side and buried my face deeper into the pillows.

"Go get the door dumb ass." My beautiful bed-mate pushed against me with her hands as I mumbled incoherently while nestling deeper into the pillows and trying to force myself back into slumber.

Finally, when the rapping on the door reached an almost deafening volume, I gave up and rolled out of bed.

I pulled on my discarded jeans with a growl and thundered through the house to my front door.

"If you're waking me up this early, someone had better be on fire on my God damned lawn." I bellowed as I unlocked the front door and yanked it open.

I almost felt bad for scaring the little chicken shit that stood on my front porch; a mail-boy. But then I remembered that he had just woke me up from an amazing dream involving Rosie, handcuffs, whipped cream, and me. Then I didn't feel so bad.

"Well?" I demanded, leaning up against the doorframe and flexing my muscles on purpose.

"I'm sorry sir…but I'm under strict orders..." He stammered as I glared down at him from a good foot above him. "I just need you to sign."

"I didn't order anything." I protested as he held out the slip of paper and clipboard to me.

He didn't say anything so I finally took it and watched in amusement as he took a good three steps backwards when he thought I wasn't looking.

I signed quickly, scrawling my name on the line, and handed it back to him. He didn't say a word as he dug the package out of his bag and thrust it into my hands before nearly catapulting himself away from me.

I chuckled, closing the door behind me, throwing the smallish, rectangular box on the couch and heading back towards my bedroom.

"Hey there handsome. Aren't you going to open it?" I wheeled around to see Rosalie standing in the kitchen archway, a glass of orange juice in her hand.

Her lean, glorious body was wrapped tightly up in my robe, the front open just enough to lure my eyes to her chest and leave me begging for more.

She laughed at something, as she set her glass down. Her perfect alto tone was enough to make my dick twitch and press tightly against the zipper of my jeans.

I yearned to get her back into bed and maybe make that dream come true. Before I could pick her up and drag her perfect ass back to my California king size however, she ducked under my arm and plopped down on the couch.

She threw her honey blonde hair over one shoulder, letting it ripple down her back like a waterfall and I had a hard time fighting the urge to go caveman and just throwing her over my shoulder. God the things this woman did to me.

Before I could get too lost in my thoughts of being inside of her, she turned back toward me. Her eyes were shining and glistening with tears and her mouth was slightly agape.

"What's wrong baby?" I crossed the room in two seconds flat and sat down beside her, wrapping her up in my thick biceps.

It was then that I noticed the brown package in her hands. Her delicate fingers clutched on to it and she held it out shakily to me.

"It's from Jack." She whispered, her voice broken.

I felt all the air leave my lungs in a short gust and I stared at the untidy scrawl along the top of the neatly wrapped parcel.

It had felt like forever since I had talked about him. My best friend for all intents and purposes. I couldn't tell anyone really about the pain I felt losing him. Bella and he had been close after all, the two of them sharing a common love for Alice. Their best friend. She bonded them.

Alice was in denial. She had become a shell of who she once was. A stranger. And she bore the brunt of her own pain at having lost the one thing she held most dear.

Thus I had been left alone, putting the flames of anguish that licked at my heart aside. Pushing the hurt and tears as far away as I could; protecting Bella and Alice.

That is, until Rose had walked into my life. She talked to me, forced me to open up to her. Let me cry on her shoulder. She became my rock and the only person to know just how deep Jack's death had cut me.

"Em babe, please look at me." I snapped out of my thoughts to see Rose forcing my face toward her, worry shining like a beacon from the depths of her unnaturally blue eyes. "Are you alright?"

"How?" I finally mumbled, turning my head to look down at the package in my hands.

"I don't know." She answered my unspoken question as she rubbed a soothing hand down my cheek.

I leaned into her touch, gathering the strength I needed from it as I started peeling away at the layer of brown paper.

When it was unwrapped, I blinked rapidly, trying to see through the tears that were clouding my sight. I almost stopped then, when the hot, salty tears cascaded down my cheeks and into my mouth. I almost set the package down and demanded that Rose get rid of it. But then I felt her small fingers brushing along my face and taking the tears with them. I heard her sniffle quietly and I knew that no matter what, I wasn't alone.

I pulled the flaps of the box apart and pulled the contents of the box out one by one. To anyone else, it would have been junk. Anyone that knew Jack however, knew what this was.

"His goodbye." I choked out and Rosalie's arms were around me instantly. She murmured words of encouragement softly into my ear as her hands pulled me closer and her soft fingers through my curls.

Finally, when I could see again, I looked at the contents of the box. Setting each item on the coffee table in a straight line, I remembered the value, their worth, their significance.

The black and white strip of photos, where a younger Bella and a very much alive Jack made faces at the camera. It was the day Jacob broke up with Bella, for the first time. Alice and I had been thrilled to say the least. We weren't really used to the hysterical bundle of emotions that was my little sister. But Jack had been. The memory of that day was enough to bring a smile to my lips and I moved on to the next item.

I felt the tears well up again as I fingered the ticket stub in my hand. It was mine. And Jacks. We had spent the entire day scouting for another ticket to the damned baseball game. Finally, we had come up with a foolproof plan, or so we thought.

I had gone in first with the ticket and then passed it to Jack through a space in the fence. It might have worked, if Jack hadn't left something in the car and gone back to get it. Without the ticket. I half sobbed, half laughed and made a mental note to have that memento framed as I moved on to the next and most important item.

It was the one Jack had been most proud of. The stupid little twenty-five cent mood ring. Two months before Jack had left, his wedding ring had gone missing. He scoured every nook and cranny of every vestibule he had ever been to, before finally giving it up for gone. Alice had been pissed. And rightfully so since he had taken it off when he and I had gone out for a boy's night.

That was their longest fight to date. He had even ended up crashing at my place for four days. Until one night Alice had come knocking. Bella had hurt herself, again, and I was at work. Obviously he played the hero and took her to the emergency room as was routine.

While they were waiting he had apologized profusely or as I like to say, 'begged mercilessly' until finally, Alice had let him back into her good graces. On one condition.

So the mood ring was his punishment in a sense. But not to him. No, to him it was a sign of how much he loved his woman. It was a show of just what lengths he would go to for Alice. And because he loved her, he had worn it with pride.

I don't know how long I sat wrapped in Rose's arms. I just know that it was the first time I had actually cried for him. For my best friend. My brother.

And finally, when all my tears had been shed. When the terry cloth of my robe had long been saturated and Rose's shoulder was soaked to the bone, I picked up the last thing.

The envelope was sealed and the untidy scrawl on the front was barely legible, as though he had been in a hurry to write it down. I could barely make it out, but when I did I cursed him with a laugh. **"Emmykins."**

I flipped it over slowly and slid my finger under the flap, breaking it open. Taking a deep breath, I pulled out the piece of paper and held it in front of me with shaky hands. It was a letter.

_**Emmett,**_

_**I know you laughed at the front of this envelope, so don't even pretend that you didn't.**_

_**So if you're reading this that means one thing. I finally went and bit the dust. I guess I could have phrased that better but I figured if anyone would get a kick out of the culinary aspect of that, you would.**_

_**Look brother, I know I shouldn't even be asking this of you, because if I know you as well as I like to think I do, you've bottled up your emotions as it is and haven't cried once for me. You selfish bastard. But I need to know that everything is okay. I need to be able to rest knowing that Ali-Cat is safe and well cared for.**_

_**She can't live her life like she's bound to be doing right now. Living from one day to the next, getting by on forced smiles and half-hearted laughs. I don't want that for her. I want her and Bella and hell, even you, to live life to it's fullest. To love every day you're given. To stop counting the number of breaths you take in life and instead use those breaths to actually live your life.**_

_**I know I have no right to ask this, I left her after all, but please Em, as a friend, as a brother, as a human being, don't let Alice live like that.**_

_**Just remember, I can't tell you where I am or even what I'm doing but what I can tell you, you already know: I love you. All of you. Never forget that. And know that no matter where I am, I am never far away.**_

_**Peace Brah,**_

_**Jack

* * *

****A/N: I love you all. I really, really do. But I also love hearing from you, what do you think? Did you love it? Hate it? Wish I'd stop writing? Let me know in a review and get this... I answer back! So if you have a question, theory, anything else you'd like to discuss let me know! And you'll get answers and a SNEAK PEEK in the same email! How great is that?**_

_**Also, a lovely reader by the name of Laura (yay Laura! She loves me more than Emily does) Made a thread for this story over on on the AU-All Human board. Come check us out. I like to play over there.  
Besos!  
**_


	9. I'm Better Near To You

_**A/N: Longest chapter yet. And I'd like to dedicate it to my lovely girls, Emily (check out or one-shot together 'A Very Cullen Christmas: Secret Santa' it's good), AutumnDreamer (because I love her and her story "Legacy" go check it out too), Laura for starting a thread for me, Jamie (because she's just made of pure awesome). And of course the ever lovely Boobie Chickentush...I mean...Haley. Without her this story wouldn't be here. At all. Love you Boobie. Now. On with the show! This chapter is the longest yet. Enjoy!**_

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing but an unhealthy obsession with the Cullen men...oh and JBone's tongue ring. ung._**

* * *

_**Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you.  
-A Fine Frenzy**_

_**Alice POV**_

_**February 12th**_

"You are coming right?" Bella pleaded from the other side of the phone.

"Yes Bells, I'll be there. I just got a little caught up at work is all." I assured her as I pulled my sweats off and shrugged into the first little black dress I came across.

In truth, I had forgotten all about her demands that I be dressed to perfection and in front of the restaurant by eight o'clock until she called me fifteen minutes ago asking where I was.

"Sure, just... hurry. Please?"

I assured her again before hanging up the phone and rushing around the house, throwing things into my clutch and slipping on at least five different pairs of shoes before I finally settled on the zebra print peep toes I had gotten for Christmas from my mom.

Fifteen minutes later I pulled to a stop in front of the restaurant and handed my keys to the valet before hurriedly slipping inside. I didn't wait for the maître d' to lead me to my table, nodding quickly to him as I made my way to where Bella was waving at me anxiously.

I came to a complete halt when I saw that the table was already full. Angela and Ben sat across from where I stood, looking at me warily as Angela held a hand on top of her already swollen belly. A small, masochistic part of me wondered briefly just how far along she was. And if she knew what it was yet.

I quickly averted my gaze before any of the emotions that were ripping through my subconscious could make their way to the surface. Emmett and Rosalie sat next to the happy, buoyant, expecting couple. Emmett's arm was draped loosely around Rose's shoulder, his free hand wrapped tightly up in Rosalie's their fingers intertwined. Renee and Charlie sat beside them, smiling at they too held hands.

The other side of the table was more friends of mine. Or, people I thought were friends, but I hadn't seen since Jack's memorial service. People who had offered me tepid apologies and hollow rapport. There were some people I didn't know however, a man with dark black hair that could rival the raven of my own and a woman beside him with the same red, coppery sheen of coiffure as Edward's. They had to be his parents.

I took a deep breath as I forced myself to keep walking toward the table. Obviously this was something big or else Bella wouldn't have insisted, no...demanded, that I do this. She wouldn't have badgered me relentlessly to show up for her. And she wouldn't have made me face these people, knowing how I felt about them.

"Hey..." The voice was soft in my ear and I smiled despite the nervous pounding in my chest.

Turning to see Jasper standing there, the maître d' standing beside him checking him out.

"Hi." I replied meekly as I shoved my hands deeper into the pockets of my coat.

"You okay?" I took a deep breath before I looked back up to him, his blue eyes were full of something as he stared down at me. I nodded weakly before glancing back to the table behind me. "Ah yes, the classic couples dinner."

"Yeah...where's your date?"

"I uh...I don't have one." He sighed. "Ready to get this over with?"

"Absolutely." I nodded and he smiled lazily before holding his arm out to me. I smiled in return and grasped on to his elbow, letting him lead me to the table, and ultimately, my untimely doom.

"Hey, we were wondering if you two would ever show." Edward joked when we got closer.

"Yes, well unlike some people I actually like showing up to work." Jasper rebutted shortly, though his tone was teasing enough.

Edward smirked before wrapping his arm tightly around Bella and kissing her temple gently. I looked away and went to pull the chair next to Bella out.

Jasper's hand beat me to it as he pulled it out and gestured for me to sit. I smiled kindly and sat down, pulling my scarf off and settling down into the high back seat.

"So, I'm sure you're all wondering why we asked you here..." Edward started. "You all are our nearest and dearest and we love you more than you can possibly imagine."

A chorus of 'aahh's' resounded around the table and the couple at the head of the table smiled at each other.

"And we invited you here so that we could be the first to tell you that Bella has accepted my proposal... and we hope to be married by this time next year."

It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach or kicked me in the teeth, or hit me with a bus. Or maybe all three at the same time. I was vaguely aware of the rest of the table erupting into cheers and applause but I felt nothing.

"Alice? Alice, are you alright?" I looked up from the napkin I had been intently focused on to see Bella looking at me worriedly.

"No...Bella you've known him for...five months. How can you possibly know this is right?" I hissed and I watched Bella's smile falter for a fraction of a second before she quickly composed herself.

"Oh, this coming from the girl who knew her husband all of three days before she ran away to marry him?"

"That's different." I breathed and I pushed my chair against the carpet, away from the table.

"How Alice? How is it different? Maybe because I love Edward? Because we're in this together and it's not one-sided?"

"You have no idea what the hell you're talking about." I snapped and I heard the other conversations at the table die out, leaving silence in their wake.

"Whatever Alice. You're being a hypocrite."

"And you're being a selfish bitch." I growled before jumping from my seat and taking off.

I didn't bother to wait around for anything or anyone. I grabbed my keys straight from the valet and took off walking through the parking lot without looking back once.

XxxxxX

I ignored the phone ringing as I dried my hair and applied my make-up. I knew who it was without having to listen to the messages on the answering machine or checking the caller id.

Bella had called once in the past two days, and when I hadn't answered the call she hadn't bothered to leave a message. Emmett on the other hand, was a different story. He refused to listen to my arguments about how stupid and reckless Bella was being. He would listen to my rant for as long as he could before finally spouting off some nonsense about "living her life and not wasting it", before he would try and convince me to apologize.

My parents had called to check on me after hearing the news, so out of courtesy I had acted like it was all fine and dandy, though I knew damn well my mom knew better. She was just smart enough not to push it.

The phone rang twenty-two times. A record for Emmett, usually he only called four times before he gave up and went to work.

I finished with my makeup before grabbing my apron out of the dryer and sprinting out through the unyielding Seattle rain and hopping quickly into my car. I was already running late and I didn't want to get another speeding ticket in my haste to make it on time.

Sighing, I turned the key. Nothing happened. I did it again, and again, and again and yet still...nothing happened. No sputtering, no coughing, not even a little tick letting me know that my car still had life. I groaned and let my head bang against the steering wheel. Now I was late _and_ I had to walk.

I briefly contemplated calling in sick but then I remembered the hefty stack of bills that sat on my kitchen counter and I knew that if I didn't go to work, I would be SOL.

I opened the door to get out right as a clap of lightening struck. I screamed as I slammed the door shut and covered my ears as the thunder shook the windows of my car. There was no way I was walking. I pulled my phone out of my purse, scrolling through the numbers I had in there.

Most of them were people I hadn't talked to in ages. People who hadn't known what to say to me or how to look at me after Jack's death. People who knew me through Jack and now felt they had no obligation to talk to me anymore. I stopped on Bella's name, I knew I could call her and apologize and she would be here in a heartbeat. But I couldn't do it.

It hurt to much to think that she was getting married and now I was the single girl who everyone pitied.

Sighing I threw my phone back down and rested my head on my arm as I leaned against the steering wheel listening to the thunderstorm play out around me.

I waited, hoping the storm would pass, but after a good fifteen minutes I realized it would be a lot longer before I would even be able to chance running back into my house to find the phone book and call a cab. Not that I had the money to pay for it anyway.

And then an idea came to me. I picked up my phone and dialed four-one-one, biting my lip as it rang and trying to convince myself not to hang up.

"What city please?" The recorded voice asked and I quickly babbled off 'Seattle' and waited for the operator to pick up.

"Name?"

"uh...Jasper Hale." I said, though it came out as more of a question.

"There's no Jasper Hale ma'am." The operator said after the typing had stopped on her end.

I sighed heavily and went to hang up, but then I remembered something.

"Rosalie Hale." I said, more confidently this time.

"Alright, thank you." The operator responded and I heard the click back over to the computer as the number was rattled off.

I repeated it over and over as I hung up the phone and then dialed in the number I had just procured.

The phone rang, and rang, and rang and I gave up, hanging up the phone when I heard the first couple of greeting lines from an answering machine. Tossing my phone back on the seat beside me I went back to resting my head in my hands and trying to come up with a convincing excuse for my absence from work. Something that wouldn't get me fired.

I jumped when "Bubbly" permeated the silence around me and I grabbed my phone from the seat and hit the call button before I even looked to see who it was.

"Hello?"

"Umm...hi?" I froze at the sound of his voice. It was gravelly and smooth at the same time. "Someone called me by this number."

"Yeah, it's Alice Cullen."

"Oh. Hey Alice. Do you want to talk to Rosalie?"

"No." I snapped a little too quickly. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

There was a brief hesitation, and for a moment I wondered if he had hung up on me. But then I heard footsteps and a door closing lightly before he answered. "Okay, are you alright?"

"Well, actually, I'm kind of stuck at my house. My car won't start and I'm late for work and if I don't get there soon I'm fairly certain I'll get fired and I would have called someone else but..."

"I'll come get you." He said, cutting me off and I heard the slight rustling of fabric on his end of the phone.

"Are you sure because I can always wait until the storm passes and then walk..."

"Alice...just...stay there. I'll be over soon."

"Alright." I laughed once.

"See you soon."

"Yeah... and Jasper?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Thank you."

XxxxxX

It seemed like only seconds had passed before the sleek black car pulled up behind my car in the driveway. I went to open the door but my phone rang and I stopped, pulling it out to see a number I didn't recognize on the caller id.

"Hello?" I answered hesitantly.

There was no answer as a knock sounded beside me and I saw Jasper standing there, an umbrella over his head and a cell phone in his hand as he opened my door for me.

"I didn't want you to get wet." He explained as I grabbed my purse and my apron out of the passenger seat and slid out of the car and under the shelter of his umbrella.

"Thank you so much. Again."

"It's no problem Alice." He laughed as he turned up the heater and backed out of the driveway, his hand inches from my face as he turned around. I felt that unfamiliar tension build up in my gut and I had to look out the windshield in front of me to compose myself. "So do you think you'll get in too much trouble?"

"What?" I asked stupidly.

"With your job..." He trailed off as he turned left on the street that led out of my subdivision.

"Oh...uh...no, I called right after I hung up with you. Told them my car wasn't working. They sounded pretty...okay with it." I stammered. God what the hell was wrong with me?

"That's good." He nodded with a lazy smile and I swallowed thickly before turning to watch the streets as we passed them.

"So do you have any idea what's wrong with it?"

"Wrong with what?" I asked, looking back to him to see him staring intently in my direction as he pulled to a stop at a red light.

"Your car." He said slowly before starting forward again. I must have looked like an idiot. I might as well have started licking the windows with the way I was acting.

"No idea." I finally managed to whisper.

"I'll tell Rose to stop by later and look at it. She's fairly good with stuff like that. Better than I am at least."

"You don't have to..."

" I want to. And I know she will too."

I nodded tightly as he pulled up in front of the small cafe and handed me the umbrella that sat between our seats.

"Won't you need it?" I asked, confused.

"I have a coat... and a hat. And a parking garage in Rose's apartment building." He smirked again and I smiled before opening the door and sliding out.

"Thanks. I know I've said it a lot but really...thank you."

"I know Alice, and you're welcome."

XxxxxX

The rest of the day passed in a flurry of hot chocolates and cappuccinos, and I was beyond grateful when five o'clock rolled around and I clocked out. I pulled my caramel coated apron off of my head and walked around the front of the counter, waving goodbye to my boss as I pulled my coat tighter around me.

_At least the rain stopped_ I thought as I opened the front door and walked out into the brisk night air, wishing I had brought my hat and gloves.

"Alice." I stopped right outside of the door when I saw Jasper waiting beside his car, his hat pulled down to cover his blonde hair but his coat nowhere to be seen. "I didn't know what time you got off."

He smiled sheepishly as he opened the passenger side door and gestured for me to get in. I hesitated before walking forward and sliding in, careful not to let my messy smock touch any of the upholstery.

"You didn't have to pick me up." I argued once he had gotten in and buckled up. "I could have walked, it's not raining anymore."

"It's cold outside though." he debated as he turned the car on and pulled out of his parallel parking space and started back towards my house. "I didn't want you to get sick."

"But you're a doctor..." I laughed. "Shouldn't you want sick people? More business and such?"

"Hmmm...you make a good point Cullen." He smirked. "But I didn't say I didn't want people to get sick...just you."

My heart beat frantically and I winced as I felt my stomach clamp up again. I probably shouldn't have eaten that two day old biscotti.

"Here you are." Jasper said as he pulled to a stop in front of my house.

"Thanks." I said awkwardly as I stood up on the curb and went to close the door.

"Hey Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me if you need a ride again okay?"

"Okay."

The house was dark and empty when I entered it, as I knew it would be. And I tried not to let that disappoint me.

I didn't turn on any lights as I made my way to the kitchen, ignoring the continuous red flashing light emanating from my answering machine.

Rolling my eyes at Emmett's relentlessness, I threw my stuff down on the table and went to find some food.

After a few minutes of fruitless searching I resigned myself to the pitiful truth. Bella had been doing my shopping for the past few months. Switching out cartons of milk when one would sour and pre-cooking meals just so she'd be sure that I was at least eating.

I knew I had taken it for granted. Taken _her_ for granted, and I knew that eventually, I'd have to apologize. Eventually.

I sighed as I pulled the almost empty carton of ice cream out of the bare freezer. Finding a large spoon, I dug in, sitting myself on the counter as I wallowed in self pity.

My stomach was still growling in protest after I had polished off the meager bit of chocolate almond. I almost just gave up and went to bed, crawling under the covers and ignoring all the pangs I was feeling: hunger, jealousy, guilt. But then I saw the headlights pull in across the street.

I turned sideways on my perch and leaned as far to the right as I could without toppling off -which happened to be quite far- and watched as Rosalie parked her flashy red convertible in the empty spot next to Emmett's monstrosity.

She didn't bother knocking or to wait for the big oaf to let her in. Instead she pulled a key out of her purse, stepped inside and shut the door tightly behind her.

Once again I felt a sharp twist in my stomach as I watched the door. Finally, when my shoulder ached and my arm was shaking, I pushed myself back upright and leaned against the cabinet behind me.

I didn't even know I was crying until I felt the warm, salty liquid on my lips. I scolded myself as I reached up and wiped them away.

I shouldn't be crying like this. It had been almost a year. The time for tears was long gone. So why was I still shedding them?

With another pang I finally realized what it was. What that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach was each time I saw my friends now. I was lonely.

Bella had Edward. They were happy together, thriving, and despite how stupid I thought it was, they were getting married. Angela and Ben were still together even after all these years. Not to mention the fact that they were expecting their first child. Rosalie and Emmett were practically living together. She had changed him, made him better, and they were perfect together. And I was alone. _Alone_, I never thought that word would ever apply to me.

But maybe I didn't have to be alone. I slid down carefully from my perch on the counter before finding my cell phone and dialing back the most recent call.

It only rang twice before he answered and my stomach knotted up.

"Hi Jasper, sorry to bother you...again."

"Alice, is something wrong? Do you need something?"

"Um...well, how does Chinese sound?"

"Sorry, what?"

"Ah...this is embarrassing." I laughed dryly, nervously. "I have no food in my house. So I was wondering if maybe you'd like to have dinner with me." There was no answer for what felt like forever so I immediately started back pedaling as I silently kicked myself. " I mean...to repay you...for giving me a ride today...twice."

"Alice... you don't have to repay me."

"I know that." I assured him. "I just thought that...never mind."

"No Alice, wait please don't hang up. I would love to eat Chinese food with you."

"Really?" I squeaked and I cringed at the noise.

"Really." He chuckled.

We made plans for him to pick me up at seven and as I hung up the phone I realized that something was off about me. I didn't know what it was until I walked into my bathroom and came face to face with myself in the mirror I usually avoided.

I didn't look much different than I had a few months ago at the Halloween party. My cheeks were still gaunt and my eyes had dark rimmed shadows underneath them from the lack of sleep I had been experiencing, but no longer was my mouth pulled down into a deep frown.

The way my lips curved upwards at the corners with my grin made me feel different, if not a bit guilty. I tried to ignore that as I brushed my teeth to get rid of the milky taste of almost forgotten ice cream and rushed through putting makeup on.

I was thoroughly shocked as I walked back into my bedroom and saw that nearly fifteen minutes had passed and I rushed around throwing clothes around until finally I thought I looked less...undead.

Just as I had finished pulling on my cream colored sweater and ran my fingers through my short spikes of hair the doorbell rang. I slipped my feet into my moccasins and flew down the hallway and opened the door.

It felt like someone had knocked all the breath out of me as soon as I saw him. It wasn't that he was dressed exceedingly nice- we were after all, only going to eat Chinese food- it was more of how he was dressed.

His jeans hung low on his hips but not falling off. The light blue v-neck, long sleeved, t-shirt he wore was tight against his chest, the edges pulled down so that they were showing under his jacket sleeves. His necklaces were still on and tucked into his shirt and his hair was in messy disarray.

His full lips pulled up into a half grin, exposing the dimple on his left cheek, as he watched me stare at him. When I finally realized how it must look I forced myself to tear my gaze away from him and instead focused on finding my purse and making sure everything was in it before shrugging into my coat and pulling my hat down over my ears. The small smile was still on his lips as he held his arm out to me and led me out the door.

The ride to the restaurant was spent in an awkward silence. I kept fidgeting with the hem of my coat sleeve and tried to keep my eyes on anything but the man beside me as I kept switching my gaze between the road in front of us and the rings on my fingers.

It didn't seem to bother him as we pulled into the parking lot of the nearest Chinese restaurant and he slid effortlessly around to my side of the car and opened the door for me, leading me silently in through the front doors.

Once we were seated and the hostess had taken our drink orders, I let myself actually look at the man before me. He was poring over the menu in front of him with his deep blue eyes, his brows furrowed in concentration.

I bit my bottom lip to keep the chuckle that was threatening to escape inside and went about looking through the menu myself.

"Hi. My name is Lana and I'll be you're waitress for this evening." I looked up into the ice blue eyes of the fake blonde girl standing beside me, who apparently, only had eyes for my date. _No, not a date _I reminded myself sternly as I shook my head and spouted off the same order I had been getting since I was sixteen as Jasper gave his order with a smirk to the smitten girl.

"So…" He started as soon as the girl was out of earshot.

"So…" I replied and we both chuckled as we sat in the slightly awkward silence.

A few minutes passed as I tried to wrack my brain for any topic of worth and he seemed to do the same. Finally, when it seemed like the silence would kill me, I gave up and spouted off the first thing that popped into my head. "What's your family like?"

He seemed surprised for a moment before he sat up straighter and flashed me a small grin. "Well, you know Rosalie already."

I nodded in response, not trusting myself to utter even one syllable lest it give away the reaction I had to just hearing his smooth and gravelly voice.

"My dad's a mechanic back in Texas. He's lived there his whole life."

"Is that where Rose get's her knowledge of cars?"

"Indeed it is." He chuckled.

"And your mom?" I questioned as I picked up my glass of soda and took a long sip.

"She died when we were twelve; ovarian cancer."

"Oh my God." I muttered as I tried not to choke on the ice cube I had inadvertently swallowed. "I'm so sorry."

"Why?" He asked with a shrug. "It was quite some time ago…"

"I should have…"

"What? Been more compassionate about it? Alice, you didn't know. How could you have? You don't know me."

I nodded my head and looked down at my glass to see him pulling down the ends of his sleeves past his wrists, stretching the material as he did.

"What about your family?" He asked after a short pause.

"Well," I started, clearing my throat. "I'm an only child and my parents had me early on in life. My dad's a local doctor in Forks where I grew up and my mom was a stay at home mom until I left for college."

"Sounds…picturesque."

"You could say that."

"What about Bella and Emmett? You seem close to them."

"I am." I nodded. "They've always been a part of our family; it's just second nature to call them my siblings I guess."

"They're good people."

"Very." I agreed with a tight smile as the waitress appeared with our food and sat it in front of us making sure to stare blatantly at Jasper as she asked us three times if we needed anything else. I had a feeling she wasn't talking to me.

"What did you major in?" Jasper asked before the waitress had even made a move to walk away, clearly dismissing her. I forced myself to keep the smug look off of my face as I watched her walk away a little too slowly for my liking.

"Journalism." I finally said when the bimbo was out of earshot.

"Really?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh, no there's nothing wrong with that." He assured me with a smile. "It's just an interesting career choice. Do you mind if I ask why?"

I shook my head and launched into my inner workings. The whole reason I had chosen Journalism in the first place was because I loved writing. And even more so, I loved having people react to what I wrote. Knowing that I could inform people or even sway them from a certain opinion had always fascinated me. Jasper seemed completely enthralled by my explanation and he would interject every once in awhile with his own opinion or conjecture.

By the time we had finished dinner I had monopolized the conversation thoroughly and felt terrible about it, but Jasper assured me with a smile that it was fine as he walked me out to the car and shut the door behind me. We listened to the radio as we drove back and I noticed he hummed softly along with the song that was playing, his voice still that gravelly and smooth mixture at the same time.

I listened intently and then I realized I knew the song. I couldn't help myself as I softly started singing along with him.

_**You're nobody 'til somebody loves you  
You're nobody 'til somebody cares  
You may be king, you may possess the world and it's gold  
But gold won't bring you happiness when you're growing old  
The world still is the same, you never change it**_

I stopped singing when I realized Jasper had grown quiet. "You know that song?"

I nodded my head in response to his question and looked down to the hands in my lap. "My…my husband used to listen to it."

"My mom did too." Jasper replied and suddenly my hand was in his and he was rubbing little circles with his thumb on the back as I fought hard against the tears that were welling in my eyes.

The rest of the drive was silent though Dean Martin continued to croon in the background.

Rosalie's car was still parked in Emmett's driveway when we pulled up to my house. I noticed Jasper staring at it and I figured he was thinking the same thing I was.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked wearily.

"I…I don't know…"

"We can make some more hot chocolate." I said with a smile and I watched as his blue eyes lightened a bit, his lips curling up into a smirk.

"That sounds nice."

He parked the car and helped me from the passenger side, walking behind me to the door and waiting as I unlocked it.

The house was just as still and quiet as it had been when I had first walked into it this evening after work, but for some reason, it didn't feel as lonely and cold.

"I'll be right back, just make yourself at home." I called as I wandered down the hallway to my bathroom.

When I came back Jasper was sitting in the kitchen, in Jack's chair. I didn't let it bother me as I bustled about the kitchen. The phone began to ring and I looked at it, noting that it was Emmett's number.

"Emmett has been…relentless." I explained as I silenced the ringer on it and let him keep trying.

Jasper nodded and I pulled the cocoa down from the cabinet just as the answering machine picked up with its cold informal greeting. I had deleted the one Jack and I had made a few weeks ago.

"Hey Al. It's me. Of course, you already know that don't you or else you'd be picking up the phone. Look, I know your upset but please don't do this. Bells needs you because I sure as hell can't plan a wedding. And she just…we need you. Please don't do this again. Just…I just wanted to call and see how you were doing, making sure you were having a good Valentine's Day. Call me back. Love you."

The click sounded and I froze in mid-action. Valentine's day, how could I have forgotten that? A lump formed in my throat and I felt a few tears escape through my closed lashes before gentle fingers were brushing them away.

Jasper took the stuff out of my hands and set it behind me on the counter and then pulled me against him. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, but all I could smell was him. That deep musky scent blended in with the smell of sugar and cinnamon. It was so uniquely Jasper and yet so familiarly Jack and it broke my heart. I let the tears fall and didn't bother trying to hide them as Jasper rubbed my back and whispered soothing words.

I didn't pull away, I didn't make an excuse that I needed to get something done, I didn't make him leave, I didn't slap him. I let him hold me, and for some reason it felt…right. It was the first time I had ever let someone help me. Even when they first told me Jack was gone, I had locked my doors and hadn't come out until Emmett threatened to call a locksmith. I had been forced to eat and drink and they had made me do menial things that I had no interest in doing. I hadn't wanted the help but they had given it and I had been forced to take it.

I wasn't forced into this. I wanted it. But all too soon, he pulled away.

"I can leave." He whispered in a low voice and I shook my head, pushing myself back into his arms.

"Please don't."

I felt him nod his head and I relaxed into him once more.

* * *

_**A/N: I love Dean Martin. So much. Almost as much as I love Emmett, Emily, Haley, JBone's tongue ring, Kellan, Michael Buble...Oh and reviews. Let me know what you're thinking. Whether it be here or on the Twilighted thread. I don't mind. I just love hearing your thoughts. Oh and you get a sneak peek (and I give out extra snippets on my thread, just fyi)  
Besos. **_


	10. Forgive Me First Love, But I'm Tired

_**A/N: Thank you so much to Fortunate who stepped in and sub beta'd so Haley could have a great vacation. Thanks to Haley, without her help this story wouldn't be here, at all. (I expect you back bright and early Monday morning Boobie. kidding.)Please check out the author's note at the end! Thanks!  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing... though I'd happily trade my little sisters to own Emmett and Jasper. **_

* * *

_**So little to say but so much time,  
despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind.  
Please wear the face, the one where you smile,  
because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry.**_

_**Forgive me first love, but I'm tired.  
-Adele**_

_**Alice POV**_

_**March 26th**_

"We've got 'Shaun of the Dead' or 'Superbad', your choice." Jasper said as I walked into the living room with a bowl of popcorn.

"Hmm… 'Shaun of the Dead' definitely."

Jasper nodded and slipped the DVD out of it's case and into the player before joining me on the couch and grabbing a handful of popcorn.

It was eight-thirty at night and we had been doing this for eight hours now, ignoring the heavy looming presence that weighed on my shoulders. I couldn't let myself think about it, and while I hadn't told Jasper exactly why he was here helping me eat our weight in popcorn and candy and nearly drowned ourselves in various different kinds of sodas, I was almost positive that he knew, or at least had an inkling.

It was one of those things I was beginning to find particularly comforting about Jasper. He never pressed me for details, he always knew just the right thing to say or do and I never felt like he was trying too hard to be nice or walk on eggshells around me. With Jasper it just was.

We watched the movie in silence, only stopping it when one of us needed a refill or to make a run to the bathroom. And despite what today was, how every time I saw the date on my phone or let my mind wander and I would remember that a year ago today my world had come crashing down, I felt alright.

Two full movies later and we were starving for some real food. We ordered a pizza and sat at the kitchen table playing 'speed' while we waited for it to get there.

"God, why are we even still playing this?" I laughed as I shifted the cards around in my hands again and began to shuffle them.

"Oh come on, Jazzy. Don't be a poor sport just 'cause you can't win."

"I could…"

"The name of the game is speed." I said quickly as I started dealing the cards again. "If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen…"

"I can take it." He promised, and we started yet another game.

Three minutes later and I was doing a victory dance while Jasper belly-ached across the table and finally admitted defeat.

"Don't be a sore loser, Jazz."

"I'm not." He said and he poked his tongue at me.

"Just because I win…"

"Of course you win, you're faster than a monkey on crack."

The doorbell rang, pulling us away from our childish bickering and he got up to go answer it while I put away the cards and cleared off the table.

He returned a few seconds later, pizza box in hand and he held his hands up to stop me from taking down the two plates I had grasped in my fist.

"That's not how you eat pizza." He said and he nodded his head toward the living room. I followed him to find that he had already thrown a blanket across the floor where my coffee table used to sit. "Now this…this is how you eat pizza."

I laughed at him, but followed anyway as he led me to one corner of the coverlet and set the box in the middle.

"I've never eaten pizza like this." I said honestly as I curled my legs underneath me and reached behind me to yank a throw pillow off of the couch to lean on.

"I'm not surprised, really." Jasper said as he opened the pizza box and then handed me a bottle of soda from the bag beside him. "This was something my mom used to do with me and Rosalie when we were little. It was fun to us, like an adventure of sorts. Looking back now, I realize it was probably her way of getting out of doing the dishes…" He trailed off and his eyes held that far away look and I realized he was probably remembering his mom.

"Jack…my husband…" I started quietly, and I watched as Jasper turned his head to face me. "He always insisted on having ice cream for dinner once a month when he was home."

Jasper laughed once, and then pulled a slice of pizza from the box, folding it in half long ways before taking a bite and chewing on it thoughtfully. I followed suit, ignoring the pull in the center of my gut that screamed at me; telling me something was off, and we sat in silence as we ate our impromptu meal.

It was only as we were closing the lid on the half eaten pizza and folding up the blanket to put it back in the hall closet, that I realized what that gut feeling was trying to point out. It was the first time I had mentioned Jack's name in a sentence and I didn't feel like crawling back under the covers and never coming out again. It was the first time that I could talk about my late husband during a meal, and then still eat until my stomach was fit to burst; the first time in a long time that I didn't feel guilty for smiling at his memory instead of letting the tears fall.

"Alice…" I moved my eyes to meet Jasper's as he stood up and held a hand up to help me to my feet. I took it gratefully, and then let go as he set the pizza box on the coffee table he had pushed to the side of the room and sighed. "Alice, laughing like that, having fun, it isn't going to make him roll over in his grave. He'd want you to be happy."

I closed my eyes as I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes. "How do you know?" I finally choked out.

"Because he loved you." He said simply, and I opened my eyes to see him smiling gently down at me. "I can tell by the way everyone talks about him. The way people worry about you, they know you're going to miss him more than life and they want to make sure you're alright."

I nodded my head and swallowed thickly against the tears that were still fighting to break free. "He would have liked you," I said honestly.

"Tell me about him," Jasper said and I sat down on the couch as he did the same.

"He was a joker; he loved April Fool's, and every year he would force me to go along with some hare-brained scheme to get Emmett. But Emmett's quick, he sees things like a child, and he always knows when something's up. It's his four-year-old mind." Jasper laughed and put his arm around the back of the couch as he turned to look at me. "So every year on April Fool's, he'd make up this big elaborate plan and try to fool Emmett. But every year, it would backfire on him." I laughed as I thought about the times Jack had ended up with egg on his face -or worse, in the emergency room- when he had tried to one up Emmett.

"So, he loved ice cream and jokes…" Jasper said quietly with a small smile and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips.

"I think it was more the fact that he hated rules. He always wanted to live life to the fullest, you know? He hated the idea that someone might dictate what he did with his life. It was one of the things I loved about him."

"_Love_, Alice. Just because he's gone, doesn't mean you have to stop loving him."

I sniffed back the tears that were threatening to spill over and smiled at the man beside me. I was sure of what I had said, that Jack would have loved Jasper. Not only were they both from Texas, but they were both genuinely good people.

"So…how about another movie?" Jasper said and I laughed as I jumped up quickly to beat him to the entertainment center pulling out 'Tristan and Isolde', one of my favorites.

He rolled his eyes, but relented, and I jumped up and down as I put it in and then resumed my spot next to him on the couch.

XxxxxX

I awoke with the soft gray light from the dreary Seattle morning shining in through my bedroom window. I vaguely remembered Jasper's arms as he carried from the couch to my bed in my half-awake state, and then later as he bid me goodnight and told me he'd call me today.

I sat up and rubbed a hand through my hair. My stomach felt like lead, but I didn't doubt the fact that it probably had something to do with the some three tons of junk food I had ingested last night.

I rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom, ignoring the mirror still as I stripped down and turned the water on as hot as it would go. I wanted to be clean; I wanted to wash away any remnants of happiness or sorrow that might still linger on my skin. I had something I needed to do today.

After the water in the shower had run cold and I could bear it no longer, I stepped out and dried off. I had purposely taken today off as well as yesterday, and I hadn't bothered to give any explanation. This was just for me. Something I had to do and yet still, I dreaded it.

It felt as though my mind and my body were no longer connected, because sooner than I would have liked I found myself parked outside of the lonely, lifeless gates.

The place looked colder than I felt, and I had to fight the tears again as I pushed through the clanking metal and made my way through the paths to my destination.

It was hard to believe that it had been this long since I'd stepped foot in here, though I had trouble even remembering that day as it was. It was like something I had blocked it from my memory and refused to remember; like the camping and fishing trips Bella had taken as a child or the unfortunate month I was a blonde. I chose not to remember it, because it was less painful that way.

Still, however, I could take the path that led to him with my eyes closed. I didn't know whether it was because my subconscious had stored it away for a time such as this, or because I wanted to remember every single footstep that separated me from him.

I took my time however, even stopping to look at some of the other headstones that I passed, and when I finally reached my destination I found that I wasn't alone.

Emmett sat on his knees in front of Jack's gravestone, his head hung low and his shoulders hunched forward. His lips were moving slowly, and even from where I stood I could see the unmistakable trail of tears that ran down his cheeks.

I walked closer still, my body still not connected to my mind as I began to overhear snippets of what was coming from his lips.

"I know you never meant to hurt her. To hurt us, but Jack, it hurts. It hurts to know that you'll never be here to see Bella walk down the aisle, or to hear that Angela and Ben are having a baby. It fucking hurts to think that when I _finally_ find the girl you always promised me was out there, you will never get to meet her and all she hears about you are the stories the guys sometimes tell when they know Alice or Bella aren't around to get upset by them. God, Jack, it pisses me off to see Alice so hurt by this, and I'm trying Jack. I'm trying to do what you said and help her, but there's only so much I can do when she won't let me. I just…I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me how to fix this. Like you used to tell me how to fix it when whatever bimbo I was dating would get pissed off at me." He chuckled dryly as his fingers picked at the grass on the ground below him. "I miss you Jack, there's no getting around that. I just…I don't know if I can fix this one."

He stopped then and his shoulders shook. It took me longer than it should to realize he was sobbing.

I was torn; frozen in my spot. Emmett was never an overly emotional person, though neither am I, and I didn't know whether to turn and run and pretend I never saw it happening or to go on with my task. Before I could stop myself, or second guess the inane urge I had to do it, I walked the rest of the way and wrapped my arms around my pseudo-big brother, my own tears falling fiercely now and sticking to the argyle on the shoulder of his sweater.

He stiffened for a moment before his hands found mine, and he pulled me down beside him, wrapping me up in his muscular arms.

I don't know how long we sat there, our sobs shaking the both of us until we both had equally annoying sets of hiccups and our eyes were red from the tears we had used up.

When we finally pulled away, Emmett used his thumbs to swipe at the tears that were still rolling slowly down my cheeks. His full lips, that were so much like his sister's, pulled up at the corners and he bent down to kiss my forehead softly.

"I didn't mean to bother you…" I whispered and he shook his head and pulled me close to him again. "…or interrupt."

"You didn't…I shouldn't have…"

I pulled away, and reached up with my hand to cover his mouth. His eyes narrowed for half a second.

"Don't Em. He's your best friend…."

He nodded against my lips, and started blinking fast as he turned to face the gravestone again and I did the same.

"You're looking better. Like you're eating and sleeping."

"I am."

"I'm glad." He said and his voice sounded choked. "You scared me, Alice. You scared all of us. It…it's not like any of us have been in this situation before. I tried everything I could think of next to just strapping you down and force feeding you myself. I hated myself, Al. I wanted to be able to make you smile like I used to. And laugh. God, I missed your laugh. And Bella's, too. It was like when he died, he took a part of all of us, and it was so fucking unfair that I couldn't fix it.

"I wanted to fix it, Al. I wanted to make you happy again. I wanted to make Bella happy again. I wanted to be the comic relief like I used to. But it just didn't happen that way. I guess he took that from me, too. And as much as I hate to say it, I was pissed off at him. For leaving, for taking my sisters, for taking myself away from me, it just wasn't fair. I should have been able to be strong, Alice…and I couldn't."

"Emmett. No." I sniffed. "You're always doing that. You're always trying to be the protector. Always trying to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders, you aren't Atlas. You can't be the one who does that."

He nodded his head and reached his arm around me, pulling me into his side and letting me rest there.

The sun peeked out from around the clouds and warmed my chilled cheeks as I sat near my husband and one of my best friends by my side.

"Alice…"

"Bella needs me." I said and I felt him chuckle quietly, the motion bouncing us around together.

"She does." He said lightheartedly, and I felt better knowing that maybe I hadn't damaged everything beyond repair.

"I need…time to get used to this. To get used to...everything. I just need time, Em."

"I know, Al." He sighed and I looked up to see that it wasn't a hurt sound, but more of an acceptance. "I think we all do. At least just a little."

It was quiet again for a few minutes longer before Emmett finally let go of me and stood to his feet, rubbing the dirt off of his knees and straightening the creases out of his pants.

"If I call you later, will you answer your phone?" He asked quietly and I chuckled before nodding and reaching back to give his hand a light squeeze.

"I promise."

"Good." He smiled and he bent down to kiss the top of my spiky head before he walked back towards the front gates.

I watched him walk until I could see his behemoth figure no longer before I turned back around and reached out with shaky fingers to caress the cold marble of the stone.

It killed me to think that I hadn't even gotten to see my husband one last time before I had to say goodbye to him.

The army had cited reasons that I hadn't even listened to, the only thing that had mattered to me was that my husband's body was missing. That he had been battered and beaten by a roadside bomb, and while other men left with missing legs or shrapnel scars, my husband had lost his life.

My husband, who did everything he could for his country. For his family, his friends. For me. It didn't seem fair even now when the anger and the pain had seemed to subside somewhat and give me moments of peace.

I took a deep breath that was as equally as shaky as my fingers as I pulled my knees out from under me and rested my bum on the hard ground.

"You said…" I stopped and shook my head, more to myself than the inanimate object before me. "The day you left. You were so selfish, Jack. You hadn't even told me you were leaving. And how long had you known? I was so….fucking pissed off at you, because you kept that from me. And then you try to tell me it was because the doctors had said I didn't need extreme stress in my life if I wanted to conceive. That was bullshit, Jack. You didn't want to tell me because you knew it would hurt me. And you knew that I would have given anything for you to stay. _Anything_.

"That fight…I didn't mean it, Jack. I was angry, I was so, so angry. And maybe I had no right to be. I know I said things that hurt you and knowing now that you wouldn't come home, I wish I could go back and stop those words from coming out of my mouth; from rolling off my tongue. I wish I hadn't cut you with my words, Jack. Because cutting you was like cutting me."

I stopped then to wipe at the snot that was running down from both of my nostrils, and even though I had spent the better part of the morning crying, I was surprised to see that tears had once again begun to stream down my cheeks and fall to my lap.

"And it hurts, Jack. It all hurts. Every bone in my body aches; and I just want you to come home. It hurts to watch that front door and wait for you to walk in and throw your duffel bags down and wrap me up in a hug, but all the time knowing it's not going to happen. But what hurts the most is _knowing_ that I could have said so much to you. If I could go back and change it, Jack, I would. I would trade everything I said that night and tell you what I didn't….but I can't."

I let the sobs wrack my body, ridding myself of the tears that I had somehow saved. These were my tears. These were the tears that hadn't fallen a year ago when I watched the empty coffin being lowered into the ground. These were the tears that refused to come when my mom had worried about my catatonic state. They were the tears that I had saved. They were Jack's tears.

I sat there in the cemetery, on my husband's grave for all intents and purposes. Sometime between the end of my rant and the tears that wouldn't stop, I laid down, my head resting on the cold earth beneath my palms. It was a long time before I finally stopped heaving with sobs that ripped deep within the chasm in my chest. The hole that was ripped when Jack vanished from my life.

It was silent and still as I watched the sun go down over Seattle and hide behind the trees that lined the back of the cemetery. I was cold and wet –from tears or rain, I couldn't tell- and _**I **_was silent.

My heartbeat was slow and steady, and my breath wasn't coming in shallow spurts or gasps. I used my forearms to lean up and then somehow rolled to my feet, my knees shaking slightly under my weight. With one last longing glance back at the gray stone, I let my heavy feet carry me away.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't be back here for awhile. I knew that Jack was gone; that he had died. And even though a large part of me had died with him, somehow I'd be alright in the end.

My phone rang as I reached my car, and I didn't need to glance at the caller ID to see who it was. My mind already knew as I pushed the button on the key ring to unlock the door and I answered the phone simultaneously, as I slid into the driver's seat.

"Hey, Jazzy." I said, slightly teasingly.

"Hey, Ali." He laughed back, teasing me just as much.

I felt the corners of my lips pull up into a smile that was slowly but surely becoming a familiar fixture on my face again, and I rolled my eyes. "Up for another round of 'speed'?"

"Damn straight." He answered; his southern lilt pushing through in those two syllables.

"'K. I guess that means you're ready to have your ass handed to you then."

"Guess so." He chuckled, the sound sending my gut plummeting. "See you in ten?"

"Yup." I said, popping my lips around the 'p' loudly. "And don't forget the Twizzlers this time."

We argued a few seconds over whose turn it was to supply the snacks before I hung up and turned the car on.

"Bye, baby." I whispered as I put the car into reverse and left the parking lot; heading home.

* * *

**_A/N: There's a poll up on my profile that I would really appreciate your opinions in. It's something I've had in my head for awhile now but I'm not sure which way to go with it. Thanks! Also, I put the lyrics to the song that I got the title of the chapter from at the beginning. If you go back in the story I did it for the other chapters as well. Alright, so from here on out the story will be picking up. Thanks to those of you who are reading and reviewing, and even more so to those that are reading, reviewing and visiting my thread over on Twilighted in the AU/All-Human Forums. I give out extra sneak peeks over there and it's free and easy to sign up and play. If you haven't already; I highly suggest it. We have fun. Alright, enough shameless plugging. You know the drill review for a sneak peek.  
Besos. _**


	11. It'll All Get Better In Time

_**A/N: Happy New Year Everyone! This is my gift to you! As usual, irritablegrizzlylover used her beta-extraordinaire powers on this puppy.  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but an unhealthy obsession with the Cullen men...oh and a certain boys tonguering. ung. **_

* * *

_**Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
Even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time  
-Leona Lewis**_

**Alice POV**

**April 1st**

My fingertips strummed a beat against my thigh as I sat in my car waiting impatiently. The sun was just disappearing on the horizon, and according to my internal scheduling we were running behind.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late…" Jasper slid into the passenger seat and stopped short of buckling up as he eyed me warily. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Like what?" I asked innocently as I let my foot off the brake and eased into traffic.

"Like you're about to rob a museum." He replied and I chanced a glance in his direction. His bright blue eyes were as wide as dinner plates and his mouth was slightly open.

"Oh, my dear Jazzy." I knew he hated the nickname, but I also knew he would never say anything to me about using it. "Have you been so naïve as to forget what day it is today?"

I heard him gulp loudly and I had to force back the laughter that was building in my chest. It wasn't as if I had let him in on my little plan anyway. I wanted it to be a surprise. Something I could share with him. I knew he'd understand and I knew he'd go along with it. If only to make me happy.

"Ali…" He trailed off as we stopped at a red light and I looked over to see understanding dawn on his features.

His gorgeous full lips turned up at the corners slowly before finally changing into a full blow smile.

"You have an outfit in the backseat."

"Does it match yours?"

"Absolutely." I laughed as the light turned green and Jasper rummaged around in the backseat before pulling out the Nordstrom's bag and rifling through it.

"Alice, really? Designer?"

"The best crimes have to be committed in designer duds Jazzy. Have I taught you nothing?"

His laughter filled the car as I took a left and pulled into my driveway, staking out the neighborhood for any signs of our target.

"We're clear." I finally said and I dashed out of the car and into the house not bothering to shut the door behind me.

Jasper was shaking his head and suppressing laughter as he met me in the living room, but he didn't say anything as he took stock of the supplies I had scattered across the living room floor and any surface in between.

I heard him mutter something under his breath that sounded oddly like "Oh Lord." But I didn't pay him any attention as I got back to what I had been doing before I had to go pick him up.

I hadn't told him anything of my plans today other than for him to meet me outside of the hospital instead of catching the bus back to his apartment.

"Ali, not that I'm judging your shopping skills or anything…" He said softly and I turned to see him pulling the solid black sweater out of the bag. "But are you sure this is goin' to fit me?"

I let my mouth fall open in mock horror and clutched my hand against my chest before sniffing quietly.

"Fine." He said and sighed as he walked back to the bathroom without another word.

I contained my laughter just barely before turning back to the list in front of me and continuing my work.

**XxxxxX**

"Fluffy Bunny; Come in Fluffy Bunny." I whispered into the walkie-talkie I held tightly in my hand.

"Alice…I'm five feet away from you." Jasper said from my left and I turned to glare at him. "Besides, Fluffy Bunny?"

"Is the target in sight?" I asked into the walkie-talkie again, ignoring his petulance.

I saw Jasper roll his eyes from my peripheral vision as he raised the walkie-talkie up to his mouth and spoke into it, humoring me.

"Target is in sight Striking Cobra." He paused, not letting his thumb off of the button. "I gave you a cool name, why couldn't I be 'crouching tiger' or 'hidden dragon'?"

I giggled and reached over to pat his cheek with my gloved hand, "Because Jazzy boy, I like 'Fluffy Bunny' and you said we could choose each other's names."

"That was before you named me 'Fluffy Bunny'." He mumbled and I giggled again, the smile on my face making my cheeks hurt.

Suddenly the light on the front of the house went off and I let out a sigh of relief. We had been crouching in Emmett's bushes for the past half hour and it was almost midnight, I knew he had to work in the morning. It was about time.

I nudged Jasper with my elbow, hoping I hit him in the right spot seeing as we were both dressed completely in black and I couldn't tell my elbow from my ass in the dark.

"It's go time." I whispered and stood up from my knees, pulling the black pillowcase stuffed with our things up with me.

"Operation: 'this will end badly' is a go." Jasper said from behind me as we crept around the house and to the driveway where Emmett and Rosalie's cars were parked.

"You get the lawn, I'll get the cars." I said as I gestured behind me.

I glanced back to make sure Jasper was doing what I had instructed before reaching into my pillowcase and pulling out the bulk sized honey and industrial sized roll of saran wrap.

After I had finished 'wrapping' Emmett's car with the honey and the saran wrap, I moved on to Rosalie's beautiful cherry apple red convertible. I almost lost my guts right then as I gazed at the beautiful car in front of me.

It had taken Jack and I nearly three years to pay off our car and it was a piece of shit, I could only imagine how much hard work and effort Rosalie had put into this, her baby.

"Hey now." Jasper whispered into my ear, his breath blew across the nape of my neck and I shivered slightly. "When I said I didn't want to do this because Emmett scared the living shit out of me you said that hesitation wasn't an option."

"It's just…so pretty," I said halfheartedly as I lifted up a hand to gesture to the car…or at least, I think I pointed to the car, it was still too dark to see, "…and it probably took her forever to buy it and…"

"She bought it for five hundred bucks."

"What?"

"She bought it for five hundred bucks." Jasper laughed as I turned to face him, and I'm sure my face said a lot. "My sister's a grease monkey. She buys cars and fixes them up and then sells them after she gets tired of them."

I nodded my head in understanding but didn't move from where I stood with the pillowcase clutched in my fists, facing Jasper.

His lips pulled up at the corner, exposing a dimple as he pushed me backwards until I hit Rosalie's car with a small thump.

"You aren't…you're not afraid of my sister are you?" He asked, a smug smile still playing on his lips as he put his arms on either side of me, his palms flat against the soft top.

"No." I gulped and then cursed myself for how my voice sounded all squeaky and unsure. "She's just…"

"She has a black belt." He laughed and I felt my hold on the pillowcase loosen.

"She does?"

"Yes." His voice was getting lower and lower and I pushed myself further into the car, though I wasn't trying to get away from him. Far from it. "She also knows jujitsu."

I dropped the pillowcase altogether and yelped slightly.

"Oh come on Ali." Jasper laughed, shaking his head. "This is Rosalie Hale we're talking about. She knows how to take a joke."

"But…"

"No. No 'buts'." He said and my heart plummeted as he pushed away from the car and away from me, bending down to pick up the bag at our feet. "How can you be scared of Rosalie but not Emmett?"

"Emmett's a teddy bear. He couldn't hurt a fly…" I explained. "Unless of course that fly cockblocks him, but that's a different story."

Jasper snorted back a laugh and reached into the bag, pulling out two rolls of toilet paper and shoving one into my hand. "Get to tp'ing Cullen."

I watched as he unraveled the toilet paper and began to roll it under the car before going around and rolling it over the top.

He raised an eyebrow and nodded his forehead toward the roll I had in my hand, laughing as I finally started repeating his actions.

**XxxxxX**

"_Hey Al, it's me again. When you promised to pick up the phone the next time I called I kind of figured you meant every time. Not just once. Um…but maybe you're still asleep. I was just wondering if maybe you or Jasper had heard anything last night when you got back in from Bowling…"_

I couldn't breathe as I clutched my sides and leaned against Jasper on the couch, who was also shaking with laughter as Emmett's message played through the answering machine speaker. We had purposely kept the blinds drawn all morning and hoped that Emmett wouldn't suddenly grow a brain and come pounding on my door with his ninja girlfriend.

"How does he not know?" Jasper laughed. "We spelled out 'April Fools' with whip cream on both of their windshields."

"And I can't believe he bought the bowling story. I don't bowl, I hate the shoes…"

"Only you Alice…" Jasper said through his chuckles and we turned our attention back to the T.V. as we finished polishing off the box of cheez-its.

**XxxxxX**

**April 24th**

It was one of those rare days in Seattle; when the sun shines and the birds sing and people can actually wear their clothes without covering them with some kind of poncho or other form of rain protection.

The streets were uncharacteristically crowded as people milled around, slower than usual.

"Here. Stop here." I commanded and Jasper pulled over to the side of the road and slid effortlessly into one of the few parking spots open.

I dug around in Jasper's glove box until I found the parking sticker I knew he kept in there and placed it on the dashboard.

Jasper rolled his eyes and dug some change out of his pocket anyway to stick in the meter, while I grabbed the basket out of the backseat and clambered out onto the curb.

"Whose idea was it to have a picnic anyway?" Jasper asked as I flitted in front of him toward the middle of the green park.

"Mine. Because picnics are wonderful and something you do on sunny days." I laughed at the face Jasper made.

He had in fact admitted to me that he didn't like picnics; I insisted it was because he had never been on one with me.

But I couldn't get over the fact that Jack too, had hated the idea of picnics. He had absolutely refused to even attend the ones I dragged Bella and Emmett too when days such as this would show themselves.

I had actually been surprised when Jazz had relented after only half an hour or so of my badgering.

I turned around and caught hold of his hand, pulling him along faster as I made our way to the little hill that overlooked the small clearing kids often played tag in. This park was something I hadn't really shared with anyone before, having found it on one of the rare days I wasn't breaking down after Jack died.

Jasper stood with his hands in his pockets, staring down at the laughing, screaming children below us as I laid out the blanket.

"Sit." I commanded, reaching over the basket of food to tug on the legs of his jeans. He smirked down at me before folding himself up on the blanket.

He watched in amusement as I pulled out an assortment of foods, from chicken to pasta salad and ham sandwiches.

"I couldn't decide what I'd want." I shrugged as he raised an eyebrow at me questioningly.

He laughed and helped himself to a drumstick as we both watched the kids play. Some of the parents had to drag their kids away kicking and screaming, with promises of candy and later bedtimes that we could hear even from our perch high above them.

Before long we had eaten through half the basket and I was laying on my back, watching the clouds move across the sky.

I felt Jasper shift so that he lay beside me, our arms touching, as we gazed into the blue yonder.

"Look, a castle!" I yelled, pointing up to the fluffy cloud directly above me.

"That's not a castle." Jasper laughed. "It looks like a monkey."

"Does not." I pouted and I felt, more than heard, him laugh beside me. "Well, look at the dolphin!"

I again pointed to a cloud, this time to our right and watched him turn his head to look to where my finger was pointing.

"I don't see it." He shrugged. "It looks more like…a pirate ship."

"Ugh." I groaned.

"Maybe it's the angle." He offered with a small smile.

I narrowed my eyes but leaned my head on his shoulder to look up at the cloud, laughing. "It does look like a pirate ship."

"Like I said."

We laughed together and continued to point out different shapes, occasionally agreeing on them but for the most part finding different shapes and trying to convince each other that we were right.

Suddenly, in the light of the dimming sun I felt it, the smallest of sprinkles on my forehead. I sat bolt upright and Jasper looked at me questioningly until he sat up too, rubbing his face off.

"Rain." He growled.

"Well, it was good while it lasted."

We got up, gathering the blanket up, tossing it into the basket before running hand in hand back to the car.

"Shit." Jasper muttered as he set the basket down on top of the car. "Alice…please, tell me you have the keys."

"Why would I have the keys?" I asked before the meaning of his question dawned on me. "Jasper David Hale, tell me you didn't lock the keys in the car!"

"I didn't lock the keys in the car?" Jasper asked with a sheepish smile.

I reached up to whack him on the shoulder when the rain picked up. The park was nearly deserted by then and the rain was gradually increasing in intensity and rapidly decreasing in temperature.

I held my arms around myself, wishing I had been as smart as Jasper to wear a long sleeved shirt, while he used his cell phone to call Rose to bring his spare set of keys.

"She has to go back to the apartment first, and I have a feeling Emmett may kill me." He said after he hung up.

I laughed and my teeth chattered involuntarily.

"Come on…there's a gazebo in the middle of the park." Jasper said, pulling me into his side and grabbing the basket off the car, dragging me with him as he headed back into the park.

The lamps in the park had kicked on, creating shadows on the sidewalks as we walked further and further into the park to where the gazebo sat empty.

I chanced a glance up to look at Jasper and was surprised to find him looking back down at me. His honey blonde hair was soaked through, the strands sticking to his forehead and falling into his eyes.

I stopped where I was, forcing Jasper to do the same.

"Let's dance."

"What?" He asked, with a confused expression on his face.

"Let's dance." I said again, pulling away from him and twirling around in a circle.

"Alice, it's raining."

"You call this rain?" I scoffed. "Please, I've had wetter dreams than this."

I saw the blush form on his cheeks and I laughed as I put my hands on his arms and started to run my fingers down them.

He pulled away quickly and took a few steps back, his eyes guarded.

"Sorry…" He mumbled and then he sat the basket down and reached out to take my hands.

I was shocked to find out that Jasper could dance, actually dance. His feet moved quickly and he pulled me into his arms like a pro.

"You're a dancer?" He asked as I twirled back into his arms.

"I stopped when I got married." I said quickly and he somehow knew not to push it. "What about you?"

"I'm from Texas. Knowing how to dance is the number one rule of being a gentleman." He drawled, laying the accent on thick for show.

"What about opening doors for ladies. Or, walking on the outside of the sidewalk?"

He laughed and used his hands to dip me backwards, his fingers firmly planted against my hips. "Dancing is the window to the soul. It also helps in bed."

I felt myself laugh and he sat me back up, pulling me against his chest gently. I inhaled deeply, noting how much stronger his smell was when he was damp with rain.

"Rosalie will be here soon." He whispered and I tightened my hold on him, not willing yet to let go.

I couldn't explain what it was. Maybe because I hadn't been held like this since before Jack died. Maybe, because I had never really been held like this at all. Maybe, because he made my skin tingle and my heart race as his fingers brushed up and down my hips and we stepped together in time. I couldn't figure out what it was, but I didn't want it to end.

"Ali…" He whispered, his voice lower and quieter than before.

I looked up from beneath my lashes to see him giving me a small smile. The smile that pulled up both corners of his mouth and set his usually barely there dimples deep in his cheeks. The smile that crinkled around the edges of his deep blue eyes. The smile that was mine and mine alone.

"Jazz…" I breathed and I felt myself pull myself up on my tiptoes.

I didn't have to do anything else as he bent down, his lips hovering over mine, hesitating. I didn't blame him after the last time.

I pulled my hands away from his shoulders. My fingers going to his hair, pulling through the now sopping locks and untangling the curls there, pulling him to me.

Our lips met slowly, hesitantly, but soon we were grasping on to each other. Begging, pleading, needing. His hands pulled me closer still, holding my feet off the ground as he raised me up a bit; refusing to let go of me.

My heart was pounding deep in my chest, warm fire spreading through my veins and rushing to every part of me, setting it alight.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt alive.

* * *

_**A/N: Review for a sneak peek.**_


	12. Livin' On A Prayer

_**A/N: Wow. Thanks for the reviews. I'm over 400 now. And since I got over 50 on the last chapter, I decided to put this up! Chapter title is especially for MistressElektra. Thanks so much to IrritableGrizzlyLover for being an amazing beta and for my chatgirls who keep me rolling on the floor in uncontainable mirth. LoveYouKThx.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but an unhealthy obsession with the TwiBoys, G. Butler, and chex mix. **_

* * *

_**We're half way there  
Livin on a prayer  
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear  
Livin on a prayer  
-Bon Jovi**_

**Alice**

**May 16th**

I breathed in deeply as I walked in through the front door of my house, the smell of deliciousness wafting to meet me as I threw my caramelized apron onto the hallway floor and skipped into the kitchen.

Jasper stood there, quietly humming along to the radio that played beside him as he stirred something on the stove.

I went behind him, wrapping my arms tightly around his torso as I inconspicuously smelled his shirt.

"Hey darlin'," he laughed and brought one of my hands up to softly kiss my palm. "You're home early."

"They had to cut back on labor." I explained as I placed a soft kiss between his shoulder blades – the highest place I could reach – and then let go of him to pull myself up on the counter beside the stove, letting my feet get some much needed rest.

"I see." He said with a smirk as he moved the skillet off the burner and turned the fire off.

"You didn't have to cook."

"Well…" He stepped sideways and I opened my legs for him to stand between. "Honestly, if we had pizza or Chinese one more time I might have turned into a pepperoni eggroll."

I blanched at the idea and he laughed, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on the tip of my scrunched up nose.

"Besides, it was frozen stir-fry, really not that difficult."

I laughed and hopped down off the counter, grabbing two plates and a set of forks before pushing him out of the way and motioning with my head for him to sit down.

He watched me carefully as I piled both of our plates high with the sweet smelling dinner and then joined him at the table where he sat with two cans of soda.

"I saw Bella today…" He started after a few minutes of peaceful silence. I froze with the fork halfway to my mouth, looking up at him as he stared down at his plate.

"Where?" I asked, finally composing myself and shoving the forkful of food into my mouth, not really caring at the moment how bad my manners must look. Besides, it was only Jasper.

"At the hospital…"

"Is she okay?" I asked quickly, cutting him off and dropping my fork down to the plate where it landed with a clang.

"She's fine Ali…" Jasper laughed lightly and then reached over with his finger to gently close my mouth which had somehow come to be hanging wide open. "She was visiting Edward."

"Oh," was my brilliant response as I picked up my fork and stabbed at the food before me more vehemently than I probably should have.

This is getting ridiculous Alice." Jasper sighed loudly and I looked up to find him again intrigued by the rice and red peppers he was pushing around his plate. "She's your best friend."

"She hurt me." I snapped, but I instantly regretted it when I saw him flinch slightly from my tone.

"Look, I know she made a mistake. Hell Alice, she knows she made a mistake. But this is life, those happen. Trust me."

I remained silent and tried to pick at the food, no longer feeling very hungry. I didn't want to do this. I hated the idea of even fighting with Jasper. And besides that, I knew he was right. I was being ridiculous. And whether he wanted to believe it or not, I knew that I needed to apologize.

I just couldn't.

"I'm not saying you need to do anything about it right now Alice." He finally said, breaking me out of my self-induced stupor. "I'm just saying that sooner or later you're going to need her and I know she already needs you. Don't push her too far away. You'll end up regretting it."

I nodded my head as I looked up to meet his deep blue gaze. The hurt that was reflecting out of his eyes was almost palpable. It made me want to lunge across the table and demand to know what the hell was wrong with him and who had committed such an act of treason. To think that anyone could even think of hurting someone so pure and good made me want to punch them in the teeth – whoever 'them' was.

We finished our dinner in the comfortable silence that had often come to settle over us. It was odd how right it felt as Jasper and I stood side by side in front of the sink, hand washing my dishes as Jasper cracked short jokes and I splashed him with soapy suds and blew bubbles in his hair.

We laughed until our sides hurt, before finally collapsing together on the couch, watching CSI reruns and eating ice cream straight out of the carton.

The next thing I know, I'm waking up with my head in Jasper's lap as the phone rang out shrilly through the house. I jumped up and grabbed the cordless just as the answering machine picked up.

"Hello?" I asked breathlessly into the receiver.

"Hey Alice."

"Um…hi?" I said, though it came out as more of a question.

"This is Ben." He said and the paused with a deep breath. "Ben Cheney, Angela's husband."

"Oh…yeah." I replied hesitantly.

"Look, um…Angela went into labor a few hours ago. She uh…she wanted me to call you. Alice, she feels terrible about this, about all of it."

I didn't say anything. I just held the phone close to my ear. I heard Ben breathe deeply on the other line and I knew he was waiting for me to say something, anything, I just didn't know what.

Jasper's arms were suddenly around me, pulling me close to him as I stood in the kitchen. I leaned into his touch as Ben started talking again.

"We love you Alice. We loved Jack. We tried to come by and call, but every time we did we knew it would hurt you just a little bit more. To know that we still had what you had lost. We've never dealt with something like this; we didn't know what to say. And when that happens it's usually best to not say anything at all. But we were wrong; we should have been there for you. And for that we will always be sorry. We can never take back the time that we wasted, but we can sure as hell start again."

I nodded without thinking and then took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "You're right Ben." I finally choked out. "I'm sorry too."

He chuckled lightly on the other end of the line and I heard a few voices in the background. "Look, Alice she's six centimeters dilated…she wanted me to call and see if you'd come. I mean, we completely understand if you'd rather…"

"I'll be right there." I cut him off.

He laughed and recited off the hospital and room number to me and I hung up. Jasper smiled at me as I reached up to wipe away the tears that had slowly begun to trail down my cheeks and were currently contradicting the grin on my face.

"I'll drive." Jasper laughed and grabbed our jackets off the chair next to him, holding mine out to me.

**XxxxxX**

The hospital waiting room was cold and the chairs were hurting my ass. Jasper on the other hand was passed out in the corner lying along three chairs, his head resting on our rolled out jackets.

His soft, deep breaths were filling the air around me as I paced back and forth in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors that overlooked the parking lot.

Every time the swinging doors would open I would turn on my heel; each time a little more disappointment setting in when a nurse in scrubs would walk through and the doors would close behind her.

I bit my nails and cracked my knuckles, playing nervously with the hem of my shirt. I downed another cup of coffee halfway through the night as I continued to wear a hole in the floor.

I was on my fifty-second or so rotation past the windows when I felt Jasper's arms wrap around me and pull me down into the chair I hadn't sat in since we first walked in the doors.

"What's taking so long?" I grumbled and I felt Jasper's laugh shake us both.

"Babies take time Ali." He chuckled and tightened his arm around my middle. I sighed and let myself relax back against him since we first got here.

Before I could get too comfy however, the doors opened again and Ben walked out. His hair was disheveled and his jaw was dark with unshaven stubble. He looked dead on his feet.

I jumped up quickly and felt Jasper slide further off the chair from my sudden disappearance.

"Is she okay? How's the baby? What is it?" I asked quickly as I rocked back forth on the balls of my feet.

Ben laughed and threw a glance to Jasper who stood behind me. "Angela and the baby are both fine. And Ang wants to see you."

I squealed and before I could stop myself, threw myself at Ben, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing his jaw quickly.

I could feel his chest reverberating with laughter and his arms came up to wrap around me, as he swayed us back and forth slightly. "Welcome back Alice. We've missed you."

"Me too."

**XxxxxX**

"She's so pretty." I sighed as I ran my hand over the tufts of blonde fine baby hair again, pressing them flat and watching them spring right back up.

Angela smiled from where she sat with Ben on the hospital bed, looking entirely tuckered out and yet extremely satisfied. I could tell she had never been happier.

I shifted on Jasper's lap and he reached out to take the baby into the crook of his left arm while the other held me around my waist to keep from falling off.

"I really can go ask for another chair." Ben said, but I shook my head without looking up from the baby.

"It's no problem Ben." Jasper assured him as I let my finger trace down the chubby, pink baby cheek.

"There was…well there was a reason I wanted you to be here other than moral support." Angela spoke up and I looked over to where she sat, for once not hiding the smile on my face.

"You mean I'm not the closest thing to family you two have within a 2 hour distance?" I laughed and they joined in.

"True, but…well, we've been thinking and we wanted to make sure it was alright with you first. And don't be afraid to tell us if it's not but…"

"Just tell me Ang." I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Well, we kind of want to name her Jacklyn Alice Cheney."

I stopped playing with the baby then, looking up to see both Ben and Angela watching me hesitantly, gauging my reaction.

"I mean, Jack was the reason Angela and I even met." Ben added hastily when I didn't answer right away.

"No…" I cut him off. "No, that's…absolutely wonderful. I would love that." I smiled as the tears started flowing down my face and I hopped off of Jasper's lap, leaving the baby nestled in his arms as I threw myself at one of my best friends.

Angela's tears started falling with my own as we embraced each other, laughing and crying and making up for the lost time I had put between us.

"Oh Al. I've missed you so much." She half sobbed, half laughed.

"I've missed you too." I said as I kissed her cheek. "Both of you."

Ben nodded and I reached over to pull him into an awkward sort of group hug as his wife and I sat on the hospital bed and he stood beside it.

"But I'm back now, and I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

**_A/N: Review for a sneak peek! And know that when I get lots of reviews, I can't help but give into the commands of "update soon!" _**  
**Besos!**


	13. Please Don't Get Me Rescued

_**A/N: Hey everyone. So a few things before I send you on your merry way in to Chapter 13. First off, This story was originally started for a friend. But somewhere around chapter 3 it evolved and changed and this is what it became. Secondly, This chapter has a lemon. I know that some of my readers are young and that they might not appreciate reading the sex scene. Thus I put it between the X's. So if you want to skip it, go right ahead. I trust your judgement. And lastly, I have no lastly. It just sounded good. **_

_**Thanks to Haley for the betajob. and my chat girls. for being...you. Over. **_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but an unhealthy obsession with the Cullen men and amazing stalker skillz. **_

_**Note: Reader discretion is advised.  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**Oh, say you'll miss me one last time  
I'll be strong, but whatever you do  
Please don't get me rescued...**_

_**Cause I'm feeling like  
I might need to be near you  
And I feel alright, so please  
Don't get me rescued.  
-Jack's Mannequin**_**_. _**

**Alice POV**

**June 2nd **

"I really wish I didn't have to go." Emmett sighed as he hoisted another bag into the back of his jeep. He had called me early this morning and told me that his boss in San Diego had wanted to see him last minute and he had agreed to go, if only to keep his job. I knew as well as anyone else that Emmett could very well open up his own computer programming business and make a fortune, but he wasn't the kind of person to do that. He was old reliable.

"It's okay Em, really." I assured him for what felt like the hundredth time as I sat on the hood of Rosalie's car as she flitted around, making sure everything was packed and where it needed to be. "I understand."

"It's not okay though Alice. Really, you're only gonna turn twenty-four once."

"Not if I can help it." I laughed and scooted off the edge of the hood, landing on my feet. "Really, go, have fun, take care of business and then come back and we'll go out."

He sighed again and closed the back of his jeep with enough force to rattle the windows.

"Well, at least let me give you your present early then." He grumbled and walked towards the front of the jeep where Rosalie was busy checking things off of a list she had attached to a clip board. It didn't surprise me one bit that Rose was going with him. Ever since school had let out for the summer her days had consisted of two things: sex and trying to make me feel better with 'girl time'.

Needless to say, I wasn't sad she was getting a much needed vacation.

Emmett's face was wary as he reached over the console and opened the glove box, pulling out a small, square, white box that was tied neatly with a thin red ribbon across the top.

"I…uh...well I hope you like it." He said as he slid easily out of the monstrous jeep and handed me the package before shoving his hands deep in his pockets.

I smirked up at him, knowing that Rosalie probably picked it out and he really had no idea what was inside or if I really would like it or not. Men.

I slowly undid the bow on top and then lifted the cover off, staring down at the present that lay situated upon a bed of white fluffy cotton.

My breath caught in my throat and I felt the tears spring to my eyes, already threatening to spill over and I had only just laid eyes on my gift. But it was enough.

My hands trembled as I reached out to run a shaky finger down the length of the mood ring that I hadn't seen in over a year.

It was so stupid, and yet, I remembered it as if it were only yesterday.

"_God Ali-cat, I was stupid. Can you ever forgive me?" He asked, looking up through his fair lashes and pulling his eyebrows close together. _

"_Jack this wasn't just you being a stupid horny man. You lost your wedding ring. On a boy's night out!" I snapped through gritted teeth, trying to keep my volume and my anger level down so as not to draw too much attention to us in the crowded emergency room. _

"_I know." _

"_And what's worse is that you lied to me. I had to find out the truth from Emmett." I continued. "I had to hear it from my brother that you took it off when you went out to a club when you told me you were going to play basketball. Jack how do I know you haven't lied to me other times when you told me you were doing something?" _

"_You don't." He said bluntly, looking up and turning the full force of his bright green eyes on me. "But you have to trust me that I wouldn't lie to you. You have to believe that it was a stupid mistake that happened one time and that just so happened to be the one time that I lost my ring. Alice you have to love me enough to know that I would never intentionally hurt you. Ever." _

_We were silent as we stared each other down, ignoring the curious glances from the man who had shot himself in the foot with a staple gun and the woman with the child who had stuck a rock up his nose. _

"_I'm sorry." He finally breathed. _

_I didn't say anything else but nodded my head and stood up, grabbing my purse from the chair beside me and taking off down the hallway back toward the front doors. _

_I could feel Jack's gaze on me as I rounded the corner and went out the front doors of the hospital and walked through the parking lot until I got to the diner that sat across from the huge building. I had been here before, Bella's emergency room excursions always left her hungry and they had great pie._

_I smiled at the waitress as I walked in and shook my head, holding up my wallet and walking towards the little gumball machines that stood near the door. _

_I dug in my wallet until I found a few quarters and stuck them into the machine in front of me. I twisted the knob and grabbed the little egg out of the flap door, smiling as I held it up in front of my face. _

_Perfect. _

"It's perfect Emmett." I finally choked out.

"It was in his things and I…well Rosalie had it put on a chain for you. We thought you'd like that."

I nodded my head, and bit my lip, trying-and failing- to keep the tears at bay.

Emmett stepped forward, wrapping his arms tightly around me and crashing me into his chest. I pulled back once I got my tears under control, using the back of my wrist to swipe at my cheeks as I smiled at Emmett and pulled the necklace out of its box

"A little help?" I asked, holding it up. He nodded and I turned around to let him fasten the chain around my neck as I fingered the ring that hung on the end.

He didn't know it, but it really was the most perfect gift I had ever received.

_**OooooO**_

I smiled at the maître d' as Jasper slipped my jacket off of my shoulders, his hands ghosting along my bare shoulders before finally getting it all the way off.

"Reservations for two." Jasper said in a low voice as he handed off my jacket.

"Name?"

"Hale."

The host nodded and marked something down on the paper in front of her before grabbing two black folders and motioning for us to follow her.

It hadn't surprised me really when Jasper showed up at the coffee shop and spoke cryptically of a birthday dinner he had planned. Of course, he hadn't told me how he knew it was my birthday either, but I had a feeling a little blonde bird might have slipped him the information.

But apparently, she did it a long time ago.

Which would explain how we had gotten reservations to 'le beau chateau' one of the hottest new restaurants in Seattle.

Jasper was dressed to perfection in a black tuxedo, the color making his nearly unbearable blue eyes shine even more brightly.

He looked like an angel.

He pulled my chair out as we got to the table and I sat down as gracefully as I could in the tight black dress I had shoved myself into. Jasper smiled as he walked around the table and sat across from me, smoothing out the wrinkles on his starch white shirt as he did.

"This is…this is amazing Jazzy." I said as a waiter appeared and poured us each a glass of water from a clear glass pitcher. "I've never been somewhere so…nice."

Jasper looked up, a confused smile on his face. "You've never been somewhere this nice? You're kidding me."

I shook my head and perused the menu.

I shouldn't have been surprised when the waiter reappeared and Jasper ordered in perfect French. I shouldn't have been surprised but I still couldn't keep the awe off of my face and I laughed as I saw the pink tint creep into his cheeks when he saw my stare.

I blubbered on like a fool, trying to read the menu enough to order something I'd be able to eat without gagging, until finally Jasper laughed and pulled the menu out of my grasp. He scanned it quickly and ordered something, his voice smooth and crisp.

The waiter nodded his head and disappeared, leaving Jasper and me alone by candlelight.

"So is there anything else about you that I should know about?" I asked after a few moments of mildly awkward silence. I had no idea why we chose this moment to become tense in each other's presence when for the past two months our friendship had grown and evolved into something more. Though we never actually came out and addressed it, I knew he felt it too.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I had no idea you could speak French…"

He chuckled and took a drink of his water. "My mom insisted we learn it when we were younger. Rosalie was the language prodigy. She took so many lessons when she was younger. She can speak French, German and Spanish fluently and I think she's working on learning Mandarin."

"Wow." I breathed. "So do you speak anything else?"

"I can count to ten in German and I have a fairly good hold of the Spanish language, if you go slow and forgive my pronunciation."

I laughed as Jasper showed me his German skills and then tried to tell me where the restroom was in Spanish until we were interrupted by the waiter's return. He smiled as he set the bucket of ice down by the table and poured us each a glass.

"Happy Birthday Alice." Jasper smiled across the table from me.

Our meal was spent in easy chatter as we tried each other's plates and I begged to trade with Jasper instead of finishing my own. He rolled his eyes but obliged and I ate and drank until I knew that if I moved one inch in the wrong direction I would rip the dress at the seams and the wine had begun to make my head fuzzy.

It was then that I pushed the plate as far away from me as I could – though I kept my wineglass in hand – and sat back against the chair behind me, scanning the restaurant until my eyes landed on the dance floor situated in the corner where a few couples were dancing to music I couldn't hear from where I sat. The windows that stood beside them looked out over the water and the moon reflected through, making the scene before me one of magnificence and beauty.

"Alice…" I shook my head and turned to see Jasper looking at me with a furrowed brow. "You okay? I lost ya there for a bit."

I laughed and nodded my head. "Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking."

Jasper didn't push it but he reached into the lapel of his jacket and pulled out a thick white envelope and passed it over to me.

"What is this?" I asked warily, leaning forward to take it from him.

"It's your birthday present." He grinned. "Well one of them at least."

I narrowed my eyes but took it anyway and leaned back in my chair, using my finger to open the flap on the back, pulling out the wad of papers that was inside.

"You got me…a newspaper?" I asked, scanning over the issue of the Seattle Weekly he had shoved in there.

"Well, not really, no." He nodded his head to the table and I looked down to see a folded piece of white computer paper had slipped out.

I sighed and picked it up, unfolding it and reading over the print on the page with a frown on my face.

_**Dear Mrs. Alice Cullen, **_

_**On behalf of the Seattle Weekly I would like to thank you for sending in your article, "True Confessions of an Army Wife" and on behalf of the staff and readers here at Seattle Weekly we would like to extend an offer to feature more of your writing in future papers. Looking forward to hearing from you. **_

_**Jimmy P. Woodchamber**_

"I….Did you send this in?" I asked, shaking my head.

He didn't answer right away and I looked up to see him staring down at his plate. I automatically realized my mistake and I pushed my chair back, standing up to walk around the table and throw my arms around him from behind.

"I love it Jazzy. I'm just trying to figure out how you did all this." I whispered against his mop of blonde hair.

I felt him chuckle and he reached up to pull my arms away from his neck before standing up and smiling down at me.

"I hope you don't mind… Bella gave it to me." He paused then, watching my face. I sighed and nodded my head, encouraging him to continue. "I…well when you told me you had a major in journalism I got curious. When I ran into Bella at the hospital I asked her about it and she told me that I'd have to talk to you. But she…well she told me she had a few things you had written and she didn't think you'd mind too much if she gave me one of them. It was so beautifully written Alice and I told one of my colleagues about it and he told me about the internship they always give away this time of year at the Weekly. I just…I thought you'd enjoy it, but I sent them a letter telling them not to print it until they had confirmation from you and…"

I shook my head and leaned up to press my lips to his, effectively stopping the flow of words that were tumbling from his lips.

"I love it. And thank you. It's more than I could have ever dreamed of." I breathed as I pulled away.

He smiled and dipped his head down to rest his forehead against mine. "Come on, let's dance."

I nodded and let him lead me over to the dance floor by the windows. We laughed as we danced and stopped every now and then to return to our table for a breather, finishing off another bottle of wine in the process. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was glad he had thought to call a cab to get us here instead of one of us trying to drive home, but as we floated around the dance floor I couldn't help but live in the moment and enjoy every second of this amazing birthday.

The restaurant had started to clear out and Jasper was trying to tug me off of the dance floor and back to our table, but I was holding on steadfastly, digging my feet in and pleading for one more dance.

After several minutes of fruitless arguing he relented and pulled me back to him effortlessly. I giggled and made a mental note, which I knew I'd forget, to never drink that much pinot noir again just as the speakers above us started playing Michael Buble.

**Other dancers may be on the floor  
Dear, but my eyes will see only you  
Only you have that magic technique  
When we sway I go weak**

**I can hear the sounds of violins  
Long before it begins  
Make me thrill as only you know how  
Sway me smooth, sway me now**

Jasper twirled me around the dance floor, performing a cross-body lead and seamlessly leading into a double spin. I Found myself wrapped up in his arms as he dipped me backwards and the pulled me up again

I couldn't keep the grin off of my face as I ended up back where I started, flush against his body with his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Happy Birthday Ali." He said again as he dipped his head down low to press a kiss against my lips.

**OoooooO**

The cab ride home was the most fun I had ever had in a cab as I recounted the tale to the cab driver of how the managers of the restaurant had finally come out to the house to tell us that they were closing and we had to go.

By the time we got back to my house I had long been consumed by giggles and somehow my shoes had ended up off my feet and in Jasper's hands.

"I'll be right back." Jasper said to the cabdriver, but I shook my head and reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet and toss some money at the driver.

"He's staying here it's okay." I declared and I felt Jasper tense beside me.

"Alice I don't think that…"

"Shut up." I commanded sternly but then snorted and grabbed his hand to pull him with me to the front door.

I was halfway there when I tripped over the stupid sprinkler that Jack had installed last summer. I cursed as I felt my toe start throbbing and I sat down on the ground, tears welling up in my eyes.

"What happened?" Jasper asked, kneeling down next to me.

"Fucking Jack happened." I spat and then I held my foot up in front of me. "I think it's broken doc."

He chortled and then reached out in the darkness to gently grasp my foot, falling from his kneeling position in the process. I laughed at him and he glared as his hands grasped my thigh firmly. I felt my eyes widen and my skin tingled.

His hands gently slid down my leg, light as a feather until he cupped my tiny size five foot in his hand. "I think it's just stubbed honey."

"Kiss it and make it better." I teased, trying to control my breathing.

He smirked and leaned down to press his lips to the tip of my big toe making the rest of them curl in the process. Oh God.

He let go of me then and hoisted himself up to his feet. He was quite steady on his feet and he reached his hand out to me. I giggled as I remembered the last time he had tried to help me up, but took his hand and let him pull me to my feet.

He quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside, flipping on the light switch in the hallway as I cringed when my eyes started adjusting.

"I need coffee." I muttered and I stumbled past the living room into the kitchen to start up the machine. I could feel the alcohol from the wine leaving me already and I grimaced when I thought about how bad of a hangover I was bound to have in the morning.

I grabbed the filters out of the cabinet and stuck one into the coffee pot and then opened the cabinet beside the fridge, looking for the can of Maxwell's and then cursing when I remembered I had thrown it out empty this morning.

I sighed and walked over to the pantry, walking inside and trying to locate the blessed blue can of caffeine.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." I cursed when I saw it balanced precariously on the very top shelf.

I stood on my tiptoes and stretched my arms out as far as I could, not even remembering how I had managed to get it up that high in the first place.

I was just about to give up and go grab a chair from the kitchen table when I felt Jasper behind me. His hands grasped my waist and he lifted me up until my fingers grasped the can and I pulled it to me.

"Thanks Hercules." I teased as he set me back down on my feet and I turned to give him a smile.

He nodded his head, his face serious as he stepped back out of the pantry and went to lean against the cabinet beside the stove.

I could feel his eyes on me as I filled the coffee machine up with water and flipped the switch. Turning around to find that he was, indeed, staring at me.

"What?" I asked self-consciously, staring at my feet.

"What are we Alice?" He asked quietly and I looked up to find him staring at me intently.

I swallowed and bit my lip. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…" He said as he pushed away from the counter and walked closer to me. "That I can't get enough of you Alice, and even if it means staying here, with you, as nothing but your replacement best friend. I'll do it."

His body was so close to mine, I could smell his soap and deodorant and that vague hint of cinnamon that always seemed to surround him.

"Just tell me what you need Alice." He breathed and I closed my eyes, leaning further into him.

"I…I need you Jasper." I barely whispered as I closed the distance between us and grabbed on to him for dear life.

I felt his arms wrap around me and he clung to me just as desperately as I was clinging to him. He hoisted me higher, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as I devoured his lips. I felt his tongue dart out and I opened my mouth easily, granting him the admittance he wanted.

**XxxxxX**

I moaned against his mouth when I felt his erection press against the thin fabric of my panties and I ground myself against him.

"Alice…" He stopped, pulling backwards to look me in the eyes. "Only if you want this."

"I want this." I said forcefully and I pulled his head back to mine as I recaptured his lips.

His hands explored me, burning through the fabric of my too tight dress with each rough placement of his hands. This was different than it had been with Jack, where each movement seemed strategically planned; like he would break me if he pushed too hard or touched me the wrong way.

I pulled away from his lips and he continued on, placing kisses and biting at the soft flesh on my neck as I tilted my head back, allowing him more access. I could feel the nips he was placing as he moved his mouth down to my collarbone and my panties were soaked through. Suddenly, there were far too many clothes between us.

I let go of his head and brought my hand down between us to push him away slightly. He pulled back slightly, staring at me as I slid down him and turned around.

I didn't have to say anything as his hands worked feverishly to unzip the dress and I pulled my arms out, letting it fall to the floor in a pool of black silk at my feet.

I turned around and Jasper took me in, his eyes lingering over the dark purple lace of my bra and panty set, before he opened his arms back up to me. I nearly catapulted myself back into his embrace and he spun me around so that my nearly bare ass rested on the cold marble countertop.

I let go of him as he slid his suit jacket off and let it fall to the floor. My breathing was ragged as I reached up to loosen his tie and he pushed my hands away gently, undoing the knot around his throat faster than I could have even imagined.

He smirked as he threw the tie to the ground and put a hand on either side of my thighs, leaning in to place more love bites on my collarbone as he slowly pushed my bra straps off of my shoulders.

I placed a kiss on the top of his head and my hands drifted down to the top button on his shirt. My fingers were shaking and I was having a hard time not being able to see it, when Jasper sat up and pushed my hands away again.

"Leave it on." He growled, the sound making me drip, and I nodded incoherently.

His hands wrapped around me and I felt his thumbs latch on to my bra hooks and slide them easily apart from each other, releasing me from the confines of the purple lace contraption.

He didn't waste any time as he moved from my collarbone to my naked breasts, his fingers tweaked my left nipple while his mouth latched on to my right, sucking, pulling and licking.

I moaned loudly and let my head fall back realizing only too late my mistake as my head collided with the cabinet behind me.

I cried out and Jasper kissed his way back up to my face grinning as he pulled my legs around his waist and pulled me off the counter top, twisting us around as he slid me easily onto the kitchen table.

He leaned in to me but I shook my head and pulled away, a devious smile crossing my lips as I let my hand glide from the top of his blonde head to the sharp line of his jaw. "You are wearing entirely too much."

He sighed and leaned in again, a smirk on his full lips as he grabbed my hand where it hovered over the buttons on his shirt and stopped it.

"Here." He said and he directed my hands to the button on his pants. "Only here."

I nodded my head slowly and looked down to the button on his pants, using both of my hands to undo the button and slide them down past his hips.

He let out a sharp exhale as I pulled his boxers down with his black dress pants, springing his erection free as his pants fell past his knees.

Before I could think I reached out and grabbed him in my hand, wondering in the velvety soft skin of his shaft as I pumped my hand up and down.

Jasper hissed in pleasure and clenched his hands into fists on either side of me, leaning on to the table even more and bending forward to rest his forehead against my shoulder as I continued to work my hand on his cock.

"Alice…Alice stop." He said and I felt his dick tighten even more in my grasp.

I obliged and let my hand travel to his balls, squeezing and teasing before he pulled my hand away quickly.

My breath whooshed out of me as he pushed me backwards against the hard oak table and I felt my back collide with the surface, hard. He used one hand to pin my wrists above my head as the other hand came to my swollen clit, rubbing vigorously.

"Oh…God…Oh…" I screamed out and writhed under his touch. "Jasper I need you in me."

"Patience." He grunted and I felt two fingers dip inside of me, pushing in deep before pulling out almost as quick.

I felt my eyes roll back in my head and I think I muttered something like "fuck" as I pushed my hips out and shimmied my ass toward the end of the table, toward his penis.

I felt his hand on my wrists tighten and his other hand – his fingers wet with my juices – grab my hips to hold them still.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing, and attempted to keep my heart in my chest where it was supposed to be. I failed, miserably.

I let out a shrill shriek as I felt Jasper's hot mouth on my tit, his teeth ribbing my nipple as he hummed softly in the back of his throat, the motion vibrating my skin and eliciting several more loud moans from my throat.

"Jazz…" I gasped, reaching a hand up to run my fingers through his hair as his fingers thrust in and out of me and I pushed myself against his hand as much as my restraining position would allow.

He lifted his head up then, his deep blue gaze filled with emotion, meeting my eyes. "Say it again." He whispered and he pulled his fingers away completely, moving to hover directly over me.

"Jazz." I breathed as I searched his face.

His lips slowly turned up into that devastating half grin, exposing the dimples on his cheeks as he positioned himself at my entrance, his tip teasing me.

"I need you. Now." I commanded, my voice weak with desperation. He nodded and I heard the metal of his necklaces, that were still tucked in under his buttoned up shirt, clank together as he moved over me even more.

He let go of my wrists and I reached up to run my hands through his silky soft hair that was damp with sweat.

"Are you sure…" I cut him off as I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him frantically, letting go of his head with one hand to reach between us and guide his length into my core.

He didn't push my hand away this time and let me push his dick into my pussy. It was like the world had shifted as soon as I felt him within me, as cliché as that sounds. My head was no longer connected to my body and every nerve ending in my body felt like it had been lit on fire.

He grabbed on to my thighs roughly and bent down to place each leg on one of his shoulders. My ass was hanging off the table and his rough hands grabbed onto my bare cheeks, holding me in place as he plunged into me repeatedly, harder each time.

I screamed out over and over again, his name mixing with both curses and praise as the words flew from my lips and my hands grasped on to the fabric of his shirt, pulling him into me as much as I could. My fingernails dug through the thin layer of cloth that hung from his back, drenched in sweat, and I could feel the hard sinew

I took in every inch of his length, milking it as my body writhed on the kitchen table below him until finally we both came together. He breathed out my name as I went limp underneath his chest and let my legs slide off of his shoulders, dangling off the table, swinging to and fro.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in every bit of the sweet, salty, tangy scent of Jasper until my senses were saturated with him.

Jasper leaned across me. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest as both mine and his began to even out until they were pounding in a steady rhythm; the sound resounding in my ears and filling the quiet around us with a sense of peace.

I closed my eyes and I felt Jasper's lips place feather soft kisses on my cheeks and my nose and my eyelids. So very different from the rough treatment I had just experienced only minutes before.

"Alice…" He whispered, his lips against my forehead. "Let's get you up to bed."

I mumbled something and I heard him chuckle as he pulled away from me. I groaned and I heard the rustling of fabric and the sound of a zipper before I felt his arms grasp me underneath my knees and my shoulders.

The surface disappeared from beneath me, but I was far too tired and spent to care as I snuggled deeper into Jasper's arms.

**XxxxxX**

The feeling of fluttering on my stomach roused me from my slumber. I swiped a hand at the tickling culprit only to be met by something grabbing on to my hand and pulling it up.

"Alice wake up."

"No…" I groaned, recognizing Jasper's voice through the pounding in my head and the ringing in my ears. I knew as soon as I opened my eyes I'd be hit with a severe case of vertigo. Though I could see through my closed eyelids that the room was still dark and for that I was thankful.

"Ali, please. I want to see your eyes before I leave."

I felt my brow furrow as I tried to process his words and then suddenly, like a ton of bricks, it hit me.

My eyes flew open and I was met by a dark room, though I could see Jasper hovering over me; a smile on his lips.

I swallowed thickly and raised a hand up to my head.

"I got called in for a shift…I left some ibuprofen on the bedside table and um…a glass of water."

I nodded my head and held back the grimace that threatened to play across my face. "Thanks." I mumbled weakly when I realized he was waiting for an answer.

"Welcome." He smiled and then leaned in to kiss me firmly on the lips. "I don't know how long I'll be gone but I'll call you."

"Okay." I croaked and I watched him stand up from the bed, stretching his muscles out before walking to the door.

He winked at me before walking out of my bedroom door, shutting it behind him. I waited until I heard the front door shut behind him and his car start up and drive away, the sound fading into the background before I sprung out of bed, ignoring the pain that was radiating through my head.

I felt the tears on my cheeks and tasted them on my lips as I threw on the first thing I could find and grabbed my duffel bag out from under my bed, throwing random articles of clothing in it as soon as my hand touched them. I could hardly see through the tears by the time I zipped it up and flung the strap over my shoulder, heading out of my door.

I didn't bother to leave a note or clean up our mess from last night, practically sprinting to my car in my haste to get the fuck out of there.

I couldn't believe I had let myself do that. I had let my walls fall and I had let myself get too close. The guilt of what I had done ripped through me and I had a hard time controlling my sobs enough to see where I was going as I wove in and out of traffic. I couldn't decide which was worse, the fact that I had cheated on Jack, or that I couldn't make myself regret it.

I wrapped an arm tightly around myself as I drove through the light Seattle rain making my way across town before parking in the line for the Edmonds-Kingston ferry and letting the sobs overtake me.

I rested my head against the steering wheel, letting my tears fall to my lap as I attempted to comprehend the mess that was going through my mind.

Twenty minutes later, as I pulled my car onto the ferry and got out, heading toward the railing, I was cried out. I could feel that my eyes were red and swollen but I couldn't care enough to do anything about it.

The ferry finally docked at Kingston and I drove through the town, not really paying attention to anything. I knew I should stop and pull over to compose myself, but I didn't. I wanted to get as far away as I could, as fast as possible.

I stopped to get gas in Sequim and then drove on through. Three hours and twenty seven minutes of driving and I finally pulled off the 101 and onto the rough gravel driveway that led to the huge white house set back in the trees.

I sighed when I pulled to a stop in the circular driveway and put my car in park, turning it off.

I hadn't been here since before Jack died. My mom had insisted when we first moved into this house that it be different from the stuffy apartment we had lived in while my father was in medical school.

She had hated the limitedness that the two bedroom flat had left her with. She yearned for open spaces and bright colors. She got that with our house in Forks. I hadn't minded it. I actually loved living here. My room was on the second floor, the windows overlooking the garden behind the house and if I opened the window in my bathroom I could hear the sounds from the river behind us that ran at the edge of our property. I had been sad to leave this behind when I started college, but when I met Jack that same year I had given everything to him. I hardly made it home after we were married; my parents came to visit us more than they should have had to.

After Jack had died, I hadn't wanted to come back here. The light colors, the relaxed atmosphere, it had all exuded happiness; and happy I was not. I had avoided it at all costs, thinking that if I just locked myself in my house where I could draw the curtains over the windows to keep the sun out and forget that the days were even passing, that maybe, just maybe it'd be easier. I had been wrong. As I looked out of

the passenger side window and saw that the begonias were in full bloom in the flower boxes hanging off the porch railing.

I got out of the car slowly, pulling my duffel bag out of the backseat and shifting it onto my shoulder. My footsteps were heavy as I climbed up onto the porch and raised my hand to knock on the door. I halfheartedly hoped as I pounded on the heavy door that no one would be home. That my mom would be out at some garden club or having brunch with her friends and I could just grab the spare key out of the grill on the deck in the back. But no sooner had my fist collided with the door that it was flung open and my mom had her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

"Mary Alice…my baby, what are you doing here?" She asked, letting go to hold me out at arm's length.

I smiled and set my duffel bag down by my feet. "Can't a girl come visit her mommy and daddy every once in a while?" I teased lightly.

"Well…of course." Mom said as she reached up to brush her hand down my cheek. "I'm so glad you're here. Now come inside and tell me what's wrong."

She bent down and picked up my duffel bag and smiled at me over her shoulder as she walked in to the house and I followed.

She didn't say another word, leading me into the kitchen and pouring us both cups of coffee and placing a plate of oatmeal raisin cookies in the middle of the table.

Her silence continued as she slid the sugar bowl towards me and dumped a load of cream into her own mug.

I smiled at her as I put four heaping tablespoons of sugar in and laughed as I remembered how Jasper had reacted the first time I told him how much sugar I wanted.

"_No wonder you're always so hyper Ali, you're livin' off a caffeine buzz and a sugar high." _He had teased. I stopped short, my laugh cutting off when I saw my mom's smile from across the table.

"It's been far too long since I've heard that sound peanut." My mom said, reaching across the table to grab my hand in hers. "You don't know how much I've missed it."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I nodded. "I missed it too. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." She said, a few tears escaping down her cheeks.

I got up swiftly and moved around the table, hugging my mom as tightly to me as I could. It felt good to have her arms around me. To have my mom stroking my hair and kissing my cheeks like she used to do when I was younger and the world was nothing but an infinite playground at my dispense.

I let her hold me, relishing the feeling of not having to be in control for that small amount of time. Reverting back to my childhood when a hug from mom would make everything better and there was nothing I loved more than the feel of my daddy's scratchy cheeks against my own when he would give me kisses.

I pulled back after a while and moved to the chair beside my mom, pulling my coffee to me and sucking it in.

"So…are you ready to tell me now?" My mom finally spoke after I had finished three oatmeal raisin cookies and my coffee was grainy with undissolved sugar at the bottom of my mug.

"Tell you what…" I started to ask but one look from my mom, her eyebrow raised stopped me mid denial. "How'd you know?"

"Well…Emmett's been giving me weekly updates." She smirked. "And besides that, you show up on my doorstep at ten o'clock in the morning, red eyed and smelling like sex. Obviously something happened."

I shook my head. Of course I should have known my mom would know something was up. She was my mom for Christ's sakes. It was some kind of wicked sixth sense they developed when their children were in utero and they honed it as they grew older.

"Sweetie, if you aren't ready to tell me yet that's fine. But just know that I'm here for you. I love you, no matter what. And so does your father. We're glad you're back."

I nodded and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I'm gonna go take a shower and then take a nap." I said, standing up and heading to the sink. I knew I wouldn't be getting sleep any time soon.

"Leave it dear. I'll take care of it." She promised and then bit into the cookie she held in her hand. "And I have some things to take care of this morning and I don't know when I'll be back. But I have someone coming over this afternoon so if you could be a dear and answer the door if I'm not home."

"Of course mom." I said as I shouldered my bag again and headed towards the stairs.

I took a shower in my bathroom, the radio on the counter playing some upbeat dance tune as I let the almost scalding hot water wash over me and I scrubbed vigorously at my skin with a loofah. I couldn't decide though, who I was trying to wash from my body: Jasper and the kisses he had placed on my skin only hours earlier, or the memory of my late husband who refused to leave me.

When the shower water turned so cold I couldn't stand it any longer and my skin was a bright pink, I jumped out.

I slipped out into my room with a towel wrapped around my body. I didn't even bother opening my bag; instead, pulling the old worn sweatshirt out of my closet that had belonged to my dad in college.

I pulled on a pair of athletic shorts and slipped on a pair of fuzzy socks before jumping into my bed and pulling the covers up to my chin.

As I had expected I couldn't go to sleep. Despite my attempts to wash everything away I could still remember it. The vividness of Jasper's tongue on my flesh, his dick twitching inside of me, the way he smelled after he came. It was almost too much and I pulled one of my pillows around to cover my face, screaming into it until my throat was raw and my voice was hoarse.

The sun was shining through the windows on the south side of my room when I finally pulled myself out of bed and thudded downstairs. I poured myself a bowl of cap 'n' crunch and camped out on the living room couch, hoping my mom wouldn't come home to find me eating on her pristine white sofa. She'd murder me.

I watched every soap opera known to mankind and then moved on to reality courtroom shows as I ate through two more bowls of cereal and drank half a gallon of lemonade.

It was around two when I heard a car pull up and the door slam. I figured it was my mom so I didn't move from where I sat until I heard the knock on the door.

I heaved a sigh as I unfolded myself out from under the chiffon throw blanket and threw open the door, half expecting one of the ladies from the Washington wives guild to be standing there. I was wrong.

* * *

_**A/N: *ducks from the pitch forks* This story has been planned out since Chapter 3. So please, just trust me on this. All in due time. And please review and let me know what you think. I'd appreciate it. Plus you get a super awesome sneak peek with each review. And for those who don't know I have a thread for this story over on the Twilighted forums. I give away extra sneak peeks over there and we have a good time. It's free and easy to join and you make great friends! /shameless plugging. Review! Besos!**_


	14. Together We'll Mend Your Heart

**A/N: Please read the author's note at the bottom.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**These fancy things, will never come in between  
You're part of my entity, here for infinity  
When the war has took it's part  
When the world has dealt it's cards  
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart  
-Rihanna **

**Alice POV  
June 4th**

I stood there, the door halfway open, my jaw on the floor, just staring as if my brain had suddenly flown the coop.

"Umm…I'm sorry I didn't know you'd be here." She said quietly, looking down at her feet. "I'll just…I'll come back later."

She turned on her heel and was taking the steps back to her car two at a time, when I finally found my voice again. Or some semblance of it. "Bella, wait."

She stopped in her tracks and slowly pivoted back to face me, the familiar red blush I had grown to miss creeping up into her cheeks.

She didn't say anything, standing there, staring at me with her big doe eyes. I sucked in a large breath. I knew what I needed to do. I missed her. She was my best friend, my confidante, my support, my sister. And Jasper was right, I needed her.

"I'm sorry." I finally said. I could feel my lower lip trembling. "I'm sorry I was a bitch. I shouldn't have said what I did and I did it because I was jealous. And bitter. And I didn't want to lose you too Bella."

I looked down to my feet as I felt the hot tears in my eyes. I didn't want her to see me crying again. It wasn't fair to her, she'd put up with enough of that shit.

"Oh Al…" I heard her sigh and then, quicker than I would have thought possible her arms were around my neck and she was holding on to me tightly, a little too tightly.

"Can't breathe Bella." I choked out and she laughed quietly, letting go of me to step back and look at me.

"I'm sorry too Al. I was a jerk. I should have told you about Edward differently. I shouldn't have just sprung it on you like that."

I opened my mouth to argue but she shook her head, cutting me off. "No. We're both right here. We both did wrong."

I smiled and held my arms out to her again and she happily obliged, letting me pull her in for a tight hug.

"God, I missed you so much." I said and I felt her shake, either from laughter or tears I didn't know which.

"I've missed you too Al. You have no idea how hard this has been…I don't know the first thing about planning a wedding." I laughed and let go of her just as she let go of me.

"What are you doing here?" Another round of teary laughter was brought on as we asked the question simultaneously. God, it felt so good to have her back.

"You first." Bella commanded and I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself for the onslaught of emotions that were about to pummel me.

She must have sensed my hesitance because she tightened her hold on my hand and walked around me to pull me into the house, shutting the door behind her.

She let go long enough to take off her jacket and hang it up in the closet by the door and then she pulled me back to my perch on the sofa and sat down beside me.

"What happened?" She asked quietly, as though afraid to know the answer.

I steadied myself, willing the words to come. This was Bella, my Bella. My best friend. She was the only person I had told about my first time having sex in the back of Embry Call's Toyota my sophomore year of high school. She was also the only one who knew how awful it was. She was the first person I told when I realized I had fallen in love with Jack and one of the only few that knew we were getting married when we went on a 'road trip'. She was more than just my best friend, she was my sister.

So why couldn't I force the words out? Why did I not want to tell her?

I wanted to make myself believe that it was because I was ashamed of what I had done. That I had done something terrible and I didn't want her to know about it. But I couldn't even lie to myself.

"Oh my God." I jumped at the sound of Bella's voice as it carried through the quiet house. "Did he hurt you? Did he fucking hurt you? I swear to everything that is holy if he so much as…"

"No." I said quickly, trying to calm her down as her voice began to reach dangerous decibels. "He didn't….he didn't hurt me."

I raised my hand up quickly, biting my knuckle to keep the sob that threatened to escape inside. I knew Bella could see it though, and I also knew she was probably seething. And ready to kill. I needed to get a grip.

"Bella…I…I did something bad." I choked out and immediately her arms were around me, as she whispered soothing words into my hair and tried to console me.

"What did you do Al?" She asked softly, patiently.

I don't know how long it took me to actually stop the keening, ripping sounds that were heaving from my chest long enough to answer her. But when I finally did, it felt like the world had come crashing down on my shoulders and I couldn't bear the weight of it any longer.

I couldn't even look at Bella.

"What?" She asked after a few seconds of silence on both of our parts.

"I don't know why…I mean…"

"No, Alice I couldn't hear you over the dying animal sounds you were making." I snorted through my tears. Leave it to Bella to crack an 'Emmett joke' when he wasn't here to do it himself. "What did you say?"

I sniffed again and turned to face her, "I slept with him Bella. I slept with Jasper."

"And…?" She asked, her left eyebrow rising up.

"And what? I slept with him Bella. Like…had sex."

"Alice, I'm not twelve. I knew what you meant. Why are you so upset about it? Was it that bad? I never would have pegged him for a terrible fuck, that's a tragedy…"

"What? No Bella it was glorious." I said quickly, cutting her off as she rambled.

"Then what's the problem?" She asked, perplexed.

"The problem is that I just lost my husband…."

"No Alice…you didn't." She said softly, taking my face between her hands and forcing my eyes on her. "Jack's been gone over a year now. And honey, you lost him a long time before that…"

"I don't…I don't know what you're talking about." I stammered, trying to pull my face away from her. Knowing exactly where this conversation would go, and not exactly sure I wanted it to.

She must have sensed my need because she let go of my face to gently take my hands. "Al, you didn't do anything wrong. Trust me."

And I wanted to. My heart ached to trust that she was right and that I wasn't a horrible person. But my mind had other plans and the guilt was still there, reminding me that my husband had died and that I had just banged someone on our kitchen table.

I pulled myself away from the thought of Jasper inside of me and I tried my best to hide the pain as I changed the subject.

"What about you? What are you doing here? In Forks. At my parent's house."

She laughed at my abrupt subject change and leaned back against the couch, relaxing slightly.

"I only just got back to Washington actually." She said quietly.

"Where were you? Did you know Angela had her baby? And I'm fairly certain that things are a little more than serious with Emmett and Rose, she's practically living with him now and…"

"Alice…" Bella laughed, holding her hand up to cover my mouth.

I rolled my eyes but stopped talking. She let me go.

"I was…I was in Houston."

My breath caught in my throat and I turned to see her wringing her hands nervously.

"Houston as in…"

"Texas." She nodded grimly. "Edward had a medical convention to go to…I tagged along and tried to go shopping for wedding stuff. Tried being the operative word. I didn't do very well." She muttered. "And I…I saw Jack's parents."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes again as I thought about the Brandon's.

Patty "Don't call me Patricia" Brandon was beautiful inside and out. Jack had inherited his mother's bright green eyes and the beautiful blonde hair that hung down her back. She was everything I could have asked for in a mother-in-law and more. I was the daughter she never had, and she treated me accordingly.

Jack's father, Robert Brandon was stern looking and could scare the living daylights out of you with just one look. But as soon as he smiled and his dimples set into his cheeks you were a goner. Jack was the apple of his eye and he was a great father. Jack had once confided in me that he hoped he could be half the man his father was.

I hadn't seen them since the burial and memorial service.

"How…how are they?" I asked warily.

"You haven't talked to them?" Bella asked, her voice full of surprise and I knew that even if they were angry at me for not calling or coming to see them, they wouldn't have told Bella. They were far too good for that.

I shook my head and bit down on my bottom lip, the guilt and despair creeping up in me again and I felt lower than dirt.

"They aren't good Al." Bella said softly. "Patty's so torn up. She doesn't cook anymore, she hardly eats, she…she cut her hair off." I gasped and Bella nodded solemnly. "And Robert…he's not any better. I think…I think he started drinking."

I couldn't stop the overflow of tears and I was only vaguely aware of Bella's arms around me telling me it was okay, that it wasn't my fault. But I didn't listen to her. I couldn't and I vowed to myself right then and there that I would make this better. Whatever it took.

**XxxxxX**

"I'm so glad you guys are okay now." I woke up to my mom's soft voice and I uncurled myself from out of my fetal position on the couch, stretching my legs and trying to work the kink out of my neck.

"I am too." Bella answered softly.

The phone ringing brought their quiet conversation to a halt and I used the lull in their voices to escape to the downstairs bathroom.

I was washing my hands when a soft knock on the door made me jump and water splashed on the front of my shirt.

"Alice, it's for you peanut." My mom said through the door.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone." I sighed as I opened the door to find her holding the cordless out to me.

"Honey, it's the coffee shop…"

I groaned when I realized I hadn't given any notice when I left and I had been scheduled for a double shift today to make up for taking my birthday off.

"Shit." I muttered, earning a stern glance from my mother before I put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mary." I cringed at the use of my first name. "This is Becky from Radina's. I'm sorry to inform you of this but given the fact that this is your second no call/no show we've had to let you go."

"I…okay" I sighed in defeat.

"You can drop your apron off at any time and pick up your last paycheck then."

"Yeah, whatever." I conceded before hanging up quickly.

My mom looked at me with sad eyes and I fell into her arms, letting her hug me.

"You can stay here as long as you need baby. I just wish you would have told us how bad it was."

"I thought I could handle it. I'm an adult." I mumbled.

"Yes, you are. But you're still our baby. You always will be." My mom smiled and I knew she was right.

"Thanks mom."

"You're welcome. Now let's go, we have a wedding to plan." She laughed and I let her lead me back into the kitchen where my best friend sat waiting.

I tried not to put a damper on anyone's mood, but things were slowly beginning to fall apart. And I couldn't figure out why.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry that I didn't get sneak peeks sent out. I'm also sorry that it took so long to get this up and it was so short. I've been having a bad couple of days starting when my brand new computer went crazy. It's a long story but hopefully I can get it sorted out soon. Hopefully. Please, everyone keep your fingers crossed for me that it can get sorted out. ugh. I'm under a lot of stress at the moment and this isn't helping anything. I love you guys though so please don't think I've abandoned you. I'm trying my hardest to make due with what I have. Which at the moment is a ton of lemons. And I have no juicer. So, lemonade is in short supply. The next chapter is finished and I _will _get sneak peeks out; if it's the last thing I do. Oh and while you're waiting, why don't you go check out the new collaboration I'm doing with mistresselektra. It's good and funny and it makes my heart less heavy. I know it will do the same for you.  
Besos. **


	15. Tested and True

_**A/N: **_**Without the love and help of Emily and her knowledge of secksfrolicking, this chapter never would have come to fruition. Thus I am giving her Co-authoring acknowledgment over this chapter. love you bb. **

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **_

* * *

_**I never wanted anything the way that I want you  
But my words don't seem to matter  
My words don't seem to matter  
And you look at me and I can see  
The lies you're running too  
But my words don't seem to matter  
I'd rather have you tested and true  
-Secondhand Serenade**_

**Emmett POV  
June 14th **

I didn't even bother to knock as I flung open the apartment door and stormed inside. The place was a mess and I made a mental note to tell Rose about it when I got home. But for now, I had other things on my mind.

The curtains were drawn over the windows, keeping the light outside and the stifling moody tension in.

I threw the keys I had swiped out of Rosie's jacket onto the hall table where they landed softly on top of the large pile of mail that was accumulating there.

The apartment was silent, except for the soft ticks of the clock on the wall in the kitchen, and the soft hum of the air conditioning.

I closed the door behind me and then walked into the living room, examining the pictures lining the walls as I went.

Most of the pictures I could guess who was in them just by looking.

_Rose and Jasper's fifth birthday party, their mom smiling standing behind them. _

_Another picture of Rose and Jasper and their mom, yet this time, their dad was with them as they all sat awkwardly on a hospital bed, their arms around their mom. I could tell by the way the handkerchief covered Sarah's head that this was taken shortly before she died, when the chemo had failed. _

I took a deep breath and walked away from the wall of pictures and headed toward the hallway. There were more pictures here, new pictures.

_Rosalie and Jasper dressed in graduation caps and holding diplomas. _

_Rosalie in Paris with her arms wrapped around a tall man with white blonde hair. _

_Jasper, his arms around a pretty brunette with creamy tan skin, her hand rested lightly on his bare chest and they were both in swimsuits. _

Fuck me sideways until Sunday; was that a ring on her finger? I clenched my fists tightly and continued my march down the hallway until I reached the last door on the right.

I had been to this apartment a lot in the early stages of the relationship between Rosalie and I, though I hadn't really been farther than the living room when my attention wasn't focused on getting Rosalie naked and into her bedroom.

I clenched my jaw and raised my fist to rap my knuckles on the thin plywood door that separated us.

"Go Away." I heard from deep within the room.

I rolled my eyes and knocked again, louder.

"I said go away."

"Open the fucking door Jasper." I growled.

I waited, my hand hovering over the doorknob as I contemplated the pros and cons of storming into the room and dragging his sorry ass out of the mess of blankets he was sure to be hiding under.

"What do you want Emmett?" He snapped and at the same time. I did too.

I flung the door open, relishing in the sound of the cracking of sheetrock and plaster behind the door. The room was completely black, save for the red glow of the alarm clock on the bedside table, and my eyes took a few seconds to adjust.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I finally hissed out through clenched teeth, watching his profile on the bed, under the blankets, exactly where I said he'd be. I'm a fucking psychic.

I saw him shift and he rolled over onto his back, the hood on his sweatshirt twisting around his neck. What was up with the dude and wearing sweaters for everything? I'd have to ask Rose.

"Emmett, I really have no idea what you're talking about, so unless you want to explain yourself I'd really appreciate it if you just left. I've had a long couple of days." He sighed the last part so quietly that I almost had trouble catching it, despite the taciturn atmosphere encompassing us.

"No, I'm not gonna just leave." I boomed, knowing my anger was getting the best of me, but not really caring enough to take the deep calming breaths that usually helped. "You wanna explain to me why the fuck Alice is in Forks torn up over you?"

He sat up then, I could see it only because of the light color of his hoodie, and mumbled something that sounded oddly like what usually came out of Rosalie's mouth when she broke a nail or found a stain on one of her dresses. I was surprised; I didn't think he even knew words like that.

"She's in Forks?"

"Yes." I snapped as he reached over and flipped the switch to a lamp on his bedside table, filling the room with light.

My eyes had to adjust to the bright light that permeated the darkness and when I could finally see straight again Jasper was up and at his closet, pulling out random bits of clothing and throwing them onto his bed behind him.

I almost just turned and walked out of the room right then. He looked like a mess. His hair was greasy and his sweatpants were wrinkled and bunched up around his calves. His eyes were sunken in and plagued with thick black circles underneath them and he looked like he had adopted a kitten and it currently resided on his face.

But then I remembered the midnight call I had received from Bella and Esme. How they had told me how Alice had showed up in Forks and broke down. She had been doing so well, but apparently, that was all lost. She smiled, and laughed, but it didn't reach her eyes. It was all hollow and empty. And fuck him if he had done it to her. I was gonna find out and so help me God, I was determined to fix it.

"What the fuck happened between you and Alice?" I growled, one of my fists coming up to pound the doorframe beside me. My temper was my downfall, I knew this, but it also helped in certain situations.

"Leave it alone Emmett."

"Like hell I'll leave it a-fucking-lone Jasper." I yelled, taking a giant step into the room as Jasper threw his clothes into a bag he had produced almost out of thin air. "And where do you think you're going?"

"To get her."

"No." I bellowed, my deep voice echoing off the almost empty walls around me. His room was a stark contrast to the rest of the house: empty and hollow.

"Just stay out of it Emmett. It's none of your damn business." He snarled over his shoulder. And I had had enough.

In just three giant steps I came up behind him and grabbed his shoulder. Hard. "You _will _leave her alone or you'll regret the day you were ever born."

He turned around, jerking out of my death grip as he pushed his face closer to mine. _"I already do_. So really, you'd be doing me a favor."

Before I could think about what I was doing my fist rose up and clipped him straight in the mouth. I felt a pop and saw red as his lip busted open, blood trailing down his chin.

"You hurt her, you deal with me." I roared.

Before my mind even had time to register the fact that I had just busted a man's lip open, I felt his fist connect with my jaw. I stumbled backwards from the force of his punch so hard, that when my body came into contact with the wall behind me, the frame shook.

I leaned back, raising my fingers up tentatively to touch the spot he had just slammed his fist into. I pressed down as I opened my mouth, checking to make sure I could still use it. Who knew the bitch would pack a punch.

I was pulled out of my self-examination when Jasper picked up his bag and grabbed his keys off of his bedside table, heading toward the door.

Pushing off the wall, I propelled myself across the space between us and hit Jasper square in the chest, pinning him to the opposite wall. He struggled against me, dropping the bag at his feet as he grabbed on to my shirt collar and I pushed him even harder against the wall, knocking the air out of him.

"Let. Me. Go." He seethed, trying to break free and I used the rest of my strength to shove him against the wall again.

"You're not going anywhere you motherfucker. Tell me what the hell you did to her. Now."

He opened his mouth to speak and I loosened my hold on his arms.

As soon as my grip had relaxed he pushed me backwards, away from him. I stumbled, and regained my balance, tightening my hold once more, hoping I'd leave bruises on this douche.

"I didn't do anything she didn't consent to." My anger came back full force as soon as the words had left his mouth and I slammed him against the wall again, his head knocking back and leaving a hole in the sheetrock.

"You used her." I shouted and my hands came up to grip the front of his hoodie, using it as leverage as he hit the wall behind him, again. "She's mourning. She just lost her fucking husband; the love of her life and you're taking advantage of that. You inconsiderate jackass."

No sooner had the words left my mouth did his hands grasp the neck of my shirt and he pushed us backwards until my back was against the wall and his face was inches away from mine.

"I. Fucking. Love. Her." He growled, my head hitting the wall as he pushed me against it. And then his hands left me and he stumbled backwards until his back touched the wall I had slammed him against. His legs seemed to give out on him as he slid down and landed on his ass, his head hanging down, his hair obscuring my view of his face.

He didn't say anything else and I used the silence to regain control of my breath and my temper. Until finally, I couldn't take it any more. "Did you mean that?"

He looked up, his jaw tight, and met my gaze. "Yes."

I shook my head, leaning back against the wall and looking up at the smooth ceiling. "She was…she was doing so well. She was getting better. And I have no idea what the fuck happened, but whatever went down between you guys sent her spiraling downwards again. Jasper… I just…she's like my baby sister. She means just as much to me as Bella does and I would kill for her. I can't let you hurt her…she's been hurt enough already."

"God Emmett, don't you think I know that? Do you think that I can't see what she's been through every time she looks at me? Do you think I can look in her eyes and see past the pain there? Because if you do you're a hell of a lot dumber than I thought you were. I want…I want to be able to tell her about myself, I want to not have to walk on eggshells knowing that any damn word out of my mouth could tear her apart. I want her to look at me and see nothing but love in her eyes and not the guilt and anguish that's always present.

"I want to be able to say that I know the real Alice. The one that tilts her head back when she laughs and the one that has a twinkle in her eyes when she smiles. I want her to come back. I want her to wake up and get her head out of the fog it's in for the man who stole her heart. I want her to see all that she has in front of her still. But I know…I know that that's not gonna happen anytime soon and yet, I'm still here. So don't you dare say that I used her. Don't you even think of accusing me of being an opportunistic pig, because I love her Emmett. I love every part of her; even the damaged ones." He ran his fingers roughly through his hair, his eyes glistening with tears as he pulled at his blonde roots. And I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't.

"I want her to come back and be the Alice that you all miss and the Alice that I want to meet. Because right now all I know is the broken Alice. The Alice that's just a shadow of her former self. And that doesn't matter much because I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, and I love her anyway. Even I can see she's not as prodigious as she once was. And I want that Alice too, the bright one, full of life and happiness. I want all of her. Not just the dark one."

**Alice POV**

**July 4th **

One year, three months, four days since my life had come to a screeching halt. Four weeks, two days, fourteen hours since I had sex with Jasper on my kitchen table. Four weeks, one day, five hours since I had lost my job. One hour and twenty-six seconds since I had been sitting on the couch and Bella asked me for a tampon. Fifty-eight minutes since I had realized in a panic that I was late. And finally, two minutes thirty-four seconds since I had peed on a stick and then sat it on the counter to await my fate.

I was sitting, staring at the clock, listening to Bella pace back and forth behind me and trying to decide just when my life had become so fucked up. Was it when I decided that why yes, eighteen was the perfect age to get married and start a family with a guy I met one night at a karaoke bar? Or, was it when I had watched my husband leave me six days after we had eloped, risking his life for our country? Or maybe it was when my husband died by way of a roadside bomb in Fallujah, the only man out of twelve to do so.

I wanted so badly to blame this on him. I had given him everything. My youth, my heart, my soul, my dreams and he had given me nothing. And now, here I was, numb to everything going on around me as I realized just how horribly all of this had gone.

I had told myself I would never do this again. I would never give my heart over to someone else and then just trust them not to destroy it. I gave up on ever finding love again because the only one I wanted to love was gone.

I don't think I ever made a conscious decision to completely cut love out of my life, but I knew that I had. Sometime between the moments I saw that government car parked in my driveway and the memorial service where they buried an empty casket because my husband's body was too mangled to make the trip back home. I was better off without it, I told myself. I didn't need it. I could live life and never get close to anyone again.

"Al. Alice?" I felt hands on my shoulders. Firm, yet gentle. Hands shaking, pulling, dragging me from the screeching, shattering, screaming that was going on inside my brain.

I turned my head and blinked my eyes to see Bella staring at me worriedly from her position in front of me.

"It's time." She said grimly and I was oddly reminded of someone sentenced to death as they slowly made their way to the guillotine. And despite my situation, I couldn't help but laugh.

Bella looked at me oddly then and I sobered up almost instantly. Now was not the time to laugh and joke, now was the time to be scared shitless and shake so bad that I couldn't read the results. Yes, I could do that. I would do that.

My childhood bathroom was just as happy and inviting as it had been when I had first moved into this house. My mom had painted it yellow and the curtains had daisies on them. I had loved my bathroom then. Now, now it felt too bright, too happy for my current situation.

Bella waited behind me; I could feel her eyes boring into my back as I stood in front of the sink and picked up the ept with both hands, my eyes closed.

I counted backwards from ten, vowing to open my eyes as soon as I hit one. Then I counted upwards to ten. Still, I couldn't open my eyes and face it. God, what was wrong with me?

I took a few deep, shaky breaths and suddenly I saw it. The flash of Jasper leaning over me, his face serious but his eyes smoldering as we made love, and then I saw myself, swollen with a child. My tiny body disproportioned to compensate the tiny life I was sheltering inside of me. And finally, I saw it. The baby that would be growing inside of me, with dark raven black hair like mine and ocean blue eyes like it's daddy. It was half of me and half of Jasper.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I opened my eyes. And then I felt the tears.

"Alice? Alice what is it?" Bella pleaded from behind me.

I couldn't answer her. My shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs that I didn't want my mother to hear, so I turned and handed the offensive little white and blue device to her and she sucked in a sharp breath.

"I'm sorry Alice." She sighed and I felt her arms wrap around me.

I sank down to the tile floor in my bathroom, the cold making goosebumps rise on the flesh that my shorts didn't cover, and Bella went with me. Just like I knew she always would.

When my tears had all dried up and it felt like someone had doused my eyes with bleach, I finally stood up and away from the shelter of my best friend's arms.

I had things to do. And I knew that while Bella would always be there for me. To pick me up off the floor and to make me wash my hair, to rotate the milk in my fridge or to make me frozen lasagna so that she knew I'd eat. I knew that I needed to let go. I needed to grow up and act like the twenty-four year old that I was and not the helpless eighteen year old I had come to know.

It was time I became a woman, not just for myself, but for the people I loved and the people who loved me.

Bella let me go, for which I was thankful, and I situated myself on my bed and pulled out my cell phone.

I could feel her watching me from the bathroom doorway where she rested, as I dialed the number.

"Hello?" He answered before the first ring had even ended. "Ali?"

"Hi…yeah…It's me Jasper." I breathed out after a short pause. "I'm um… I'm coming home. We need to talk."

* * *

_**A/N: Don't shoot! I know I promised Sneak Peeks but I just got my computer fixed and as much as I hate it, it didn't work out. Gah. So to make up for it, those who review this chapter (love it, hate it, whichever, just let me know) will get an extra long sneak peek. Right, so you know what to do. And that doesn't involve chucking anything at me. **_  
_**Besos. **_


	16. I Don't Want To Be Alone

_**~Text Messages with Em~****  
Me: I'm kind of scared about what's going to happen to me once I post this new chapter. I need all my teeth.****  
Em: It will be great. And I'll protect you.  
Me: Okay… Just know that if the fangirls attack…I'm tripping you.  
Em: Okay. Or we can unite our superpower rings with a fistbump and pwn them. **_

**A/N: Shout out to TwilightFan104. You'll see why. I can't forget my awesomely amazing Beta for this story. Irritablegrizzlylover and my Boobie Chickentush. I love her. and without her...well you probably wouldn't even be able to read this story. I owe her my life. Or at least a stripogram.  
**

**Okay, before I let you loose on this chapter, I just wanted to say that I love all of my reviewers. But whenever an Anonymous reviewer goes so far as to not only critique my story but to call me stupid and say they hate me. That's just going too far. So please, before you post a review that's hateful or mean, think about what you might be doing to that author. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but an overactive imagination and a magic color-changing spoon that I got from a cereal box in Germany.

* * *

**

_**Maybe if my heart stops beating  
It won't hurt this much  
And never will I have to answer  
Again to anyone**_

_**Please don't get me wrong**_

_**Because I'll never let this go  
But I can't find the words to tell you  
I don't want to be alone  
-Paramore**_

**Alice POV**

**July 4****th**

Needless to say, my mom wasn't happy. She had planned a giant Fourth of July party and was devastated that we would miss it. But she understood that I needed to go, even if I didn't tell her why.

Bella drove me in my car, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to, and knowing that she'd have to come back for the wedding stuff she left there at my house.

The three hours it took to drive from Seattle felt like three minutes and I didn't even remember riding the ferry.

When we pulled off of the exit that led to my development it was like my heart was trying to make an emergency exit through my nose and my legs were trying to tap a hole in the floorboard of my car.

Bella finally reached over and stilled my knee with her hand and I threw her an apologetic glance.

My heart stopped when we pulled onto my street and the familiar black car was parked on the curb. I wanted to run, to him, from him. All of the above. I just wasn't sure which urge would win out.

"I'm gonna drop you off and then go to Edward's. We'll bring the car over later…" Bella said softly as she pulled easily into my driveway. A feat that probably would have resulted in a lost mailbox and a dented trash can if I had been the one driving.

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice, as she put the car into park and waited for me to exit.

My hand hovered over the door handle. I could easily just tell her I couldn't do it. I could tell her that I wasn't ready and it had all been a mistake. I could lie and say that everything had been a mistake and I just wanted to forget it. But then again, I was tired of lying. To myself. To others. I didn't want to do it anymore.

"We're here for you Al. You know that right?" Bella asked in a hushed whisper, her hand reaching over to grasp mine firmly in hers.

"Yeah." I croaked out, denying myself the right to tears. "I do. I love you Hells Bells."

She laughed and reached over to embrace me, kissing my cheek before she pulled away.

And then, I pulled the handle and stepped out.

He was already waiting, as I knew he would be. His form was long and lanky as he leaned against the frame of his car.

His hair was shining in the July sun, his sunglasses reflected the light there too, hiding his eyes from me, and I wished silently that he'd take them off so I could see what he was thinking. His dark wash jeans hung loosely on his hips, faded around the knees, and his red and black plaid jacket was zipped halfway up, revealing one of his usual long-sleeved white t-shirts underneath.

He kicked at the curb with his black vans slip-ons and I realized with a jolt that this was the first time I had seen him dressed so casually.

"Hi." I said as I got closer and he looked up from where he had taken to staring at his shoes.

"Hey." He replied, his voice gravelly and clipped.

We stayed like that, standing across from each other. His hands dug deeper into his jeans pockets and I crossed my arms over my chest, working hard to keep myself far enough away from him to be considered socially acceptable.

"Alice…what do you need?" He finally broke the heavy silence between us, sighing heavily, the sound discontented.

"I uh…can we go inside?" I asked, pulling my keys out of my purse to gesture back to my house with.

"Yeah."

We walked in silence back to the front door and I opened it and walked inside, holding the door open behind me for Jasper to enter through.

He waited until I had shut the door before he walked into the living room and sat down on the edge of the sofa.

His face was tense and his body was stiff. I didn't like it.

"I'm sorry." I finally said, sighing as I sat down next to him.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked quietly.

"For running. For upsetting you. For hiding. For…"

"None of that matters Ali." He whispered, his body relaxing just a little bit more.

"It does though. I shouldn't have done it."

"What exactly did you do?"

"I…" _fell in love._ "I acted before I thought."

"That's not always a bad thing." Jasper spoke so quietly that I wasn't even sure I had heard him.

"I didn't call you here just to apologize though." I said. My voice wavered and I felt him tense again beside me. "I…I'm late."

The seconds wore on. Silence. I began to think maybe he hadn't heard me.

"Late?" He finally asked and I swallowed thickly as I nodded. "How late?"

"About a week."

"Are you sure? I mean did you take a test or…or…"

"I'm not an idiot Jasper. I know when I'm late. I've been regular since I was sixteen." I snapped before I could stop myself. "And I took a test…it was positive."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me go so far?" He retorted, standing up off the couch quickly and rubbing his hands over his face vigorously as though trying to wake himself up.

"I'm so sorry that _**I**_ didn't make sure _**you**_ covered _**your **_dick while we were in the throes of passion." I said sarcastically.

"Well what about birth control Alice?" He was pacing now on the other side of the coffee table, running a hand through his hair.

"I haven't taken it since last July Jasper." I all but whispered, pulling my legs up on the couch with me and wrapping my arms tightly around my knees.

"Why not?" He prodded, coming to a standstill and facing me.

"Because I was trying to get pregnant okay? When my husband left, we were trying to have a baby. And when he died…I didn't see the point of using it anymore. I didn't think I'd end up fucking someone on my kitchen table a little over a year after his death." I yelled, standing up off the couch just as quickly as he had.

He was silent, breathing hard, and I was too, trying to control my anger before I said something I'd regret. Before I ripped off the Band-Aids that were covering my only just healing wounds. I didn't want to deal with the pain. Not today.

"I have an appointment tomorrow. With my doctor. I would like…I would like for you to be there." I said, looking away from his intense blue gaze and down to my feet.

"Yeah…" He answered. His voice quiet now.

"I'll see you then." I heard him take a deep breath, like he wanted to say something else, but I shook my head. "I can't do this right now Jasper. Please, just go. I'll call you tomorrow with the details."

"Okay."

I looked up to see him wiping at his eyes and then he crossed the room, coming around the table to wrap his arms around me. I froze at first, but then I let my arms snake around his waist.

"We'll get through this Ali. I'm not going _anywhere._" He whispered, before he leaned down to press his lips against my forehead, and I couldn't help but hear the double meaning to his words.

He didn't wait for me to reciprocate as he turned on his heel and walked out of the living room and out of the house, closing the door lightly behind him. I heard his car start up and pull away and I headed into the kitchen. I picked up the mess we had made, taking my clothes into the laundry room and cleaning up the salt from the saltshaker we had broken in our haste to clean off the table.

When that was finished I went upstairs, slowly, and into my bedroom. It was still early, it was the Fourth of July, but I had no intention of going anywhere or doing anything.

I curled up into my bed, inhaling deeply the smell of Jasper that was still embedded onto my sheets.

His smell was so sweet, and so musky, and altogether wonderful, I felt like I couldn't get enough of it. I inhaled, and inhaled and inhaled some more. It was like a drug and I was the addict who just couldn't quit.

Finally, when my senses started to get acclimated to it, I climbed out of the bed and paced around, not willing to let sleep overtake me just yet, but not knowing what else to do.

It was on my third round of the bedroom that I saw it. The belt that held my closet doors closed. I hadn't opened them in almost a year.

I took a deep breath and walked over to them, pulling my belt off of the levers and gently pulling open the doors.

**XxxxxX**

I didn't get any sleep that night. I spent the whole of it bagging up the clothes that took up half of the closet space. I waited until first light and then I started loading them into the trunk of my car that Bella and Edward had dropped off the night before.

When everything had been loaded, I drove down to the Sacred Heart shelter on Warren Ave. and with one final glance, I dropped them in the donations box.

The rest of the day passed slowly and before I knew it four o'clock had rolled around and I was sitting in the waiting room at my doctor's office reading a six-month old issue of Vogue and watching the door inconspicuously.

"Hey Ali." I jumped slightly when the familiar voice sounded from beside me and I turned to see Jasper standing there in scrubs and a lab coat.

"Hey." I replied breathlessly. "I'm glad you could make it. I didn't know you had to work or I would have…"

"Edward's covering for me." He shrugged and settled deeper into the chair beside me.

We waited, watching the other patients going back through the wooden doors separating the waiting room from the doctor's office.

"Listen Ali…" I turned to look at Jasper, he was leaning forward in his chair, his hands pressed tightly together in front of him as he leaned on his knees.

"Mary Alice Brandon." I froze and I felt my eyes widen before I turned to see the nurse standing at the door.

_Gianna_. **Oh, I hated her**.

I stood up swiftly, dragging my purse with me, and started walking toward the door she was holding open for me, stopping only when I realized Jasper wasn't behind me.

"Jasper?" I asked, turning around to see him staring at me with his mouth agape. "Are you coming?"

He narrowed his eyes and then lifted himself up, following me.

"You okay?" I asked when he got closer to me and he answered with a tight nod of his head.

We followed the nurse to the room, stopping to get my weight on the way, before she shut the door, trapping us inside.

The air was thick with tension and silence and it felt like my lungs had suddenly been stuffed with cotton.

I turned to see Jasper staring at me, the planes of his face hard, his jaw set tight, pulling the vein in his neck to the surface. His fists were clenched tightly and I could see the tendons on the back of his hand showing through his soft white flesh.

I was about to ask what was wrong when the door opened again and a nurse walked in, she was older with bright red hair and glasses that barely sat on her nose. She was plump and had a constant stern look on her face. Without so much as a word to me she wrapped a tourniquet around my arm and drew two vials of blood before handing me a cup and directing me to the nearest bathroom.

I liked this nurse. She meant business.

I left Jasper alone in the room, walking down the long hall to take care of the pee sample before returning it to the nurse's station. I took my time going back to the room, not really knowing if I could stand the tension that seemed to be growing like mold between Jasper and me.

I finally made it back and slipped quietly into the room.

Jasper hadn't moved from his seat, his head was rested back against the wall and his eyes were closed. The metal of the necklaces around his neck gleamed in the fluorescent lighting as his chest moved up and down slowly.

He looked peaceful. Relaxed.

I tried not to make too much noise as I returned to the table and began to twiddle my thumbs in anticipation.

Twenty minutes and thirty four seconds later – I know, I counted – and there was another knock on the door and my doctor came in. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a long plait that reached her mid-back. She wore light pink scrubs that brought out the hue of her cheeks.

"Hello Alice." She said with a small smile on her lips, clutching my file folder in her hands. I couldn't help but notice how thick it was.

"Hi Dr. Denali"

"Please. Call me Kate." She said and then she turned to Jasper. "Dr. Hale. How wonderful to see you, how are you doing?"

"Good." He replied tightly with a nod of his head.

"My sisters were wondering if you were back yet…we heard what happened and…"

"Now really isn't the best time Katrina, but please tell Tanya and Irina that I said hello and that I'll talk to them soon."

Kate seemed taken aback but quickly composed her face to turn and smile at me. "How are you today Alice?"

"Nervous." I admitted, rubbing my sweaty palms against my jeans.

"Well…" She glanced at Jasper, hesitating.

"He can stay." I said quickly and she nodded.

"The results of your test are negative…" She said and I could tell she wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. "You seem to be healthy, but Alice I know from your history that you're prone to stress. Your missed period could be caused by a number of things, if you don't start within the next few days I'm going to recommend that you come in and have more extensive tests done. But for now, I think you're fine."

I sighed and nodded my head in understanding. "Thank you Kate."

"You're welcome."

She gave me my check-out paper and I slipped off of the table to follow her out the door. Jasper stood up abruptly and before either Kate or I could take a few steps he was out of the door and down the hallway, leaving me behind, stunned, in his wake.

I shook my head, trying to clear it, and then signed out. My head still reeling from the way Jasper had acted.

Had he been that upset that he hadn't gotten me pregnant? He had acted so much differently yesterday, so angry. His mood swings were beginning to give me whiplash.

I drove home in a daze, trying hard to focus on the road around me, and not cause any more pain.

The rain was pounding down on the windshield by the time I reached my driveway and I hopped out of the car and ran into the house, not bothering to try to shield myself.

I was soaked to the bone when I entered my house and I ran up to my room to throw on Emmett's sweatshirt and my boy shorts before retreating back to the comfort of my couch with a throw blanket and a half-eaten box of Cheez-its, as I lost myself in the latest Lifetime movie.

I was halfway through the cheesy movie, when a knock on my door pulled me away from my blank stare at the screen. I jumped up and flung open the door, surprised to see Rosalie standing there, resembling more of a drowned cat than the supermodel she usually was. Her mascara was running and her eyes were red and puffy. Her t-shirt was soaked through and her jeans were dark and dripping.

"Alice, have you seen Jasper?" She choked out, and it was only then that I realized she was crying.

"Um…not since the doctor's appointment." I stammered, "Do you want to come inside?"

"No…" She snapped. "Look, Alice, Jasper's missing and we can't find him and he won't answer his phone and he didn't show up for work after he took his break and that's not like him."

She was hysterical now, tears streaming down her face and blending with the pouring rain. I really had no idea what to do.

"Rosalie, I'm sure he's fine. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself." I offered.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." She snapped, taking a step closer to me, stepping over the threshold. "You aren't the only person in the world Alice. You aren't the only person who's been hurt."

"I never said I was." I hissed, my temper rising.

"You don't have to." She yelled and I flinched back from the venom in her voice. Can you blame me? She knows jujitsu. "There are other people in the world. Bella's getting married in four months, and her best friend isn't even there for her. Emmett…Emmett can hardly sleep at night because he's worried that you're not doing well enough. And Jasper…don't even get me started on my brother. He centered his whole world around you, and after everything he's been through, that's saying something. Look Alice, I know that you're hurting. I understand…"

"Don't you dare." I seethed. Her words were like a slap in the face. "Don't you even think about saying you understand what I've been through."

"I do. You may not want to admit it. But I do. I lost my mom Alice. My mother. I didn't even get a chance to know her."

"It's not the same." I argued. "I lost the love of my life Rosalie, I lost my life."

"But you didn't. Don't you see that? You are so lucky Alice. So lucky." She cried. "You're still alive. You're still breathing. You're still capable of loving. And that's what you do don't you? You love Jasper. But you're pushing him away. Why Alice? Why are you determined not to get close to anyone? Why won't you just accept that Jasper loves you and you love him?"

I stopped then, just now noticing the tears streaking down my face as I felt their warmth hit my lips. "I don't…I don't know." I admitted. "I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to think about moving on and knowing that Jack can never move on. He's gone and I'm still here. And I don't think that's fair."

"Alice. There isn't a man alive or dead that would fault you for living. Jack would want you to live. He'd want you carry on. He'd want you to be happy."

I nodded and let her pull me into her wet embrace. "Jasper needs you now."

* * *

**A/N: Don't hurt me. Really. I told you I had this planned out from the beginning. And there is a rhyme and reason to everything that is happening. Just…trust me. And know that I'd never lead you astray. Review for a sneak peek! And if you have a twilighted account (of if you don't. go make one) come join us over on my thread on the forums. It's under AU-All Human. And it's titled "To Love Again. By Staysa" We discuss theories and I give out sneak peeks that I don't give out in my review replies!  
Besos. **


	17. Make Everything Okay

_**A/N: I'm sorry for the wait but.... It's all Irritablegrizzlylover's fault! She gave me full permission to blame her. So I will. Ha. Love you Haley!  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **_

* * *

_**I will be, all that you want  
And get myself together  
Cause you keep me from falling apart**_

_**All my life, I'll be with you forever  
To get you through the day  
And make everything okay  
~Leona Lewis**_

**Alice POV  
Continued **

We looked everywhere we could think of. Rosalie and Emmett took Emmett's jeep and went to Jasper's favorite haunts while Bella and Edward waited at Rosalie's apartment. I was stationed at my house, with my eyes trained on Emmett's, in case he decided to go there.

I had fought tooth and nail to go with Emmett and Rose. I wanted to be there, I wanted to hug him and tell him everything. I wanted to ask him what Rose meant when she said "all that he's been through." I wanted to hear about him for once instead of just worrying about me. I wanted to hold him. But most importantly I wanted to tell him the truth.

My phone ringing brought me out of my stupor and I ran to answer it, breathless by the time I skidded to a stop in my socks on the tiled kitchen floor.

"Hello?" I asked quickly. "Jazz?"

"No. It's me." Bella said quietly.

"Did you find him? Is he there?" I knew my voice was borderline hysterical but I couldn't control it.

"Not yet Al. No, but Edward is heading out to check a few more places…Look, I didn't want to have to ask you this, but I tried to do it myself and there's just too many numbers and…"

"What is it Bella?"

"We're calling hospitals. His car is missing too Al." My heart stopped and I couldn't form a coherent thought to save my life. Scenarios were running through my head and none of them ended with a 'happily ever after'. "Alice? Alice you're scaring me."

I shook my head, trying to shake out the vivid images that were now playing like a horror movie behind my eyes.

"I'm here." I said in barely a whisper and I heard Bella sigh on the other end of the line.

"You know I wouldn't ask this of you but…"

"No, I understand. I want to help."

"Okay." Bella said hesitantly and I knew she was worried about my current mental state. "I've called the Swedish medical center, Harborview medical, Virgina Mason…"

I had pulled a pen and paper out of the drawer and wrote down the hospitals she had called and told her I would get on the rest as we split them down the middle in the phonebook.

"And Alice?" Bella said as I got ready to hang up.

"Yeah?"

"He loves you."

"Thanks." I breathed before clicking the receiver and dialing the first number on my list.

"Seattle Grace." The operator said as soon as the phone stopped ringing. The doorbell rang and I weighed my options.

I hung up.

I threw open the door, not caring that the heavy wind knocked it out of my grasp and hit the wall behind it where there was already a small ding. Not caring that the floor at my feet was getting soaked by the rain that was falling from the sky and blowing in through my threshold. Not caring about anything really apart from the fact that Jasper stood there, holding on to both sides of the doorframe, his eyes closed, his clothes soaked as the lightning flashed behind him in the sky. He was here. He was safe.

But then he looked up. His eyes were bloodshot and moving sluggishly and his face was even paler than usual. He reached out to me with one hand, letting go of the doorframe long enough for him to swagger on his feet.

Instinctively I reached out to grab him and that's when I caught a whiff of it. The spicy smell of honey. I cringed slightly and he stumbled forward and into my door, closing it behind him.

"You've been drinking?" I asked.

"Alice…Ali…Ali-cat." He crooned and grabbed hold of my shoulders. "You didn't tell me…"

He stopped then and closed his eyes, swaying on his feet. He had drunk way too much.

"Where were you Jazzy?" I asked softly. "We were worried about you."

He hiccupped and leaned back against the door behind him. "Do you know how long it's been since you called me Jazzy? I missed it."

I smiled and blinked back against the tears. "I'm sorry. But let's get you taken care of first okay. We can't get through this until you're sober."

"Okay." He drawled.

"I'm going to go make a pot of coffee and then we'll get you cleaned up." I said and he nodded. "You smell bad."

He chuckled at my teasing and I went into the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on to brew before picking up my phone and calling Rosalie.

"Hey Rose…"

"Alice. Oh my god, please tell me you heard something."

"I did. He showed up here."

"Oh thank God." She sighed. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine…a little drunk, but fine."

She sighed and I could hear the relief practically dripping from the sound. "We'll come get him…"

"No, he's fine. I'll take care of him."

"Alice." She hesitated.

"Rosalie, you were right. There are other people in the world besides me." I said quietly. "I'm not the only one that needs help. Let me help him."

She didn't say anything for a few seconds before finally she sighed yet again and agreed.

I smiled to myself as I hung up and made my way back to the front door to find Jasper.

He was gone.

I went into the living room, half expecting him to be sprawled out on the couch, sound asleep. He wasn't.

I got slightly panicky again, not knowing where he had gone. If he had left again, would I be able to find him? Would he come back? He was drunk and it was dark…and then I heard it.

The sound of running water.

I took the stairs two at a time before skidding to a stop in front of the guest bathroom. The door was closed but the light was off. He wasn't in that one.

I made my way more cautiously through my dark bedroom and to the master bathroom, my hand hesitating over the doorknob. I steadied myself before slowly opening the door.

There was already steam filling the room, it rolled out through the small crack I had left in the door and into the bedroom.

I took a deep breath and pushed the door all the way open.

I froze in the doorway. Jasper stood in the shower underneath the running water, completely clothed. His eyes were closed and his head was rolled back, letting the water cascade down his neck and torso. The light blue button up shirt he wore was stuck to his skin and sopping wet.

"Jazz?" I asked quietly, pushing my way into the room towards him.

He looked up then, his blue eyes searching mine as I continued to walk closer to him until I reached the pane of glass that separated us.

I could see, as I got closer, the water that hung on his fair eyelashes and the way his hair curled even more when it was wet. The necklaces he always wore under his shirt were glimmering under the light and his loose khaki pants were soaked not only from catching the water traveling down his back, but also from the inches of water slowly collecting in the tub and running up the fabric. I was sure his brown leather shoes were heavy from their impromptu swim in the puddle of water, not to mention ruined.

"We were heading toward the Fallujah Bridge, taking a side road. We called it route Boston because we could never say the names right." His voice was barely above a whisper. "I was the only medic with the patrol. They had picked me up at the New Hospital-Al-Zubat and we were heading back to base. One minute we were talking and laughing and the next thing we knew, the jeep we were behind was flying in the air, on fire. It had happened so quick we hardly had any reaction time before it slammed into the front of our humvee."

I watched as his hand came up to the collar of his shirt and pulled at the top button, popping it open easily. Slowly his hands moved down to the next and did the same. On and on until the creamy white fabric of his white undershirt was exposed.

The water continued to run as he reached up and pulled his shirt off of his arms, letting it drop into the water that had accumulated in the tub.

I gasped, raising my hand to cover my mouth as I stared at the sight in front of me. Jasper's arms were hanging loosely at his side, covered in pink, puckered lines and white patches of skin. Scars.

"Jazz?" I breathed, moving a step forward.

He locked his gaze with mine as his fingers grasped hold of the hem of his wifebeater and slowly started raising it above his head, pulling it up and exposing the smooth lines of his hips. He continued on, raising it up further until he had it over his head.

I felt my eyes widen as I stared at what should have been a smooth expanse of flesh, but instead was marred and disfigured by the same lines that covered the skin on his arms.

"What happened?" I breathed out, my voice cracking as I stood rooted to my spot on the floor.

"I woke up on the side of the road with second degree burns and metal lodged in my abdomen. But I went back to help. I found three officers near the metal of the jeep I was in and they were banged up but fine. Four others were trying to search the jeep for any survivors while a fifth was keeping a couple of civilians back. They tried to keep me down but I couldn't do it. I went to school to help people, I did it for a living and I couldn't let a few injuries keep me from it.

"I found Jack Brandon near the wreckage, he had lost his helmet and…"

Jasper stopped, his voice catching as he backed up and let his back hit the tile wall behind him. He slid down it until he was sitting on the bottom of the fiberglass, water filled bathtub. I wanted to run. I wanted to cover my ears. I wanted to ignore the words that were coming out of his mouth. But I couldn't, because at the same time I needed to hear them. No one had ever told me what happened to my husband. No one had thought I'd want to know how the love of my life died. They thought I was too fragile. But not knowing whether he had suffered, or whether he had been alone; that was almost worse than knowing how mangled his body had been. So I stayed. If only to find some peace in Jasper's words.

"He was conscious." Jasper paused, his voice choked, and I realized that for the first time since I had met him, he was showing an emotion other than anger or forced happiness. "I couldn't recognize him though. I had to search for his dog tags and even then, I could barely read them because they were so bent…and…and twisted. His body was just as badly broken, I tried so hard Alice. He was bleeding out and convulsing. His whole body was burnt and I knew that if we didn't get help soon he would die. So I did what I had to do, and I held him. I used my fingers to hold the gash on top of his head closed…and…and I practically laid down on top of him to control the blood flow, but no matter how hard I held on to him, he just kept bleeding.

One of the other officers came over to pull me away, I screamed at him to get off of me and get help but he just kept pointing to the ground and saying something about bloody mud; I couldn't listen to him. I just…I couldn't."

I felt the bile rise up in my throat at Jasper's words. Not because of what he was implying, that he had held my husband in his arms as he died, but because of the way he had crumpled in on himself as he talked of his attempts. The way his eyes dimmed and his face fell.

"I failed him Alice. I tried, but it wasn't hard enough. I let Jack die…I let…he died"

Jasper's shoulders shook and he threw his head back, hitting the back of his skull against the tiled wall behind him, as tears streamed down his face.

"No." I said quietly, my knees quaking beneath me. "No…"

Jasper didn't move, but I saw his face tense up, his jaw set, his eyes shut tight.

I didn't know what to do. My heart was hammering in my chest and my ears were ringing as my vision got fuzzy. I needed to get away. I needed to forget the awful images that were now crawling like cockroaches in the bitter depths of my mind. But I also wanted to run to Jasper, who now resembled more of a wounded child than the man I had come to know. His walls were down and slowly, ever so slowly, he was losing himself. I could see it in his eyes. I needed to make up my mind.

My legs were shaking and it felt like everything was moving in slow motion as I took a step, and then another, until finally, I reached the shower.

I slid open the door and swung my legs over the side of the tub, where they landed with a splash.

The water was freezing and it sent sharp chills deep into my bones through my dark wash denim jeans. I shivered and fell to my knees in the water, reaching over Jasper to turn the handle and shut the water off.

"Jasper." I whispered, my voice just as shaky as the rest of me. "Jasper please, look at me."

I reached my hand out and cupped the bottom of his chin, pulling his face up so that his eyes were on me.

"You…didn't fail him. You didn't fail me. You did what you could and I could never ask for more." My voice was hoarse as the tears streamed down my cheeks, blurring my vision.

Jasper looked at me then. His blue eyes, sluggish from the aftermath of the copious amount of alcohol he had consumed, bore into me, searching. I didn't know for what, but I only hoped he could find it.

He sniffled, reaching up with a wet hand to wipe at his eyes and nose, only succeeding in making it worse. I couldn't help but let out a watery smile as he leaned into me, resting his head on my chest as I wrapped my arms tightly around him, and held him.

Sometime later, I had finally managed to coax him out of the freezing cold water and helped him strip the rest of the way down. I grabbed the pair of boxer shorts I had always slept in and helped him step into them before leading him to my bed and pulling down the comforter, tucking him inside of it like I would a three year old.

I smiled as he relaxed into the warm sheets and slid his arm underneath the pillow beneath his head, sinking deeper into his stupor.

Reaching up, I turned off the bedside lamp, letting only the light emanating from the bathroom remain. I smoothed back the still damp curls from Jasper's forehead and then leaned down to press a kiss on to his forehead before standing up.

I needed to clean up the bathroom, and throw his clothes in the wash so he would have something to wear in the morning. And I needed to dump the abandoned coffee out of the percolator before it turned into sludge. I was making a mental to-do list in my head as I turned to go shut the blinds on the windows so that he could get a few more hours of sleep before the sunlight woke him.

"Alice." I nearly jumped when I felt Jasper's hand wrap around my own, pulling me back toward him.

I allowed him to pull me down to his level before he pressed his lips to mine. The kiss started out like so many others had before: slow, sweet, inviting, but soon, it was turning into more. My fingers slid into his hair, pulling him closer to me, and I moaned against his mouth as his tongue traced my bottom lip, begging for entrance. His scarred, sinewy arms wrapped around me, pulling me into him and holding me tightly as though he never wanted to let me go. I let him.

Our tongues fought for dominance and my awkward angle from where I was sitting on the bed wasn't helping. In one fluid motion, without breaking the kiss, I moved so that my knees were on either side of his torso and I was leaning down to his mouth.

We only pulled away when were both breathless and gasping. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and as Jasper rolled us so that we were both on our sides, facing each other, I could feel that his was doing the same.

Silence surrounded us as we lay together. His hand was running up and down the length of my arm and my fingers tracing the rough outlines of the scars that covered his chest. I could hear the clock on the bedside table ticking off the seconds, but I was too lost to the world to count them.

"Alice?" Jasper whispered after what seemed like an eternity and yet, still not long enough.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I froze, my hand stilled in its motion as it traced his biggest scar that ran from his collarbone to the middle of his sternum, and moved my head to look up into his eyes. He was staring at me intensely.

I ducked my head down, breaking our gaze, and leaned forward to kiss where the top of the scar started by his shoulder, placing another a short ways away from that one, and another, and another, until finally, my lips landed on the other end of the scar, where his heart lingered.

"I love you too Jasper." I breathed and lifted my face back up, capturing his lips once again.

* * *

**_A/N: It isn't over yet. I promise. Review and Jasper will show up on YOUR doorstep soaking wet. Or, just a sneak peek. but still. _**


	18. Let Me Sing You To Sleep

**A/N: Special thanks to my lovely beta Haley. Who worked hard on this chapter despite health problems in her family. And of course to my biffle, my wifey, and my lovely soulmate who keep me grounded and make me laugh. You guys are like the syrup to my peanut butter. Also to Jennie and Jamie, who are the only two who harbor the same tongue ring fetish as me. *muah***

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

_**It's the way that you blush when you're nervous.  
It's your ability to make me earn this.  
I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep.  
It's about how you laugh out of pity,  
'Cause lets be honest I'm not really that funny.  
I know that you're shot, just let me sing you to sleep.  
~The Spill Canvas**_

**Alice POV  
August 12****th**

The sun peeked through the curtains early the next day and with the rays came an epiphany. The revelation that I was exactly where I wanted to be and that place just happened to be in Jasper's arms.

It didn't matter to me that he had known Jack. It didn't matter that he had held him when he died, and I hadn't. In fact, it was like a great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, just knowing that Jack hadn't been alone. He had been held; he had known someone was there for him, even though I couldn't be.

And in a way, I knew that this whole…thing, was Jack's doing. He was the one who had sent Jasper that night. He was the one who had led me to him, or vice versa. I was a firm believer in the afterlife and having Jasper wrap me up in his arms every night just seemed to prove my theories.

I'm sure that Jack had loved Jasper, in his own way. And knowing that Jasper had saved my life, that he had kept me from throwing myself off a bridge, that he had given me something to look forward to and move forward to, I knew that Jack would want this.

He'd want me to be happy.

And happy I was. I had learned in a few short hours that life isn't always what it seems. Jasper had given so much of himself for other people that he didn't know who he really was anymore. He had never even told his own twin sister about what had happened overseas. He hadn't wanted her pity. He had wanted his little sister – though only by three minutes – to look up to him like she had when they were children.

He had wanted to stay strong for her. And though she knew he had been injured, she never knew that he had almost killed himself trying to save another.

Jasper had lost almost 2 liters of blood and suffered contusions over 85 percent of his torso. His leg had been broken and his shoulder had been dislocated, and yet he hadn't stopped. He had risked his own life to save others, and for that, he was a hero, though he refused to think of himself in that light.

To him it wasn't an act of heroics; it was what he was supposed to do.

I found out quickly that it wasn't something he openly talked about. I didn't push him, but sometimes, I found my curiosity getting the best of me and I would ask him things and he would do his best to answer.

We lived in our own little bubble, ignoring the happenings around us. It was as though that night in the shower had changed everything. We were together, we were happy and we wanted to stay like that as long as we could.

But eventually, all good things must come to an end.

I was cooking chicken parmesan – or trying to anyway – as Jasper read me the directions from his spot on the counter when the doorbell rang.

"Here, you take over, I'll get it." I said quickly, handing Jazz the spoon before taking off in the direction of the door, giggling.

I heard Jasper muttering from behind me and I laughed loudly, knowing that when I got back into the kitchen, I wouldn't finish cooking.

I slipped the dirty apron off over my head as I reached the front door and opened it.

"Hey." Rosalie and Emmett stood there, with smiles on their faces.

"I brought wine." Rosalie said and Emmett nodded before pushing past her and into the house.

"That's nice…what are you doing here?"

"What a welcome munchkin." Emmett laughed. "It smells good in here."

"That's because Ali isn't cooking." Jasper emerged from the kitchen and I heard Rosalie take a sharp breath.

I turned to find her looking back and forth between Jasper and I with wide eyes. Emmett stood to her left, his eyes fixed on Jasper.

It took me longer than it should have to realize what the problem was. Jasper was wearing nothing but a white tank top and basketball shorts. His scars exposed.

"You told her?" Rosalie finally asked.

Jasper snorted and turned back into the kitchen, leaving the three of us standing in an awkward silence.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked. "I mean, I know that Jack was in the army and…"

"Rose, he knew Jack…" I breathed and Rosalie gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" Emmett asked sharply.

"Why don't you guys stay for dinner…we can explain everything."

Emmett and Rosalie both nodded and I sighed, this was going to be a long night.

OooooO

Dinner was…eventful, to say the least. Rosalie screamed at Jasper for not telling her about everything that had happened in Iraq, Jasper yelled back at her for being a selfish, narcissistic bitch. Emmett kept repeating, 'I don't understand,' before getting up to go for a walk. And I…well I just tried to keep everyone calm.

By the time everything was said and done the food was cold and none of us had eaten anything, Emmett came back with red eyes and Rosalie's ever-present smile was long gone.

It seemed like our peaceful little bubble had been popped.

"I'm sorry." Rosalie finally said as she wrapped her arms around Jasper's neck and held on for dear life.

I went to find Emmett, letting them have their space.

He was sitting on the front porch, his head in his hands, his shoulders slumped forward, and my heart broke for him.

I didn't hesitate as I sat down next to him and pulled him into my arms.

"I'm sorry." I said, repeating Rosalie's words from inside.

"S'okay." Emmett replied quietly, but I was already shaking my head.

"No, it's not. If I would've just stopped…and seen what I had right in front of me, maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much time mourning what I lost. But I am sorry. I'm sorry that I treated you the way I did. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you like I should have been. And I'm sorry that I was too caught up in my own pain to see yours. I love you Emmett."

"I love you too."

He sat up then, pulling me into his lap and resting his head on my shoulder.

We sat like that on my front porch for hours. Watching the sun go down and the streetlights come on.

The front door opened and we didn't move as Jasper and Rosalie sat down on either side of us. We listened to the crickets chirp and watched the stars twinkle above us.

"I'm starving." Emmett broke the silence and we all laughed as we got up and went to order pizza.

"You know, we actually had a point in coming here tonight." Rosalie said after the delivery guy had dropped off our pizza and we were all sitting around the living room watching Monty Python.

"You mean, besides ruining a perfectly good dinner that I slaved over?" I teased and Jasper coughed into his glass of soda.

"Yeah…" Rosalie said with a roll of her eyes. "But no…Emmett and I are taking a vacation and we want you to come along."

Jasper eyed his sister warily from across the room and I looked back to Emmett who had his head down, staring at his half eaten crust intently.

"I don't know…" Jasper said, suspicion clear in his voice.

"Jay, come on, stop over thinking things." Rose pleaded. "I…I wanna see dad and I need you there."

"You want us to go to Texas with you?" He asked and I saw him glance at me from the corner of his eye.

I had told Jasper on more than one occasion since our confessions that I wanted to see Jack's parents.

It wasn't that I needed their approval to be with Jasper, I just wanted to make sure they understood. I didn't want them to think I was some hussy who turned her back on their deceased child the first moment she could.

And I still loved them.

"Al…I know you wanna see Pat and Robert, and I want to as well so this way it just works out for everyone." Emmett said, his interest in his food suddenly gone as he finally joined in the conversation.

I looked to Jasper, willing him to tell me what I should do. But he just shrugged and half smiled and for the first time in our relationship, I contemplated violence.

"Um…" I stammered, and Rosalie and Emmett both turned their attention towards me, knowing that the decision now fully rested with me.

"Bella and Edward are going." Rosalie said quickly and Emmett nodded eagerly.

I chewed my bottom lip, trying to ignore the pointed stares boring into me. Jasper chuckled before leaning down and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"We don't have to go Ali, I'm fine staying here…with you." I looked up to meet his gaze and that's when I saw it. The full meaning of what he was offering sinking in. He was willing to sacrifice time with his father to make me happy.

But I was done being the one to make others give up things for me. It was my turn to sacrifice.

"Sounds fun. When do we leave?" I finally chirped and Emmett whooped while Rosalie clapped.

Jasper smiled down at me and leaned down to softly kiss my lips. I pulled him closer to me, savoring the way his lips tasted and felt against mine.

We had yet to sleep together since the last time. It wasn't that I didn't want to. Au Contraire, I wanted to, badly. But every time our little make out sessions would start to get hot and heavy, he would pull away, like something was stopping him. And after everything he had told me, I didn't blame him. I couldn't blame him.

And I was willing to wait as long as he needed, I just couldn't promise I would do it patiently.

He pulled away and placed three soft kisses in rapid succession on my lips before pulling away.

"Well, now that that's settled…" Rosalie said, standing up and pulling on Emmett's hand.

"I'm not finished." Emmett grunted around a mouthful of food and I grimaced.

"Emmett…so help me…" Rosalie growled, pulling on his hand again and glaring daggers.

Jasper chuckled and I saw Rosalie nod her head toward the two of us before Emmett finally sighed, swallowed his mouthful of food, stood up and stretched.

"Well, it is getting late…" He said, stretching.

They left quickly, throwing a few goodbyes over their shoulders before running out the front door and across the street.

I shook my head and stood up to clear away the empty pizza boxes, but Jasper had already beaten me to it.

I laughed and picked up our cups, dumping them and leaving them in the sink as Jasper tossed the garbage into the pail and then turned off the lights.

We made our way up to the bedroom quietly, turning off the lights as we went.

I brushed my teeth and then slipped into one of Jasper's old t-shirts before climbing into the covers and snuggling down into the fluffy warmth of the down comforter.

Jasper joined me shortly after, wearing nothing but his ever-present dog tags and the flannel pajama pants I had bought him last week. It was then I had told him I didn't want him to cover his scars when he was with me.

He slid in beside me and pulled me in to his arms, kissing the crown of my head as I ran my fingers over the rough planes of his chest, tracing the scar that rested over his heart.

"I love you." He whispered into my hair and I smiled, stilling the motion of my hand.

"I love you too." I said, leaning down to place a kiss on the raised white line underneath my fingers.

He sighed in contentment and I worked my way up, kissing and nipping the exposed skin on his chest and up his neck, before pulling his earlobe into my mouth, gently sucking.

He groaned deeply and rolled us over, pressing his body into mine and kissing me fervently. I felt his rock hard erection pressing into my thigh and I closed my eyes as his hands ran up my thighs and under the extra long shirt, stroking the already wet material of my lace panties.

I moaned into his mouth, my fingernails digging little half moons into his lower back as I pushed my hips up and out, trying to find some kind of friction to ease the burning ache between my legs.

Our breaths were coming heavily as he evened himself out with me, the bulge in his pajama pants even with my soaking wet core. I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth, sucking gently.

"Ali…" He groaned and then he pulled back slightly, his necklaces hanging down and skimming down the length of my chest.

"Jazz." I said, but it came out as more of a moan.

"No…Ali…I…I can't." He muttered, pulling away from me completely and I instantly felt the loss.

I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face, trying to calm myself down and even out my breathing. I wanted to be patient. I wanted to bite my tongue and tell him I understood.

"It's not like we haven't done it before." I muttered, my willpower apparently had taken an unexpected leave of absence.

"I know…I just…it was different that time." He said, sitting all the way up and leaning back against the headboard.

"How? Do you have to be drunk to sleep with me? Is that what you're trying to say?" I snapped and when I saw the look upon his face, the hurt, the rejection, I instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry."

I rolled over, facing away from him, and tried to hold back the tears that were begging to break free.

"No… Ali baby…Please…"

I didn't answer him, for fear that my voice would crack or the floodgates would open.

The bed moved and I closed my eyes tightly, would there ever be anything that I wouldn't fuck up?

"Mary Alice Cullen." I felt the bed dip down right next to me and I rolled towards the edge, smack dab into Jasper.

He positioned himself next to me, leaning over again with a hand on either side of my head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said once he knew he had my full attention.

"I shouldn't push. I should just accept that for whatever reason…"

"No." Jasper put a finger up to my lips, silencing me. "I should explain. What happened last time shouldn't have happened."

I felt my breath catch in my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again.

"No. Shit. That's not what I meant." Jasper cursed. "God, I'm screwing this up."

I watched as he reached up to run a hand through his hair, pulling at the roots as he so often did when he was frustrated.

"Alice, I love you. With every fiber in my being. And as much as I would love to just rip your clothes off right this minute…I can't. I won't. I want it to be special. I want you to always remember it and not just because it was in a moment of drunken passion on your kitchen table."

I looked into his deep blue eyes, searching, and I knew from the look in his eyes that he was speaking only the truth. But there was something else there. Something he wasn't saying. Something he wasn't telling me, and as much as I wanted to know what that something was, I was also afraid – terrified – to find out.

"Please…just let me do this. Okay?" He asked, leaning closer to me and running his nose up and down my cheek, distracting me.

"Okay." I nodded, leaning into his caress.

I knew there was more than he was telling me, but for the moment, I let it go. And I let myself enjoy just being in his arms, the one place I desperately wanted to be, as he quietly sang me to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for the wonderful reviews last chapter. 78 was the highest I'd ever gotten to for a chapter on this story. I loved it. Keep 'em coming and the next sneak peek will be super long. You just have to review to get it.  
Besos!**


	19. Nothing Left To Hide

_**A/N: I am so incredibly sorry about the wait you guys. And for not sending out the peeks. I promised myself I'd never say it but...real life got in the way. Hope you can forgive me. Super thanks to my beta dollybigmomma. She was awesome and stepped in for irritablegrizzlylover who is dealing with some tough stuff right now. (love you Haley!) And now, without further ado...**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

How does it feel  
How does it feel when we get locked into a stare?  
Please don't come looking for me  
When I get lost in the mess of your hair  
How do you feel when everything you've known  
Gets thrown aside  
Never fear, my dear, 'cause we have nothing left to hide  
~Spill Canvas**_

_**Alice POV  
August 24th**_

Emmett was still grumbling about suitcase weight and quantity as we all piled into the rented suburban with Edward at the helm.

Of course, it didn't help that Bella was quietly egging him on by reminding him that she had somehow been able to fit all of her clothes into one meager suitcase, whereas Rosalie and I had both brought a total of six. Like it was a big deal.

Rosalie was studiously ignoring her boyfriend as Jasper chuckled from beside me.

I, however, was quiet as we drove through the streets of Dallas, Jasper's arm around my shoulder.

It felt good to be back here, back where everything started. And yet, I could still feel that tiny part of me, the part that was whispering how wrong it was to have Jasper's arm around my shoulder and his other hand resting on my thigh, instead of Jacks. I tried to ignore that small traitorous part as much as I could and just enjoy this. Being back with my best friends, in a place we all loved.

As if sensing my thoughts, Jasper's hold on me tightened and he leaned down, placing a feather light kiss on my temple.

I let myself rest against him, leaning into his comforting touch as Rosalie gave Edward directions and he bickered with her about who was right, her or the GPS.

"Just shut up and turn left already," Rosalie finally said, leaning forward in her seat to glower at Edward who immediately did as she said.

I felt Jasper shift beneath me and I glanced up to see him gazing down the street we had turned down.

"I used to ride my bike up and down this street until the streetlights would come on and our mom would yell at me to get inside and eat dinner." His voice was soft, wistful and his eyes were gazing at his surroundings as if he would never see them again. Like he were drinking them all in.

A few minutes later we pulled into a small driveway in front of a quaint yellow house. It was like something from a storybook with its white shutters and porch swing.

I loved it.

"Home," Jasper said, sitting up straighter as the front door opened and Rosalie opened her door, flinging herself down and across the lawn and into the arms of her waiting father.

OooooO

Michael Hale was one of the nicest men I had ever met. He always seemed to be smiling and it was clear to see where Jasper's dimples came from.

But apart from the clear blue eyes that peeked out from underneath his lashes, it was hard to believe that Rose and Jasper were even related to the man.

Mike, as he insisted we call him, had hair as black as an oil slick and his skin had the olive tint of someone who had spent many hours under the sun. He was shorter than Jasper _and_ Rose, standing only to their shoulders. His hands were rough with calluses and his face was scruffy with stubble. He was nothing like his kids, and yet, he was so much the same.

Watching Mike as he flitted around the house, making sure everything was in order, I could see so much of perfectionist Rosalie.

And after only five minutes with Mr. Hale, it was obvious where Jasper got his deep, gravelly smooth voice from.

He was compassionate and intelligent and full of life. It was hard to believe the man who sat cracking jokes about Texas with Emmett, Edward and Jasper had already had more than his fair share of grief.

"He likes you." I jumped slightly when I felt Jaspers hand on my back and his breath on my neck, before quickly leaning into his touch. Lately, it was like I couldn't get enough of it. "He says you remind him of my mom."

I couldn't help it, I laughed at that. The house was still scattered with pictures of Sarah Lynn Whitlock Hale and from what I saw, I was nothing like her. Tall, blonde, elegant. I was her complete antithesis. Her bright eyes were full of life in every picture, even those of her situated in the middle of a hospital bed, with her husband and children beside her, her body frail and feeble.

"Is your dad blind?" I joked quietly, watching out the front window as Rosalie, Emmett and Mike peeked under the hood of Mr. Hale's newest project.

"No," Jasper laughed lightly. "I think what he means is that you're full of life and love and despite everything you've been through, you're still willing to try again. You're amazing, Ali, even if you don't see it yourself."

His hands came around me to wrap around my waist and pull me into him, his chin resting on my shoulder.

"I love you," he barely whispered into my ear before his nose ran up the length of my earlobe, sending shivers down my spine and into my toes with just that simple action.

"I love you, too," I replied, allowing myself to become absorbed in him and him alone.

OooooO

Rosalie was flipping out. Either that or she was going mildly insane. I watched in part amusement and part terror as she flitted through her childhood room, throwing things from the suitcase to the floor, from the closet to the bed, from the bed to the suitcase, and back again.

She wouldn't say what exactly she was looking for, just that it was important and she had to have it before we left for dinner or nothing would be right.

Bella was cowering in the corner by the door and by the way she was glancing at her watch every five seconds, I was guessing we were already late.

"Aha." Rosalie jumped up from where she had been lying on the floor and threw something into her purse quickly before moving to stand in front of the mirror and fix her hair from where it had fallen out of its purposefully messy ponytail. "Now…we can go."

I sighed in relief and let her pass me, giving Bella a relieved sigh from behind her back as she passed.

The boys were already waiting, all dressed to a _T_ in their dress shirts and ties. Jasper smiled as I came into view and was the first to cross the room, helping me slip into my cardigan sweater since we would be dining on the patio at Rosalie's favorite restaurant.

"You look beautiful," he whispered into my ear and I turned in his arms to kiss his lips softly.

Emmett cat called and Rosalie smacked him upside the head while Mike stood off to the side, watching in pure amusement at the antics of his children.

Emmett and Rosalie rode with Michael to the restaurant, leaving Bella and I to put up with ten minutes of arguing over who would drive before finally, I grabbed the keys out of Jasper's back pocket and slid into the driver's seat and Bella called shotgun, leaving the boys in the back to make up.

By the time we reached _Offshores_, the rest of our party was already sitting, waiting with a bottle of wine and guilty smirks on their faces. Something was definitely up.

"Oh, look, a dance floor," Bella said sarcastically as we followed the waiter back to the table and Edward winked in my direction, raising a finger to hush me.

"I really hope he enjoys sleeping on the floor," Jasper said next to me as we reached the table and he pulled my chair out for me.

I laughed and sat down in my seat next to Emmett and across from Mike, who smiled at me broadly before gesturing to my filled wine glass.

I sneaked a glance at Jasper as I took a sip of the wine.

Conversation came easily between all of us and soon we were laughing as Mike recounted tales of how Rosalie used to beat up the boys in the neighborhood before finally they had to enroll her in karate classes. My favorite story, however, was how Jasper had heard a few of the older kids on the street talk about "smoking grass". Being the curious six year old he was, he wanted to try it, and ended up setting off the smoke detectors in the house and burning a hole into his mom's rug and leaving permanent grass stains on the floor.

After we had all polished off a bottle of wine, and Bella had pointedly refused to dance at all, I was pulled to my feet and dragged to the small dance floor at Edward's side where we showed off our skills to anyone that would watch.

I felt a tap on my shoulder after a few songs and I turned, expecting to see Jasper, but instead, I saw Mike.

"May I cut in?" he asked and I nodded.

"Be careful with this one," Edward teased as he let me float into my new partner's arms. "She's awful."

Mike laughed deeply and Edward kissed my cheek before walking back over to the table and resumed his quest to get his fiancé to dance with him.

"So, you love my son?" Mike asked bluntly as we swayed easily to the soft tango beats coming from the speakers. Seemed there was something else Jasper got from his dad.

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?" I laughed.

"I just… I don't want to see him hurt," Mike said quietly, and it sounded like he added something on to the end, but I didn't catch it.

"I would never hurt him," I replied honestly, my voice catching in my throat. "He's… he's everything to me."

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't trying to convince him. I didn't need to; I could tell he knew that already.

"I heard, about what happened to your late husband. And I'm very sorry."

"I am too," I whispered, trying really hard not to let any tears escape from my eyes. "But…"

"But?" Mike asked, one of his eyebrows rose as he stared me down with his clear blue eyes.

"I don't know…I… have you ever wondered if bad things happened so that good things could?"

As soon as the words had left my mouth it was like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I had no idea why I felt this inexplicable urge to say that out loud, to the man I just met only hours before. But it was as though my heart knew what my mind didn't. And what it knew was that I had wanted to utter those words for quite some time now.

I had wanted to voice them to someone so they could tell me what a horrible person I was. So I could hear the honest truth from someone who wasn't biased to my situation.

"So let me get this straight, what you're saying is that your husband died, so that you could meet Jasper?" Mike asked quietly, our feet had stopped moving so much and we were moving in small little squares, our movements stilted.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head lightly. "It sounds so stupid…I just…"

"No." I opened my eyes quickly, looking up to see his face firm and set. "It's not stupid. You know, after Sarah died, I saw my children slowly do the same thing. Rosalie quit taking interest in anything outside of her brother and me. She stopped laughing so openly and her jokes came few and far between. But she got better, over time of course. But Jasper… My poor baby boy."

Mike stopped his words and looked down at our shoes, pulling me along to a tempo that I was sure didn't even match the song that was playing.

"He missed her so much. His heart left him the moment the life left my beautiful wife. I tried everything I could to get him better, but nothing worked. He tried his best to act like everything was okay. He made friends, he went to college, he worked _so_ hard to make other people happy. And yet, through all that, I never once saw _him_ happy. There were moments of course, when I could see my Jay in his eyes, but they were few and fleeting.

"Today, however, today, when he pulled you over to meet me, I could see my boy in his eyes. The boy I never thought I'd see again. You did that, Alice. _You_. So, you ask me, do I think that bad things happen so that good things can? No. I don't think that. I _know _that."

I felt the sob building in my chest and before I could stop myself, I flung my whole body at the man in front of me, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He stiffened for a second before his arms wrapped around me and he patted my back, _shush_ing me while I cried on his shoulder.

"Come on, sugar; let's get back to the table," he said after a moment and I nodded, letting go of him and swiping my fingers under my eyes, hoping I didn't look like _Zorro_.

Rosalie smiled at me as we approached and though Emmett was studiously engaging himself in an inane conversation about the expensive tablecloths with her, I knew they had both seen what went down.

I sat down in my seat, reaching over to grab Jasper's hand and lace his fingers with my own before jumping into the conversation about my favorite type of table linen.

Jasper's hand squeezed mine tightly, letting me know he was there, and I squeezed back, silently saying the same thing.

The waiter came and went, and after I had eaten a lobster the size of my head and danced so much my feet felt like they were made of lead, I was ready to crawl into bed and not wake up for a week or so. But Rosalie and Emmett insisted on dessert and another glass of wine for each of us.

"Why?" I whined as I crossed my leg over my knee and Jasper slid my shoe off my foot, pressing his thumb into my aching arch.

"Because, I said so. That's why," Rosalie ordered. "And I see that, Jay. No foreplay at the table."

Jasper rolled his eyes but let go of my foot, making me groan under my breath.

I sat up straight in my chair and chugged down the remnants of water in my glass before searching around, trying to find our waiter. And that's when I saw her.

She had legs up to her chin and gorgeous, flowing hair down her back that rippled when she walked. She was absolutely gorgeous, and she was heading right toward our table with a huge smile on her face.

"Shit." I turned my head at Rosalie's sudden outburst to see her staring behind me, her eyes wide with horror.

"Wha…" Jasper was cut off as a pair of long, slender fingers wrapped around his head, covering his eyes.

"Guess who?" she sang, her voice soft and lulling and I felt Jasper's hand slide from where it had been resting on my leg.

"Maria."

* * *

**_A/N: Before you throw things!! I'm sorry. I really had to end it there. I start work at a real job next week, so I'm really going to try to get as much of this done as I can before then. I will get sneak peeks out this time though! Promise! All you have to do is hit that little green button and tell me how much you hate cliffies. I know you want to.  
besos!_**


	20. Won't Ever Need Her Again

_**A/N: Incredible thanks to Dollybigmomma and her amazing beta help. Thanks a trillion! I tried something a little different here. Hope you all enjoy it!**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **_

* * *

**Oh my tears are falling down as I try to forget  
her love was a joke from the day that we met.  
All of the words, all of the men  
all of my pain when i think back to when  
Remember her hair as it shone in the sun  
the smell of the bed when I knew what she'd done  
tell yourself over and over you won't ever need her again  
~Jeff Buckley**

**Jasper POV  
Continued**

I felt my blood run cold in my veins and my heart come to a complete standstill at the same time our table did.

My hand, the one that was comfortably resting on Alice's thigh, slowly made its way up to where Maria's long slender fingers were covering my eyes.

"Maria," I said again, louder this time, as I pulled her off of me.

"I've missed you so much," she whispered into my ear and I saw Alice stiffen out of the corner of my eye.

I cursed myself inwardly that I had never told her before and said a silent prayer that somehow she'd understand.

I was shaken out of my silent musings by a sound I'd become accustomed to; my father clearing his throat.

"Maria, my dear," he drawled as he stood up from his seat at the table, always a perfect gentleman, "To what do we owe this pleasure?" Rosalie snorted and dad threw her a glance to which she rolled her effervescent blue eyes.

"I just started working here," she cried, throwing a broad, proud smile in my direction, "In the kitchen. Nothing special, but it's a start…"

"Too bad it's too late," Rosalie said nonchalantly as she picked up her wine glass to take a sip.

Maria stared confusedly between my twin and me. Her coffee colored brow furrowing slightly before finally, her eyes landed on Alice sitting beside me.

Realization dawned on her too perfect features and she blinked in rapid succession, looking back to me.

"Maria," I said finally with a tight nod of my head. "I'd like for you to meet Alice Cullen, the love of my life."

Alice finally looked at me then, and I reached over and grabbed her hand in my own, holding on tightly as I prepared to say the next few words. "Alice, this is Maria Romero, my ex-wife."

Alice's hand went slack in my own and I squeezed her dainty fingers, trying to pull her back to me, trying to keep her just where she was before I lost her.

I could see by the cold look in her eyes and the firm set of her full lips that I had already lost her. My fears were only proven when she yanked her hand from my grasp and set her napkin on the top of her half eaten salad.

"If you'll excuse me," she said dryly, pushing her chair back and standing up.

I was rooted to my spot as I watched her lithe and delicate form disappear through the crowd of people milling around the restaurant.

"Oh, God. Jay, I'm so sorry," Maria cried, covering her mouth with her hands. "I didn't know, I swear."

"Yeah, that always seems to be your excuse doesn't it?" Rosalie snapped before I could even open my mouth. "It's never your fault, or you can never help yourself. Bullshit."

"Rosie," Emmett said as Rose stood up.

"No, Em. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of her. I had to watch my brother go through hell because of her. Because she was selfish and egotistical and thought the world revolved around her. And yet, no one stood up to her. But I'm sick of it. No more, Maria," Rosalie hissed and Maria blinked back against the tears in her eyes as she turned her head away from my sister, looking at me with pleading eyes.

My dad stood up then from his seat and walked around the table and pulled Rosalie into his arms, trying to calm her down, the way he'd been doing since she was a child.

He nodded his head toward the door and raised an eyebrow and I nodded, pushing my chair back, finally and rising to my feet.

Maria moved as though she wanted to go with me but I shook my head before taking off in the direction Alice had vanished.

XxxxxX

She must have stopped off at the coat room to grab her jacket, because it was haphazardly thrown over her shoulders as she stalked down the sidewalk. I jogged to catch up and reached her just as she reached the designated smoking area for the office building next door.

"Can I bum one?" I heard her ask the lone man standing outside with a cigarette between his lips, and I couldn't help but laugh.

She spun around, her eyes narrowed and her jaw set. "What the hell are you laughing at?"

I chuckled again, quieter this time. "Ali, baby, you don't even smoke."

"Are you sure? Because apparently there are a lot of things we don't know about each other," she snapped loudly and over her shoulder, I saw the man quickly extinguish his butt and head back inside.

I sighed, knowing this was coming, and was fully ready to explain everything. But before I could, she jerked herself away from me and turned around to start walking again.

"Where are you going?" I asked after her and she looked over her shoulder.

"I don't know."

I shook my head and with one last glance behind me, set off after her.

XxxxxX

I could tell by the way she was holding her shoulders that she just wanted to be alone. So I respected it. I knew she knew I was following her, and that was enough.

There was no way I would have left her alone in the middle of Dallas, by herself. And she knew it.

She walked for blocks, not stopping, not acknowledging my presence. Just walking. Until finally, she crossed the street and headed through a pair of worn looking, rusted white gates.

It was a park. A park I had been to many times. I could tell, even in the dark with the only light coming from the dim moon and the equally dim lamp posts, that it hadn't changed much since I'd been here last.

She kept walking until she reached the old rickety swing set and sat down on one of the few swings that wasn't broken, or tossed around the top bar so much that you had to jump just to be able to sit in it.

Her feet dragged on the ground below her, kicking up a spray of pea gravel with each back and forth path she made.

I sat down near one of the legs, leaning my back against it as I watched her swing.

"Why?" Her voice was soft and quiet, but there was an edge to it that even I couldn't explain.

"I don't…"

"I told you everything, Jazz. I told you about Jack and about how much I missed him. About how mad I was at him for leaving me and about how perfect and horrible our marriage was. I told you about my childhood and about how I'm afraid of mermaids and yet…you keep this from me. Why?"

I took a deep breath, not really sure how to answer her just yet, because the truth was, even I wasn't sure myself.

So instead, I reached my hand out and up and she caught my gaze, following my arm to where I was pointing to the monkey bars. "I fell off the top of those after Rosalie and her friend, Brittany, dared me to walk across them. I broke my right arm and had to wear a cast for three months. I can write with both my left and my right hand because of that. And you see that duck pond? When my friend, Adam, and I were eight we built little racing boats and stole all of Rosalie's Barbies to captain them. The boats sunk and I'm pretty sure the dolls are still at the bottom of that pond."

I looked back at Alice just in time to see her lips quirk at the corners as she fought a smile.

"I had stitches in my upper lip when Rosalie beat the crap out of me for that one. I got suspended from school for hitting a boy who made fun of my sister; I can't eat gummy worms anymore after my mom decided it was a good idea for us to eat candy for dinner right before she started chemo. If you walk out that far north gate and go about two miles, my mom's grave is there. We used to visit it every Sunday as a family, but I went every Wednesday until I joined the service…"

Alice bit her lip and stared at me as I stood up, brushed off my pants and walked closer to her. I dropped down to my knees in the sand in front of the swing and held on to the chains on either side of her.

"And I didn't tell you about Maria…I couldn't tell you about her, because I didn't want you to hate me. I couldn't let you hate me. You told me about how he left you, Alice, about how he married you and then left…I did the same thing to her. So, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think I was like him. Because, Alice, I swear to you I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I won't leave you. Not unless you ask me to."

Alice bit back a sob before she leaned her forehead against mine and closed her eyes. "I'll hold you to that."

XxxxxX

We walked back to the restaurant hand in hand as I pointed out different things about this side of town. Stupid things I had done as a teenager, places Rose and I used to go with our mom, stories I hadn't told anyone in a long time and Alice drank them in.

When we were about halfway there, I told her about Maria. About how I had met her in college and fallen in lust with her the moment I laid eyes on her. They say hindsight is 20/20, but you never really understand it until you've made a mistake. Maria and I realized our mistake just a little too late. We fought constantly and no matter how hard we tried to make it work, we just couldn't. By the time our second anniversary came along, I was talking children, while Maria was talking travel. I wanted a family badly, while she wasn't ready.

When I wasn't overseas, we took couples counseling and tried to work out our differences, but there were just too many. Maria wanted someone to take care of her. She wanted _me_ to take care of her. She wasn't near ready to take care of someone else. But I stayed with it. I wanted to make it work. I was the only one.

I found out from a buddy of mine that she was cheating on me and I finally got the courage to suggest a divorce on one of my leaves.

That was the last time I saw her, until now. I had woken up in the military hospital near D.C. to my sister and a manila envelope full of divorce papers.

We finally reached the front doors of the restaurant and I could see everyone still sitting at the table, talking and eating dessert.

"Jasper," Alice screeched and jumped into me as Maria came around the corner of the building and into the light from the windows.

I chuckled and Alice punched me lightly in the ribs.

"Hey, Maria," I said quietly, tightening my hold on Alice's hand, which she returned.

Maria smiled and moved to stand closer to the two of us, her eyes locked on our interlinked fingers and a sad smile on her face.

"I really just wanted to say I'm sorry," she shrugged. "I'm sorry I upset you, Alice, I really never intended to do that."

"It's okay, really," Alice smiled and I so badly just wanted to reach down and sweep her up into my arms. How did I ever deserve her?

"Thank you," Maria nodded and then she turned toward me. "And… I talked to your sister while you were gone. I think…well I know she'll never be my friend again, and I'm okay with that, but I really hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me someday. I just really wanted you to know that I did come see you. When you were in Bethesda, the doctors told me you would be okay, but…I couldn't even look at you. You were so swollen and broken and I was scared. So I left before you woke up. Before Rosalie and your dad even got there. I wanted you to have a fresh start. It was the only thing I could really give you. I am sorry, though, that I couldn't give you what you deserved. I just… I wasn't ready. And I'm sorry for that. But then…I'm not. Because I've never seen you so happy, Jay, and I'm glad that even if it's not with me, you've finally found that and maybe someday, you can forgive me, too."

"Thank you, Maria," I nodded. "And I already have forgiven you." I let go of Alice just long enough to pull my ex in for a quick hug. She paused as she pulled away and kissed me on the cheek.

"Take care of her," she whispered before she pulled away from me and reached out to shake Alice's hand. "I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances."

Alice waved her hand like it was nothing as she pulled Maria in for a hug and I saw Maria whisper something into her ear as well which made Alice smile in return.

Maria said goodbye one last time before she disappeared through the back of the restaurant and Alice and I went to join my family again.

Rosalie and my dad were deep in a discussion about what kind of car he should buy next to restore while Emmett and Edward were talking about which amusement park they had to visit first, and Bella was eating the rest of Edward's cheesecake.

"Hey, guys," Alice said as we got back to the table and Rosalie jumped up to come hug her as my dad winked at me from where he stood up in respect of the women.

We sat down and Emmett ordered some more cheesecake while Rosalie grilled Alice on what happened.

Finally, when the waiter had arrived with another three orders of cheesecake, one each for Alice and I and another for Bella, Emmett cleared his throat, halting all conversation.

"As you know… Rosalie and I, well, we, ah… we just wanted to say that… well…"

Rosalie sighed and rolled her eyes, her broad smile negating her irritated tone. "What Emmett is trying to say is that we've decided to get married!"

There was a collective gasp from both Bella and Alice, and Edward clapped Emmett on the back and I tipped my glass to the happy couple.

It wasn't until Rosalie turned to see our dad's expression that I realized something was off.

"Daddy?" Rose said and I looked to see our dad narrowing his eyes, his face the color of puce.

"Dad?" I asked, suddenly worried about just how much takeout our father had been surviving on in our absence.

"Are you…" he asked before clearing his throat and leaning in toward table conspiratorially, "Are you knocked up?"

Rosalie snorted while Emmett let out a booming laugh, and our dad growled as he pointed a finger in Emmett's direction. "I don't see what's so funny about this. If you're in some sort of trouble, that doesn't mean you have to rush out and tie the knot…"

"Daddy," Rosalie interrupted him through her laughter. "I'm not pregnant. And I probably won't be pregnant for a long time. I want to marry him because I love him and I'm not willing to let him go."

Dad narrowed his eyes and Alice giggled, nudging me in the ribs before tilting her head to where Bella sat with tears in her eyes.

I laughed and kissed Alice's cheek as our dad finally gave Rosalie and Emmett his blessing.

And as Alice sat feeding me the rest of her cheesecake, and Rosalie and her talked wedding plans between bites while Emmett got a run down on just what kind of man he really was, I couldn't help but smile. I was surrounded by the people I loved most in the world and we were all happy and healthy. There was only one thing missing.

And hopefully, we'd remedy that soon.

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks so much everyone for the good luck wishes for my job! Trust me, I needed it. If you haven't already, go check out my Rosalie/Emmett story, "Make You Feel My Love" if you like cannon/Post-BD, you'll love it. And don't forget to review for a sneak peek!  
besos!**_


	21. Stay With Me

**A/N: Thanks so much to DollyBigMomma. You're amazing. Irritablegrizzlylover, you're still my girl and I hope everything falls into place. Love ya. This chapter is dedicated to my Twilight biffle mistresselektra who just celebrated her 21st birthday. You sexay beast you!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**Dollybigmomma says that a tissue warning should be issued on this chapter. I'll take her word for it. It seemed that not a lot of you were feeling Jasper's POV in the last chapter. So for this one, we're heading back to Ali-Cat.  
**

* * *

**He's disappearin'  
Fadin' suddenly.  
I'm so close to bein' yours  
Won't you stay with me, please?**  
**~A Fine Frenzy**

**Alice POV**

**August 28th**

The truth was, I'd been putting off visiting Pat and Robert since the day we landed in Texas. It wasn't that I was scared of seeing them. More so, I was terrified of what I'd see when I did visit them. I didn't know if I could handle seeing the impact their only son's death had had on their lives. They were like my second parents. They had loved me, through everything, and I had let them down, just like everyone else. I was only afraid they wouldn't be as easily forgiving.

My hands were shaking so badly that I made Jasper take the wheel. He didn't say much of anything as I pointed him in the right direction. But he held my hand tightly and kissed my knuckles and that was enough.

Finally, we pulled up in front of the sprawling brick house situated next to a small pond, and I pulled my sweaty hand out of Jasper's grip to wring my hands together in front of me. Jasper said something, but I couldn't hear it for the hammering sound my heart was making in my ears.

I was panicking, and I knew it.

"I can't do this," I finally said when I could catch enough breath to breathe, let alone say anything. "I thought I could, but I can't. And now I just wanna go."

I clenched my hands into fists, my nails digging little half moons into my palms that I knew I'd feel later.

And then I felt Jasper. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me over the middle console of the rental, straight into his lap, and I immediately started to calm down. My heavy breathing began to slow and my chest stopped constricting and l leaned into his touch as his lean hands rubbed soothing circles into my back.

"Can… will you come in with me?" I finally breathed, almost afraid he would tell me no.

Instead he leaned his face into my hair and breathed in, kissing me lightly before answering softly, "If that's what you want."

"It is," I replied, more sure than I ever had been before. Because he _was_ what I wanted.

"Alright then," he drawled and his hands rubbed up and down my arms before I finally pulled myself away from him and slid back into my seat, flipping down the visor on the mirror to make sure I didn't look like Smokey the bandit.

Jasper waited patiently as I ran my fingers through my hair and took a few more deep breaths, before I finally slid out of the seat and hopped down to the driveway, meeting Jasper in front of the car as we made our way up the walk, hand in hand.

The house was quiet as we reached the porch. Too quiet. I was so used to seeing this house full of life and love and warmth that it seemed so alien to me. I almost chickened out again. Jasper seemed to read my mind and he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and I mustered up the guts to push the doorbell. I was met by silence.

My eyes watered as I thought of the differences already. It was summer, Pat should be sitting on the porch on her faithful porch swing with sweet tea and lemon bars as Rob mowed the lawn and trimmed up the hedges under her watchful gaze. There should be neighborhood kids running in and out of the door, coming and going from the piano lessons Patty taught. And Jack… Jack wouldn't have rang the doorbell. He would have flung open the door and announced "we're home" without a moment's hesitation.

I gulped back the thickness in my throat and tried to plant a watery smile on my face, just as the front door finally opened.

Pat's eyes widened and her hands came up to cover her mouth as soon as she caught sight of me on the other side of the door. Even through the storm door I could hear her gasp and she quickly pushed open the barrier separating us and pulled me into her arms. She cried into my shoulder and this time, it was my turn to do the calming as I let her cry.

After she had settled down enough, she let go of me and pushed me out at arm's length.

"Alice. It's been so long, sweetheart." She sniffed and I nodded, not really trusting my voice enough not to crack and waver and bring about a new round of tears from either side of us. "Well, come in, come in. Rob will love it that you're here."

Before I could answer, or step foot through the door, she pulled me in for yet another hug, this one drier and tighter.

"I've missed you," she said simply before she pulled back again and kissed my cheek.

"I've missed you, too," I finally said.

The house was dark and quiet as Jasper and I walked inside. Pat hadn't really said anything to Jazz and I figured a formal introduction was coming up soon enough.

Patty filled me in on happenings around town, things I didn't remember but I knew Jack would have, and for that I listened to them.

She sat us down in the living room and disappeared down the hallway that led to the bedrooms, and I closed my eyes, trying to remember what the house had looked like. When Jack was alive, when the curtains were open and the air conditioner was only on when the heat was so sweltering that it was necessary, when it wasn't so musty and it always smelled of freshly baked cookies and cinnamon. I couldn't and that disappointed me. I had never wanted this for them and once again, I was seeing how my own selfishness had affected everyone else.

Jasper sensed my unease and I felt his hand on my thigh, and I placed my hand on top of it, welcoming the distraction, if only for a minute.

Before I could get too relaxed, Pat returned, a small smile on her face as she sat down opposite of us just as Jasper's hand slid back into his lap.

"Rob will be right out. He said he had to get something," she explained. "So, what are you doing all the way in Texas?"

"I um…I…" I stuttered, trying to think of the right thing to say.

"She really wanted to see you." Jasper spoke up suddenly from beside me, and my whole body relaxed again as I nodded in affirmation.

Patty smiled at the both of us and leaned forward a little in her chair. "I don't believe I've met you before…"

"No, ma'am," Jasper said as he leaned forward and reached his hand out. "I'm Jasper Hale."

Patty smiled and let her hand slide into Jasper's and shook it, nodding his head. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jasper. I'm Patricia Brandon."

"No, the pleasure is all mine. And it's wonderful to meet you Patricia," he reassured her and I had to smile at the easiness with which he was talking to her. It seemed that Jasper was slowly becoming a different person. Less guarded, and I could only hope that I had something to do with that.

"So, how do you know Alice?"

"Alice is my best friend," Jasper answered easily and truthfully, because he was my best friend and I was his.

We were spared from any more small talk as a throat cleared from the corner of the room and Robert walked in, bleary eyed and wrinkly, a picture of dishevelment that shocked me even more than the stark contrast of the Brandon house now and how I last remembered it. Robert Brandon was never one to be disorderly and it was only then that I realized just how much Jack's death had taken a toll on his parents.

Before I could even stop and think about it, I was off of the couch and hugging Robert around the neck, my arms tightening as his came up to hug me as well.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," I whispered over and over again as he shushed me.

I knew there were no words that would take away his hurt. I knew I had hurt him myself with my own selfishness and I knew that recovering from the death of a loved one was something that could never be healed completely, but could only be soothed and eased until the pain became nothing but a reminder of what once was. I knew that by me pulling away from them, they had lost not only their son, but the daughter they had never had. They had lost me. And for that, I was truly sorry.

I cried and held on to my second dad for all intents and purposes until my arms were tired and my sobs had turned into quiet hiccups before he finally pulled me away from him and held me at arm's length like his wife had done only minutes before. But there was something different about his gaze. There was the same hurt and pain that had been in Pat's eyes, but there was also comfort and relief. Something I honestly hadn't been expecting.

"It's about time you showed up," he said, a hint of his old jovial self in his words that made my lips quirk up at the corners.

"I'm sorry," I said again, and he nodded, putting my head between his hands and kissing my forehead.

He hugged me again, before he finally let me go and we walked back over to the sitting area. Patty smiled as her husband sat down beside her and took her hand and then she smiled at me, which I returned, and soon enough, we were all smiling.

Pat and Robert listened as I regaled my last year to them, and I listened as they filled me in, however briefly, on theirs. I hadn't realized how much I had missed them. They asked me about Emmett and Bella and my parents. We chatted about the weather and about how Jasper had gotten me a job writing for an actual newspaper, and then it happened.

"So, how long have you and Jasper been dating?" Roberts question made my breath catch and Patty looked back and forth between me and her husband.

I felt like my stomach had plummeted to my feet and the world had tipped on its axis. I didn't know how I was supposed to tell them that my husband, their son, had died and I was already in love again. Moving on, when they so obviously hadn't.

"Patty cakes, why don't you go make some sweet tea and take Jasper outside. I've got something I need to talk to Ali about."

Pat narrowed her eyes but nodded her head and held her hand out to Jasper, who looked at me and quirked an eyebrow. I gulped, but nodded my head, and he stood up, taking her hand as she led him back to the kitchen.

"Come on," Rob said, standing up and shuffling across the carpet toward the hallway he had appeared out of. "I've been waiting a year for this."

I stood up shakily and followed him down the almost pitch black hallway to the second door on the right.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes before stepping in behind him. Into Jack's childhood bedroom.

"You know… Patricia left this exactly how it was when he left for college. And then, when he got married she insisted we buy a queen size bed for the spare room instead of changing this room up any. And then…when he died…well she hasn't been in here since. I think it hurts her too much. She was always coddling that boy, never wanted to put him down when he was a baby. I'm surprised he even learned how to walk. But I couldn't blame her. Jack… he was something else wasn't he?"

I nodded my head as Rob led the way over to the twin size bed that was positioned against the far wall. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleader calendar and poster still hanging next to it.

"Jack planned ahead. He always used to say 'I'm an optimist who plans for the worst case scenario.'" Rob laughed and I smiled, he had said that all the time. Anytime he'd put an extra pair of socks in the car or take ten dollars more than he needed just in case. "Well, Ali, he planned ahead for this, too."

Robert smiled sadly at me as he gestured for me to sit down and then turned to the small white desk that sat below the lone window in the room. I watched in rapt fascination as he opened the drawer and pulled out a small box wrapped in plain brown paper.

"He left this for you. He left one for his mother and I, too, I don't know if I can even open that thing. The thought that my boy is gone… that no one was there with him… it just…" He stopped, shaking his head as though to compose his thoughts once again. "It didn't matter anyway, because I was given strict instructions not to open it until after you had opened yours. I didn't know how long it would take you to get here and I didn't want to give it to you at the burial, you just looked so… you weren't there, Alice. You were there, but you weren't. I knew as soon as I saw your face that I couldn't give it to you like that. So I waited, and then Emmett called to see how we were doing, so I sent him his, and then Bella came and she seemed so much happier, so I gave her hers…But you, I wasn't sure you'd ever get over this, Alice, and I'm glad you seem to finally have moved on. It's what he would have wanted. No… no, I take that back, it's not what he would have wanted, what he would have wanted was to be here with you, but he was a pessimistic optimist, he would have wanted whatever made you happy."

I blinked through the heavy tears that were falling from my eyes as Robert carefully laid the box in my hands and I grasped it with all my might. I had long since abandoned the hope that this was all just a terrible mistake and that Jack would show up on my doorstep at any minute with flowers and a smile and a Johnny Cash song. But I hadn't given up. And that's what he would have wanted. I _knew_ that, and for that, I was proud of myself.

"There's only one thing…" Rob's voice broke me out of my musings and I looked up to see tears falling down his round, wrinkly cheeks that matched my own. "He wanted you to open it alone. You know, that boy was so set on doing this. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him that nothing would happen to him and he wouldn't hear a word of my arguing that if God forbid anything _did_ happen, we'd probably be the last people in the world you'd ever want to see again.

"He was just so persistent and sure that you'd come here and you'd see us. And he didn't want just anyone giving this to you." He smiled as he ruffled the top of my head. "He wants you to open it out in the backyard, by the pond. Jack's orders."

I sniffled and nodded, cradling the box in my hand as if it were our newborn Jacklyn I was holding instead of something from my late husband, but I knew that this meant so much to me, it might as well have been a newborn baby.

Rob walked over to the door and turned the knob. "Dad," I called, stopping him in his tracks.

"Yeah, Ali?"

"Do you mind if I still call you that?" I asked quietly and I heard a low chuckle come from his chest.

"You'll always be our little Ali-Cat," he said with a wink and I nodded in thanks.

"I was just… well… Jasper… I love him," I said honestly, looking up to meet the wizened eyes of my father-in-law.

"Of course you do. I could see it the moment I walked into the living room. And, Ali, he loves you, too."

"I think… I think before you open up your box, you should talk to Jasper. He… he knew Jack. It might…it might make opening that box just a little bit easier."

Rob smiled at me and I got up one last time to hug him tightly.

"Thank you," I said as I let him go and he turned to walk back down the hallway.

"No, darling. Thank you," he said as he started walking away and I walked behind him, intending to go out the backdoor to my destination. "Oh, and Ali-Cat?"

I stopped with one foot in the kitchen as Robert stood on the threshold of the front door. "Yeah?"

"I like the hair."

I laughed to myself as he went out the front, leaving the heavy oak door open behind him as he joined his wife and Jasper on the front porch. And I knew that Jasper would tell them, he would tell them what he told me, and I hoped that just _knowing_ would give them as much peace as it had given me.

OooooO

I sat down on the grass by the pond that stood between Jack's house and the neighbor's yard. It was peaceful out there; the only sounds came from the toads and the crickets that sat hidden in the tall cattails and the _plunk, plunk_ that came from the fish the neighborhood association put in every year for the kids to fish out with their tiny little poles.

I held the box in front of me for as long as I could, just staring at it. I couldn't imagine why Jack would have done this, but then again, I never really understood half the things Jack did. I just…went with them.

When I couldn't stand it any longer, I carefully started peeling the paper away from the sides of the box, taking great care not to rip it too much. I had to laugh at how nicely the boxes were wrapped, and I knew he probably had taken them somewhere to have them professionally done. Jack never wrapped presents; he usually ended up with a mess that looked more like a car had run over it than anything presentable as a gift. It drove me nuts.

I laughed a little as I finally got the last remnants of paper off and stared down at the plain white box in my hand. It wasn't any bigger than a toddler's shoebox, but already my heart was thumping at the prospect of what might be inside.

With trembling fingers I slowly opened it, and my breath caught. On top of everything sat a picture of Jack and I. My hair was sweaty and I was wearing one of his huge t-shirts and a pair of cut off sweats. I remembered the picture as thought it happened yesterday. I had been washing dishes and singing along to the radio, my hair piled up on top of my head haphazardly because I was hot and we were trying to cut back on our electric bill. Jack had been gone all day long for work when suddenly I felt his arms wrap around me and he kissed my neck, and I laughed just as he snapped a picture.

I had never seen that picture, until now.

I lifted it up slowly, looking at it longingly, letting myself remember that day and all it had meant to me, and to him.

I swiped at my cheeks, trying to dry them, as I looked underneath the picture to see a plain white envelope that bulged out in the middle. I picked it up carefully, scared to disturb whatever was in it in case it was breakable.

As soon as my hands shifted it though, and I heard the jingling inside of it and I knew what it was.

I held my palm open and dumped the dog tag filled chain out into it, but stopped when I saw a flash of glittering gold. Nestled between the tags was the shiny gold ring I had given to Jack the day we were married. It was as I was fingering the solid ring of gold that I saw the hand written letters on the lid of the box. _"Read the letter, Ali-Cat."_

I snorted out a laugh and picked up the last thing in the box; yet another envelope, this one smoother and less noisy than the last.

I opened it carefully, pulling out the letter and opening it as slowly as I could. I pulled down the last fold and a dried and pressed pink rose flitted down to land on my thigh.

Perplexed, I picked it up and held it in my left hand while I read the letter with my right.

_Ali-Cat, _

_ I know I'm probably the last person you ever expected to hear from again. I mean, you always used to tell me to shut up and yet here I am, dead, and still telling you to do things. _

"**That's not funny,"**I groaned out loud before I continued reading.

_"Yeah, you're right. That wasn't funny. But, hey, you were always the only one to get my sense of humor. And for that I loved you. But… I also loved you because you're smart, and beautiful and have the kindest heart of anyone I had ever met. You're lively and jovial and you knew how to make me smile even when I was pissed off at everything. You didn't take my shit and you could dish it just as well as you could take it. You knew all of my faults, all of my secrets, and yet, somehow, you miraculously still loved me. I could never quite understand it, but I'm glad you did. Because I would never have become the man I was without you in my life. I will always be thankful for the time I had with you, Ali. No matter how short it happened to be. _

_I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving you without one final word from me. And even now, as I write this and you dance around trying to act all cute as you 'make dinner' which just so happens to come from the freezer… in a box…and takes only fifteen minutes… It hurts to know that I might not get to see this anymore. I might not hold you in my arms and kiss your little nose. And I just can't leave it like that. So I wanted to tell you, Ali-Cat, that I love you. More than you can ever know. I know I did you wrong. I left you, when you needed me most. I put something else above you and while I know I'll never be able to forgive myself, I've made peace with it, and I hope that someday, you will, too. _

_So… I wanted to help you do that. You ask me everyday why I hate that photo of us that sits beside our bed and I never really explain it to you. But today, I'm going to tell you. The photo in this box is one I've spent many hours just staring at. Longing for you to be in my arms again, leaning into my touch. I never liked that picture on your nightstand because it wasn't us. That picture… it was posed, it was perfect and it was forced. But, Ali, that isn't us. We aren't perfect, we're far from it. We fight like cats and dogs and sometimes I really just wish you would shut up and let me have the last word sometimes. But I wouldn't change it for the world, because for all those imperfect moments, we have a thousand moments that are perfect __**for**__ us. Moments that will stay with me forever, just like this picture. _

_And for the ring…well you're gonna laugh, but I found it two days after you bought me that crappy mood ring. It was in the cup holder in my car. But, honestly, I liked the mood ring better. Because it was us. Impractical, kind of corny, and one hell of a story. So ever since then I've kept my wedding band on my dog tags. I could never part with it, and I always wanted it close to me. But now…now it's yours. And I hope Emmett has learned to follow directions since my passing and gave you the mood ring, too. _

_The flower, well, if you don't remember it, I am sorely disappointed. Because it's the one you wore in your hair on our wedding day. _

_And that's why I'm writing this letter in the first place. Because I love you, Ali, with all my heart and with every fiber in my being. And I hope to hell you know that by now, but sitting here, thinking about you heartbroken about me leaving you, living a lonely life, it's one thing I never ever want to think about. So that's why I'm telling you now that no matter what, Alice, you have to move on. You have to keep going and you have to know it's okay. Because you deserve to be happy. And that's all I've ever wanted. Just…make sure he treats you right. I'm not afraid to come back and haunt the ever living snot out of him if he's not. _

_Go on, Alice, be happy, make lots of little pretty Alice babies. Live, Laugh, Love, Remember. _

_I love you,__  
Forever and Always,  
Jack Brandon

* * *

_

_**A/N: This story is starting to wind down. Review for a sneak peek and I promise it will be worth your while. **  
_


	22. Led Me Straight To You

**A/N: Many, many thanks to my wonderful betas Dollybigmomma and irritablegrizzlylover. I am a huge, huge fan of dolly's story "Blue Monday" and if you haven't read that, you must do that as soon as you finish this chapter. And to Haley, I never would have published this story if not for your endless praise. Em, Kim and E, thanks for keeping me off the ledge. And thank you to everyone who reviewed consistently or whenever they felt the urge, you guys are what kept me going. Just knowing that people are actually reading, makes me want to write again and again. **

**I felt that I must say this now before you go any further. I do not have a medical degree. Nor, would I ever be able to get one thanks to my squeamish stomach. I researched as much as I could and used some personal references, but I'm not pretending that I got all the details. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

**Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you  
~Rascal Flatts**

**Alice POV  
September 13th**

"Just sit still and shut up," Rosalie demanded as she attacked Bella's eyebrows with the tweezers. I smirked and continued my rifling through Bella's closet as Angela giggled from where she sat in the corner. "Laugh all you want, Ang. You're next."

I couldn't help but laugh as I glanced back just in time to see Angela's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates and she blanched. It had been Rosalie's idea for us girls to go out to celebrate Bella's birthday and bachelorette party at the same time. Of course, Bella had fought us tooth and nail over it, but in the end, we had won.

"Okay, I'm done," Rosalie announced. "Go get dressed. And, Ang… park it."

Bella and I both chuckled at Angela's expression as she slinked over to the seat in front of Rose before Bella took the clothes I had finally chosen for her and headed into the master bathroom, shutting the door and locking it behind her.

I took the time to fix my hair, making a mental note to go get another trim in the next few days, and then put the finishing touches on my makeup. Bella was still in the bathroom, no doubt trying to find ways to get out of wearing the skirt and top I had chosen.

"Ta-Da!" Rosalie sang as she brushed Angela's freshly curled hair back over her shoulders and held up the mirror for her to see.

Angela smiled and checked herself out before getting up to grab her dress off the bed and headed to the bathroom down the hall as Rosalie started fixing her makeup in the mirror over Bella's dresser.

"I'm going to go change," I said, giving up on waiting for Bella.

Rosalie waved flippantly over her shoulder as I left the room in search of an open bathroom, my favorite pair of jeans tucked safely under my arm and my new shirt carefully held on its hanger. I took the stairs slowly, making my way to the bathroom situated near the living room.

After three minutes and twelve unsuccessful tries at getting my pants buttoned, I gave up and admitted defeat. I, Mary Alice Cullen, who had been the same pant size since my junior year in high school, couldn't wear my favorite pair of jeans.

_Shit. _

I sat on the toilet seat, trying to prevent myself from hyperventilating as I heard footsteps on the stairs. We were leaving for the club in twenty minutes, and if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I was not going to go tell my best gir friends that I was too fat to fit in my jeans. Stupid pride.

I took a few deep breaths and stood up, sucking in with everything I had, trying to clasp the button to no avail.

"Alice?" I jumped as Bella's voice came through the door, followed by a few soft knocks.

"Yeah…?" I said, trying to even out my voice from the hysterical tone I was sure was currently floating through worse than the Hale's accents.

"What's wrong?" I rolled my eyes. I had known Bella since we were kids; I should have known I would never be able to hide anything from her.

I didn't answer, just opened the door, my pants still unbuttoned as I stood there in my jeans and bra. "They won't fit."

Bella's brow furrowed as her eyes scanned over my surely frazzled appearance until they landed on the jeans. "Oh, honey."

"God, when did _I_ get fat?" I said, knowing I sounded like a whiny three year old and not really caring.

Before Bella could answer Rosalie appeared behind her; looking sickeningly beautiful in an all white sheer tank top with dark black jeans adorning her bottom half. Her blonde hair flowing down her shoulders like a waterfall. I wanted to die.

"Hey, bitches, you ready…" she stopped, her violet eyes taking in the scene before her as I was on the verge of tears and Bella was looking down at me with pity.

"No. I'm not ready, okay? I can't fit into my pants and I have nothing else to wear," I finally snapped, breaking the silence as I collapsed back down on the toilet seat and put my head in my hands.

I felt, more than heard, as both Bella and Rosalie pushed into the bathroom with me and closed the door behind them. Then I felt Rosalie's hands on my hair, pushing a few of the misbehaving spikes back into the messy disarray I had perfected.

"Alice, honey…" she said softly and I couldn't help it, I looked at her. "Are you… are you pregnant?"

I felt tears pool in my eyes and I shook my head. "Not possible."

"Birth control doesn't always work, Ali, just because…"

"No," I said again, stopping Bella before she could finish. "I'm not pregnant because I've only had sex with Jasper once… months ago."

"When was your last period?" Rosalie asked cautiously.

I froze. Not because I wasn't sure, but because I was. It had been exactly two months since my last period. And two months and eight days since I had found out at the doctors that I wasn't pregnant.

"A few weeks ago," I lied quickly, avoiding both of their gazes. "Maybe I'm just bloated."

"Yeah. Of course," Rosalie smiled and her arms wrapped around me. "Why don't we go raid Bella's closet and see what we can find. I'm sure she's got something in there that doesn't look like it came from the Salvation Army."

"Hey!" Bella protested as Rosalie chuckled and I forced a weak smile.

I ended up borrowing a pair of ripped jeans from Bella that she had only worn to paint in. I tried to enjoy the rest of the night, pushing any nagging thoughts of what was going on inside my body, out of my head. Anytime I let me guard down, though, those same thoughts would plague my mind. All the what-if's; What if this was the universe's way of telling me that I shouldn't have moved on yet, that I should still be mourning over Jack. Or more so, what if this was a way of taking the one thing that had kept me _from_ mourning over Jack.

I felt nauseous just thinking about it.

Bella shot me knowing glances, anytime I was in eye range. Of course she would know something was up. Even if I didn't want to admit it.

I cut the night short. Apologizing and blaming it on cramps.

The house was dark when the cab pulled up in front of my house and for that, I was glad. I didn't know if I could handle talking to Jasper. Not without telling him my fears and for now, I couldn't.

Thankfully, I didn't have to. The note on the fridge said Emmett had enlisted him to throw Edward an impromptu bachelor party and that he'd be back late. So I dragged myself upstairs and threw on one of Jasper's button up shirts and climbed between the sheets. I wanted to forget it. I wanted to pretend nothing was up. But even I couldn't deny that something was wrong, and sooner or later, I'd have to find out what it was.

OooooO

It was like a bad case of déjà-vu, sitting on the cold table, the paper crinkling beneath my butt as I tried not to fidget out of nervousness. The walls of the room were seemingly closing in on me.

I hadn't told anyone what I was doing. I hadn't told them that two weeks later I still hadn't gotten my period and my doctor had wanted to run a variety of tests. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. Not Jasper, not Bella, or my parents.

I hadn't broached the subject, and when Bella had tried to bring it up I had made excuses and bold faced lied.

A series of quick raps on the door alerted me to the presence of the doctor right outside my room. I took a deep breath just as the door opened and Kate walked in. Her eyes were trained on the clipboard in front of her and she looked up just long enough to smile at me and sit down on the stool in front of me.

I felt the lump rise in my throat as she continued to read, the smile she had given me slowly receding from her lips with each word she read. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"Well…" Kate started, her lips slightly pursed. "It seems your ovaries might have gone into anovulation. I'd like to run some more tests, and give you a temperature chart to help monitor your ovulations, but it seems like this is the only possible explanation for your missed cycles."

"So… what does this mean?" I asked quietly, as though the louder I said it, the more real it would become.

"It means that… it's going to be hard for you to become pregnant. We can prescribe Clomid to see if that will kick start your ovaries into producing eggs again, but it's never a sure thing…"

I tried listen as Kate explained the pro's and con's of each treatment, but with each passing sentence one thing rang through my head. _I might never get pregnant._

I cried on the way home. My tears blurring the cars around me. I couldn't understand why this would happen now when everything had been going so great.

I couldn't make any sense of it, of anything anymore. But one thing ran through my mind. _Jasper had wanted a family. _

He was ready. And now I couldn't give it to him.

I was thankful for the empty house as I pulled into my driveway and somehow made it into the house before collapsing onto the couch.

Jasper was late that night. I heard his car pulling into the drive and I tried to wipe at my tears, erasing the evidence. I had thought long and hard about what I had to do, and as far as I was willing to allow myself to think, I was ready.

"Ali…" he called as he came in through the side door, and I heard his keys hit the counter.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "In here."

His footsteps sounded heavy and my heart pounded in my chest for the five seconds it took for him to get from the kitchen into the living room.

"Hey, babe," he said as he sat down on the couch. "How was your day?"

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice enough to open my mouth. But then he saw my face.

"Ali. Alice, what's wrong?"

"I think…" I started, my voice wavering on every syllable. "I don't think we should be together."

"What?" he asked, thoroughly perplexed, his eyes narrowing at me.

"I don't… I'm not ready for this, Jazz. I thought…I thought I could do it, but I can't."

Jasper was already shaking his head, his too long blonde hair falling into his eyes. "Bullshit."

I swallowed thickly against the tears and the bile. "What?"

"That's bullshit, Alice, and you know it," he said, louder this time. "I want to know what the hell is going on with you right now."

"I…"

"And don't lie to me," he cut me off and his gaze captured mine. His blue eyes were intense, the most intense I'd ever seen them, as he stared me down. Challenging me. It was then that I saw it. He was ready to fight. For me. Against me. Either way, he was willing and he wasn't going to stop until he won.

"I can't give you what you want, Jasper. I… I can't give you a whole heart because mine's already been had before. It's been shattered into a million pieces and I don't think it will ever, ever be whole again. And I can't give you any firsts because I've already had them as well… and I can't… I can't even give you a family, Jasper. I don't deserve you." I stopped, my breath coming in short bursts as it tried to catch up with my heart.

Jasper shook his head. "Bullshit. I'm calling your bluff, Alice."

"You don't understand…"

"I don't understand? You know what, Alice, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't understand why the hell you do this to yourself. Maybe I don't understand why you always have this look in your eye that tells me that even when you're here, right here," he picked up my hand and brought it up to lay on his chest, over his heart, "With me. You still miss him. You think of him. I don't expect you to stop. You loved him, I get that. He loved you. There's no doubting that. But he's gone and I'm here. And I'm willing to take whatever I can get of your heart, Alice. Be it the whole thing or one piece of a million. I'll bring a damn glue stick if I have to and put every piece back together. I'm not giving up on you. Ever.

"And we will have firsts, Ali. We'll have our firsts. _Our _ I wouldn't want it any other way. I just want you."

His hands let go of mine to brush away the tears that were cascading down my face and he pulled my head to him, kissing my forehead.

"I can't give you a family, Jasper. I can't… I can't have a baby."

"How do you know?" he asked, pushing me away from him to look in his eyes and I looked away, not wanting to see the disappointment there.

"I went to the doctor today. I've missed so many periods, Jazz… I just… she said I have anovulation. Chances are very slim that I'll be able to get pregnant on my own."

"So that's what this is about?" he asked, the corner of his lips pulling up in a smirk.

"You just… you're ready for a baby. And I can't give you one. I'm broken."

"Oh, Ali-Cat. You're not broken," he sighed, pulling me into him again.

His hands rubbed soothing patterns onto my back and I felt his lips brush against my hair more than once before he finally pushed me back and my heart sank. It had sunk in; the reality of what I was saying had finally caught up to him. I was going to lose him.

He stood up, and walked out of the room, stopping in the hallway to open up the coat closet and pull out his gray pea coat before walking back to me.

"I wanted to do this differently… I had everything planned, actually… but I guess this will have to do," he laughed darkly before he sank down on one knee in front of me and pulled his hand from the pocket of the coat, producing a small gray box.

"Mary Alice Cullen Brandon. I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I knew what I was getting into and I still know what I'm getting into. I will love you, through thick and thin, the good times and bad. Babies or no babies. And I want you to be mine. Forever. Ali, will you marry me?"

My breath caught and my heart stopped as he flicked open the box to reveal a white diamond engagement ring.

I couldn't do anything more than nod my head and launch myself into his arms as he caught me and kissed me.

"I love you," I finally choked out through the sobs and he chuckled, reaching between us to grab my hand. "Wait."

I pulled my hand from him and he looked at me, perplexed, until I slid off my wedding band and closed it into my palm.

"You sure?" he asked as I pushed my hand back into his.

"Positive." I smiled as he slid the ring onto my finger and I leaned into him, kissing him once again.

_OooooO_

I didn't want a big wedding and neither did Jazz. We'd both had that before, and Jasper was right. This was about _our _firsts; together.

So in front of our family and friends three days after Bella and Edward got back from their honeymoon, we were married.

It was perfect, and it was us and we were happy.

We both had our days. Days when I would doubt myself and days when Jasper would revert back to the person he had been when I'd first met him. But we dealt with it.

Bella confessed a month after my wedding that she was three months pregnant. She cried, not knowing how I would handle it. To tell the truth, I was jealous. I couldn't help it. But that quickly passed. I was happy for her. She was my best friend and she and Edward were perfect for each other, and they'd be great parents.

Four months and ten days later, after I had kissed Jasper goodbye and finished the edits on my latest article for the newspaper, I got into my car and drove to the familiar gates.

The cemetery was completely empty, and for that I was glad. I wanted…no I needed to be alone for this.

His grave looked the exact same as it had the last time I had visited it and I briefly wondered who was keeping up with the steady stream of flowers that sat in the vase on the base.

I smiled as I rubbed my thumb down the hard marble surface.

"Hey," I finally said. I cleared my throat. "It's been awhile. I'm sorry. I just… I wanted to say a few things to you and I think for once, maybe you'll listen. At least, I hope you will because I really have to get this off my chest.

"I read your letter… Thanks for that. I just… I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for keeping me safe and thank you for thinking of me. Thanks for not giving up on me, even when things got hard. And… thanks for being you. I miss you. Every day, I miss you. But… I finally remembered. What you said. What you were trying to tell me when I would dream about you."

I took a deep breath, trying to fill my lungs with as much of the brisk March air as I could. "I didn't want to go see you off with all the other army wives. I hated that you were going and I didn't want you to go. And I was being a brat and you said that. You said 'Ali, you're being a brat. It's a good thing I love you.' But you didn't make me go. You just got your stuff together and said goodbye to me in the living room. And I watched you walk out the door before you turned around and pointed your hat at me and said 'No matter what, Ali, just remember that even in the darkness, light will find you. You just have to let it in.'

"Jasper is that light. I just had to let him in," I nodded my head. "I did. I finally did."

I stopped, feeling someone's eyes on me.

"You?" I asked. "You bring the flowers?"

Jasper smiled sheepishly and nodded his head, holding out the bouquet of yellow roses he held in his hand. "I hope you don't mind…"

"Of course not," I said quickly. "How long have you…"

"Since I got here… since I met you, at least once a week."

I smiled and reached my hand out to pull Jasper over with me. We put the flowers in the vase together and arranged them perfectly.

I kissed my fingers, reaching out to touch the stone once more before I stood up and dusted the dirt off my knees and held my hand out to Jasper.

He grabbed it and got to his feet, pulling me into his side as we both looked down at the ground in front of us.

"I love you," I finally said and from the way Jasper's arm tightened around my waist, I think he understood that I was talking to both of them.

OoooO

"Hey, Ali-Cat." I jumped and turned around, smiling when I saw Jack leaning up against the wall. "I was wondering when you'd show up again."

"Me?" I laughed, "I was waiting for you."

"Figures." He smirked as he came closer. "You always were stubborn. Took you long enough, though."

"Long enough for what?" I asked, smiling.

"That," he said, his finger tapping the edge of my nose. "Smiling so hard your nose crinkles. He's good for you, ya know."

"I know," I said.

"Good. As long as you do." He winked and then pulled me into him, hugging me tightly as he started swaying to music I couldn't hear. "I just wanted to say good-bye."

"Is this the last time I'll see you?" I asked, biting my bottom lip.

"Eh. That depends. Like I said, he breaks your heart, I'll haunt his ass."

I laughed. "He won't."

"Yeah… I know," he sighed. "So, yeah. I guess this is goodbye."

I nodded my head as he bent down to kiss my forehead and then twirled me around, letting go as my body got farther away from his. "I love you," I said quietly as another set of arms wrapped around me and my eyelids fluttered open slowly.

I looked up at Jasper's sleeping face and I craned my neck up to kiss the light stubble on his jaw line.

"I love you," I whispered and Jasper's arms tightened his hold on me.

* * *

**A/N: If you haven't guessed by now. This is the last chapter of To Love Again. I have a short epilogue, if you guys want it. So let me know.  
Besos**


	23. To Love Again

_**A/N: Happy weekend before Harry Potter comes out! So sorry for the wait. I have a thousand excuses, but I know none of you want to hear them. I owe a thousand 'Thank you's' to my betas Dollybigmomma and Irritablegrizzlylover. Without them, this story would never have come this far. I owe you guys, big time. And if you haven't checked out their stories, please do as asap. Dolly's story "Blue Monday" is one of my all time favorites. Also, thanks to my threesome, Kim, Em, and E. You guys are awesome. Thanks for putting up with me. Lemons are between the X's so if you don't want to read them, please feel free to skip ahead.  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **_

* * *

**I, I am a one way motorway  
I'm the one that drives away  
then follows you back home  
I, I am a street light shining  
I'm a wild light blinding bright  
burning off alone**

**It's times like these you learn to live again  
It's times like these you give and give again  
It's times like these you learn to love again  
~Foo Fighters**

**Alice POV**

**3 years later**

The squeals made my smile grow even wider as I chased the two little blondes around the backyard, my hands forming claws as I tried my hardest _not_ to catch them. Finally, I gave up and scooped the nearest one up in my arms, squeezing her tummy as I situated her in my arms.

"Alright, you guys." I stopped tickling Emmalie long enough to look to the back porch where her mom stood with her hands on her hips, her very pregnant belly preceding her through the sliding glass door. "I think you've worn out Aunt Ali enough. Come eat."

I laughed again as Emmalie slipped from my grasp and landed lithely on her feet, having already gained the grace of her mom and uncle, before she plowed straight into her little brother, knocking him face down on the dirt.

"Emmalie Ann!" Rosalie cried as she tried to waddle over to her now crying almost two-year old.

"It's okay, Ro," I chuckled as I beat her there and picked him up, dusting off his clothes and wiping his face free of dirt. "Isn't it Eugene?"

Rose rolled her eyes at the nickname Jasper and I had bestowed upon him. It really was her fault for wanting to name him after her father: Michael Eugene.

Michael nodded his little head full of blonde curls and leaned over to blow a raspberry on my cheek before catapulting himself out of my arms and into his mom's.

"Thanks for watching them, Al," Rose said as we started walking back toward the house.

"Not a problem," I said automatically. "What'd the doctor say?"

"He said if I don't go into labor within four days he'll think about inducing. Stupid quack."

"You're only three days past your due date," I laughed.

"Yes, and that's three days too long," Rose growled.

I laughed again as I kissed both Emmalie and Mike goodbye and grabbed my things off the back of the couch.

"Are you sure you can't stay?" Rose asked, looking absolutely exhausted. "Bella and Edward are bringing Liz and Anthony over. And Ang talked about coming with Jackie."

"I'm sure," I nodded, slipping my arms into my coat. "I've got something to do."

Rosalie sighed. "Okay."

"Tell Emmett he owes me big. I still can't believe he taught Emma how to body slam," I said, rubbing my back as I headed toward the door.

"God, not again," Rosalie groaned as I opened the door and stepped outside, just in time to hear Michael start wailing from the kitchen.

I chuckled and pulled my scarf around my neck, covering my face from the bitter cold wind as I crossed the street and walked up the front steps of my house.

It was dark and silent and warm. I relished in that as I went upstairs, checking the clock as I went.

I had two hours to get ready. I grabbed the marinated chicken out of the fridge and put it in the oven, turning it on and setting the timer like my mom had told me to do, before bounding up the stairs and into the bathroom. I ran a bath and mixed in some of the lilac bath oil Bella had gotten me for a birthday present before I stripped down and sank down as far as I could into the hot, scented water.

I let my mind go for the first time that day, forgetting about the deadline I was currently working against on my latest column and trying not to think about the mountain of bills I had to sort through. Closing my eyes, I rested my head back against the tile backsplash, and let my body relax.

I was startled out of the sleep I had dozed off into when two warm hands were wrapping around my waist, pulling me up. The water was still hot, so I knew I hadn't been asleep for that long, as Jasper slid in behind me.

"You looked so peaceful; I couldn't help but join you," he whispered huskily into my ear. His voice alone sent tingles up and down my spine. "Hope you don't mind."

"I don't," I smiled, leaning back into him.

He kissed the curve of my neck lightly as I picked up the bar of soap and his foot. "Let me."

I tried to concentrate on soaping his foot, but his hot mouth ran across my neck, lifting the baby curls around my neck that hadn't grown out with the rest of my hair right around my hairline. His fingers were a cold heat across my skin as his hands slipped across my shoulders. Each touch sent shivers down my spine.

"Jazz," I whispered before I turned my neck around to kiss him. Dropping the soap, I slipped my hand into his scalp, gripping his hair to hold his head still so I could crush my lips into his.

"Ali," he murmured, slipping his hands around my stomach. I shivered- I had so much to tell him. "I love you."

**XxxxX**

His fingers grazed my nipple. "Keep doing that," I said softly. I moaned as his gentle touches made my nipples harden. His mouth went back to that one spot right under my ear on my neck that drove me wild. "Jazz!" I cried out. He didn't stop, but went on to my other breast; he caught my earlobe between his teeth, strumming it with his tongue.

His other hand slipped down, under the water, and I gasped in anticipation. I placed a hand on top of his although he was familiar enough with my body that he knew what to do. His fingers hit my bundle of nerves, I cried out. "Come for me, Ali," he said into my ear. Parting my legs even further and clenching my stomach muscles, my back arched. "I love it when you come." I felt his breath on the back of my scalp. I didn't want his hands ever leaving these two erogenous zones of my body- I could feel his member hardening against the small of my back. His finger dipped into my entrance just a bit while his thumb circled my nub with increasing speed.

I sucked breath between my teeth, trying to hold onto the feeling. I wanted to go over the edge so badly for him- my whole body was vibrating so hard the water was beginning to slosh against the sides. "Oh God!" I cried. He squeezed me close to his torso. The humidity on his torso was warm and slippery- I rubbed against him in an effort to feel his prick. I wanted to climax- I panted in frustration.

"I love you, Ali," he muttered into my hair. That's all it took for me. Those three little words drove me over the edge. I shuddered from inside out as the intensity of his stroking died down.

"That was all it took," I murmured. "Hearing you say 'I love you, Ali.'"

"Did you actually think you're getting away without getting me off?" he asked, his grip tightening slightly, a small, teasing smirk on his lips.

I laughed, a little hysterically, as I turned around carefully in the water and straddled him. "Is this good?" I asked.

"Great," he said. I pressed my hands against his slick shoulders- his puckered skin was familiar now- I could trace the railroad tracks across his body in my sleep. Nobody saw them but me, it kind of turned me on.

His member was sticking straight up in anticipation of me. I bypassed it to press a kiss to his mouth. He moaned slightly at the pressure. I felt his tongue dart across my lower lip, wetting it down. I pressed myself against him, rubbing my hardened nipples against his hot skin. "Alice, you're being a tease," he said between kisses. "Get on with it." The tip of his cock was against my entrance, now.

Closing my eyes, I tried to relax myself enough to lower myself down on him- slowly. We both moaned at this acceptance of him- he still filled me completely, stretched me, even.

"Alice," he moaned. "Alice, Alice..."

My thighs and hips were clenched, holding him. I lifted myself, my entrance milking his member, clenching my walls down on him. His eyes clenched shut and I kissed them before starting the full-on assault. I began to hump him, stopping to pulse on top of him, grinding, alternating with long, slow undulations. Water splashed all over the sides of the tub onto the bathroom tiles and I had to slap my hands against the back wall of the bathtub for balance. His eyes snapped opened, looking a little drunk. I felt the nerve ends in my nub stimulated again as his hands slipped onto my hips. "Come with me," he said. "I'm about to come, Ali-cat, come with me!"

"I can't," I whispered, panicking.

He squeezed my butt cheeks and closed his eyes, again. "Please," he whispered in his husky voice. He was holding out for me to come with him. "Please." A new shiver ran down my spine at that husky voice's request. I felt him release his seed inside me and the reminder sent me over the edge. I gasped in excitement. Only Jasper could do this to me. My second orgasm came in tiny gasps and shivers. He brought me into his arms, squeezing me, pressing my head onto his shoulder.

**XxxxX**

"I love you, Jasper," I said quietly, kissing the rough skin on his shoulder.

"I love you, too, Ali-cat," he almost purred, his rough hands reaching down to pull my face to his.

His kiss was gentle and undemanding, but held so much in it. His love, his hope, his faith, everything we were.

He pulled away when we were both breathless, kissing my cheeks and the tip of my nose before pushing me away enough to stand up, dragging me along with him.

I barely registered that he had turned the shower head on, rinsing away the remnants of our love making, his arms still wrapped tightly around me.

I let him take care of me, washing my now shoulder length hair and rinsing it clean of suds under the stream of water before turning us to switch places.

He jumped out first, grabbing a towel and slinging it around his waist before grabbing another out of the linen closet and holding it out for me.

"Careful," he said as I stepped out, the towel grasped between my fists as I tried to wipe some of the water off of my face. "The floor's sopping. You'd think you'd know how to control yourself."

He shook his head in mock disappointment and I punched him lightly in the back before heading into the bedroom and searching for the dress I had planned to wear for the evening.

I jumped when Jasper's hands wrapped around my middle, pulling me into his naked form again, as we stood in the middle of our closet.

"Forget the clothes," he mumbled, kissing my exposed and slightly damp shoulder.

"No," I laughed as I leaned back into him and then pushed away, looking for the dress I wanted so desperately to find.

Jasper wasn't having any of that as he pulled me back into him and tightened his hold. "I'm not hungry," he insisted. "Let's just stay in here for the rest of the night. In our room. In the bed. Under the covers…"

"Tempting," I said as my fingers finally grasped on to the familiar blue silk and I reached up on my tip toes to pull the hanger down. "But no."

"Oh, Babe…" he groaned and I rolled my eyes before pulling completely away from him. I knew if I gave in, I'd never get my plans underway and then my perfect evening would be ruined.

"Give me an hour," I said, heading back to the bathroom. "I promise you won't regret it."

He opened his mouth to argue but I shut the door and clicked the lock, something we never did, so he would know I was holding my ground.

I opted for the easy route, and threw my hair into a chignon twist, knowing it probably wouldn't last long anyway, before slipping my dress on over my head. Sighing when I realized it would probably be the last time I would wear it.

I sighed and examined myself in the mirror, backing up as far away from the mirror as I could as I turned to the side and then all the way around.

Yup, definitely the last time.

I finally decided I looked about as good as I would and took a few deep breaths, opening the door and peeking out. Jasper wasn't in the bedroom and I smirked as I stepped out of the bathroom and walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. I smiled to myself as I passed the door to the living room where the soft sounds of a guitar were drifting through the air.

I stopped by the door, listening to the soft sounds, closing my eyes as each note rang through my ears. It was always a treat to listen to him play, and even more of a treat when, on those rare occasions, he would sing for me.

"Alice?" I was jolted out of my admiration by Jasper's soft voice.

"Yeah?"

"What's that smell?" he asked and I heard him set his guitar down. I stiffened, taking a deep breath as the acrid smell of smoke hit my nostrils.

I screamed and Jasper was beside me in an instant, pushing me towards the front door as he bolted towards the kitchen.

I was frozen, my hands supporting me against the wall behind me as I heard a whooshing noise from the kitchen. A few seconds later Jasper came back into the hallway, his face tense as he carried a fire extinguisher I didn't know we even had, in his left hand.

"Why didn't you get out?" he asked as he came toward me and I opened my mouth to answer but no words would come. Instead, the tears did.

My shoulders shook and I sobbed uncontrollably as Jasper dropped the fire extinguisher and came to me, wrapping me up in his arms, kissing every inch of my face he could manage.

"Are you alright?" he asked, over and over again and I nodded as best I could, though the tears were still streaming down my face. "Ali-cat. Sugar, please, tell me what's wrong."

I hiccupped, trying to gain composure before I looked up into his face. He had smoke smudges on his cheek and sweat beaded along his hairline and before I had even opened my mouth to speak, the tears started again.

"Mary Alice." Jasper's voice was stern as he pushed me out at arm's length, his eyes beseeching. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I…I tried so hard…I just wanted everything to be perfect but it wasn't because I'm a horrible wife…and I can't even cook for you. What am I going to do if I can't make a bottle… the baby will starve because I'm a horrible mother who can't feed her child or her husband…and I'm a failure…"

My wailing came to an abrupt halt. My lips stopped moving as Jasper's finger came up to press down over them, he bent over so that our eyes were level with each other, his stare deep and penetrating as always. "What did you just say?"

"I'm a failure," I sniffled.

"Before that," he said deeply, his arms moving down to grasp onto my upper arms, holding me in place.

I stopped to think, my incoherent crying fit replaying in my head as I tried to back it up to remember what all I had just spouted off. And then it hit me.

Before I knew it, the tears started again. "I can't even tell you I'm pregnant the right way," I sobbed heavily, tears clouding my vision.

Jasper's hands pulled me into him and we sank down until we were both sitting on the floor, my legs straddling his lap.

"Are you really?" he asked, and when I nodded I felt his hands on my cheeks, forcing my face upwards to look into his brilliant blue eyes, the smile on his face looked big enough to see from outer space.

"I wanted to tell you over dinner and I had it all planned out… I just…"

"Alice…"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up," Jasper chuckled as he crushed his lips to mine, is fingers pulling my hair out of the carefully sculpted knot at the back of my neck, my hair flowing freely down my shoulders.

His lips attacked mine greedily and I pressed back, both of us fighting for dominance as he held me tightly to him in the middle of our entryway. Neither of us wanted to be the first to pull away, I could feel it in the set of his hands and the hungriness of his lips. So I relented and pulled away, breathless, gasping for air.

"You're sure?" he asked, his voice low as he dipped his head down to place kisses along my shoulder and collar bone.

"Very sure," I assured him just as quietly.

I felt him smile against my skin and my own lips quirked up. It hadn't been easy for us. A hard road full of bumps and bruises. Something I'd never wish on anyone. I couldn't even count the number of times I had tried to push him away, tried to make him see that he needed something better than me. Someone who could give him what he wanted. But he was steadfast, always kissing away my tears and holding me close and promising, _swearing_ that it would happen.

He was right.

"I love you so much," I whispered, pulling his face up to met mine again.

"Me too."

**OooooO**

**Jasper POV**

**August 13th**

I decided, as I pulled into my driveway, that I hated working ER shifts. It had been a particularly trying night tonight in Seattle, and I had wanted nothing more than to get home to my girls since my shift had started. I sighed as I saw that every light in the house was off, and I shut off the engine, slinging my messenger bag over my shoulder and locking the car behind me.

I went into the house as quietly as I could, setting my bag down in its usual spot by the door and setting the alarm system before slipping out of my shoes and tiptoeing up the stairs. I used the bathroom in the hall, not wanting to wake Alice up, before slipping quietly into our bedroom and smiling to myself as I made my way around to Alice's side of the bed.

The bassinet was nestled in the corner near the window and by the light of the moon peeking through the shades, I could just make out the tuft of black hair. I glanced toward the bed, knowing full well that Alice was going to kill me, but deciding it was worth it. I hadn't seen her all day.

I gently scooped the baby up in my arms, cradling her to my chest as I kissed her tiny little head. She jerked in my arms, but otherwise stayed asleep, and I laughed as I realized Alice had finally gotten her to take the pacifier. Though, what child would need a personalized, rhinestone binky, I would never know. Apparently our baby did.

Sarah started to fuss, and I snuggled her closer to me, inhaling the scent that seemed to saturate the air around her.

"It's okay, Sarah. Daddy's got ya," I cooed as I rocked back and forth on my heels. She nestled into me, the binky falling out of her mouth and onto the carpet beneath my feet. I chuckled quietly and kissed her soft hair again before moving over to the window and sitting down in the rocking chair we had placed there a few weeks back.

I rocked back and forth as my baby girl slept on my chest, and I enjoyed the still quiet of it all. Before too long, however, she began to fuss and I knew that Alice would have to wake up soon to feed her.

I rubbed her chubby cheeks with the pad of my thumb. "You know, you should really give daddy a break sometimes. Mommy refuses to hand you over even when you're perfectly happy and it kills me that I have to work so much and I hardly ever get to see you. It scares me to think you're growing up so fast. As much as I can't wait for you to walk and talk and drive and…" I shuddered, "…date. I know I won't be able to be there all the time. And that scares daddy more than life. But you know what? You're not alone. You have a very special guardian angel. He looks over you and mommy and I know for a fact that he loves you very much. So, when daddy can't be here, Jack will look after you. He always will."

I kissed her tiny head one more time for good measure and looked up to see Alice sitting in bed, a watery smile on her face as she watched me hold Sarah tightly against my chest.

"I love you," I mouthed and she smiled as she pushed the covers back and glided out of bed.

"Me too," she laughed quietly before coming beside me to wrap her hands around my neck and kissing my temple. "But she's not dating. Ever."

I laughed and leaned my head back to kiss her on the lips like I'd been dreaming of all day long. "Agreed."

I gently handed Sarah over to Alice and watched in awe as she nursed our child, our own little miracle. I sighed contentedly at the look on her face as she cooed to the tiny bundle in her arms. We had both been through so much to get to this place. But the chance to love again, for both of us, was worth it all.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews and all around support you've given me in this journey. It means so much to me that other people enjoy this as much as I do. The names for the kids in the story were borrowed from other stories. All of which are in my favorites list. Go check them out! Thank you all again so much and I can't wait to do it again!  
Besos!**


	24. Important Authors Note

**_A/N: This is simply a note to let everyone know that as of July 12th 2009, My penname will be changed. I really hate having to do this, but because of certain circumstances beyond my control, I must. _**

**_I will still continue to write, read, and review fanfiction, It will just be under a different name. _**

**_My new penname will be "Sweet Little Bullet" and if you are a Tom Waits fan, you will probably recognize this from his song "A Sweet Little Bullet From a Pretty Blue Gun" and if you aren't a Tom Waits fan or have never listened to his music, I highly suggest it. _**

**_Thank you to everyone and keep an eye out for my new stories. _**

**_Best, _**

**_Staysa aka Sweet Little Bullet._**


	25. Another Important Authors Note

_**Another Important Author's Note.**_

_**I'm up for auction in the Support Stacie Fanfiction Auction. I'm offering a 5,000 word minimum story in the Twilight Fandom. Link is on my profile. If you aren't familiar with the Support Stacie Fanfiction Auction, There's also a link on my profile for that. It's a great cause and I'm ecstatic to be doing all that I can to help out. Come stop by my thread and/or some of the other amazing, brilliant writers who have dedicated themselves to this fandom and to this wonderful cause of helping a wonderful woman. Hope to see you there!**_

_**Best,**_

_**Sweet Little Bullet.**_


	26. Chapter 26

Looking for a Beta.

Hey all! I am finally starting to write again and I have a new Rose/Emmett story that I have written ahead on. I am looking for a beta for it seeing as most of my previous beta's are no long beta'ing (is that even a word?) or have completely left fanfiction altogether. I am terrible with grammar and would like to find someone who notices the little things. If you are interested please PM me asap!


End file.
